noharleyyet
Well-known member
1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2. It is ok for a man to cry under these circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save his master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie begins unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss's car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've know a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops.
9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score but never who's playing.
10. You may flatulate in front of a woman you've brought to climax. If you trap her head under the covers she's officially your girlfriend.
11. It's permissable to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when your sunning on a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.
12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14. Friends don't ever let friends wear speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, not both...that's just greedy.
19. If you compliment a guy on his six pack, you better be talking about his brand of beer.
20. Never join your wife or girlfriend in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withhilding sex pending your response.
21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to anotherman while lifting weights.
a. Yea baby, push it.
b. C'mon, give it one more...harder.
c. Another set and we can hit the showers.
22. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you are on equal footing, i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24. The morning after you and the girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26. Thou shalt not drive a car in the colors of brown, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with"If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox..end of story.
28. There is no reason for a guy to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics...ever.
2. It is ok for a man to cry under these circumstances:
a. When a heroic dog dies to save his master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie begins unbuttoning her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss's car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into "The Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5. If you've know a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever, unless you actually marry her.
6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.
8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops.
9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score but never who's playing.
10. You may flatulate in front of a woman you've brought to climax. If you trap her head under the covers she's officially your girlfriend.
11. It's permissable to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when your sunning on a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a topless supermodel...and it's free.
12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14. Friends don't ever let friends wear speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, not both...that's just greedy.
19. If you compliment a guy on his six pack, you better be talking about his brand of beer.
20. Never join your wife or girlfriend in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withhilding sex pending your response.
21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to anotherman while lifting weights.
a. Yea baby, push it.
b. C'mon, give it one more...harder.
c. Another set and we can hit the showers.
22. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you are on equal footing, i.e. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24. The morning after you and the girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a big mistake it was occurs.
25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26. Thou shalt not drive a car in the colors of brown, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with"If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox..end of story.
28. There is no reason for a guy to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics...ever.
