Caribou Gear

Divorce, do you ever see it coming...

We were just talking tonight about my conversation I have had with all of my now married children. I maintain that all marriages are "cross cultural marriages". A Dude grows up with family norms (for them) and a Chick grows up in her "normal" They meet, date, generally putting out the best of themselves, then marry and start discovering that family norms that each is used to are likely very different than the spouse. If they can't recognize and appreciate the differences in norms, it will be an issue that can cause much friction and strife.
 
kansasdad said:
We were just talking tonight about my conversation I have had with all of my now married children. I maintain that all marriages are "cross cultural marriages". A Dude grows up with family norms (for them) and a Chick grows up in her "normal" They meet, date, generally putting out the best of themselves, then marry and start discovering that family norms that each is used to are likely very different than the spouse. If they can't recognize and appreciate the differences in norms, it will be an issue that can cause much friction and strife.
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A bit off subject but your post reminded me of something that happened to me recently

I was told in no uncertain terms that it was offensive to women to use the words chick, bird, cutie to describe them

I ask her, how about "bitch" ? She did not seem amused ;)

John, thank you for your service and as hard as it was at that time, it might have been for the best, as she was obviously not a women a man could depend on when the chips were down. I also thought of Brad Paisley's song "whiskey lullaby" when I read your post and was glad you had the intestinal fortitude to move on without her
elkmagnet said:
7.8 billion people in the world, all individuals. No apple to apples comparisons to be had.
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Bingo !
 
neffa3 said:
I think the relative ease of the American existence has allowed selfishness to thrive. The lack of real problems and real survival struggles in our day to day lives amplifies the minor issues we all face. I don't think it's just divorce that affected, but depression and anxiety as well.
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I think this relative ease allows many the "luxury" to focus on the Hollywood-created concept of "romantic marriage". Where maintaining the clueless passion of the first 6 months is the primary driving goal and definition of success. Of course, the early infatuation phase is not sustainable in normal life and one or both begin to start looking to find it again with someone new. I am not saying romance has no place in marriage, it does - just that it should be viewed as just one part of a much bigger relationship, friendship and commitment - one that isn't always fun. But of course, this more humble view of marriage doesn't sell books, movie tickets or magazines.
 
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neffa3 said:
I think the relative ease of the American existence has allowed selfishness to thrive. The lack of real problems and real survival struggles in our day to day lives amplifies the minor issues we all face. I don't think it's just divorce that affected, but depression and anxiety as well.


VikingsGuy said:
I think this relative ease allows many the "luxury" to focus on the Hollywood-created concept of "romantic marriage". Where maintaining the clueless passion of the first 6 months is the primary driving goal and definition of success. Of course, the early infatuation phase is not sustainable in normal life and one or both begin to start looking to find it again with someone new. I am not saying romance has no place in marriage, it does - just that it should be viewed as just one part of a much bigger relationship, friendship and commitment - one that isn't always fun. But of course, this more humble view of marriage doesn't sell books, movie tickets or magazines.
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Both points are correct. Too bad we can't teach that in our schools to help cultivate strong, selfless relationships that have real value.

As mentioned in both these posts, selfish, "live for today and don't worry about tomorrow" philosophies are being taught in our schools and society as well. Although it isn't a curricular subject, it is being taught in our schools that have become devoid of God and the Pledge of Allegiance.

I wouldn't trade growing up in the 1950s-1960s for anything our younger generations have to look forward to...
 
VikingsGuy said:
I think this relative ease allows many the "luxury" to focus on the Hollywood-created concept of "romantic marriage". Where maintaining the clueless passion of the first 6 months is the primary driving goal and definition of success. Of course, the early infatuation phase is not sustainable in normal life and one or both begin to start looking to find it again with someone new. I am not saying romance has no place in marriage, it does - just that it should be viewed as just one part of a much bigger relationship, friendship and commitment - one that isn't always fun. But of course, this more humble view of marriage doesn't sell books, movie tickets or magazines.
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The data appears to support that theory.

Countries with highest divorce rate: US, Luxembourg, France, Russia, Spain, Germany, UK, Australia, Canada, New Zealand

Countries with the lowest divorce rate: India, Chile, Columbia, Kenya, Mexico, Egypt, Brazil, South Africa, Turkey, Iran

Certainly, there many factors that play into this (local laws, norms, religion, etc) but affluence sometimes comes with a price.
 
Jape said:
The data appears to support that theory.

Countries with highest divorce rate: US, Luxembourg, France, Russia, Spain, Germany, UK, Australia, Canada, New Zealand

Countries with the lowest divorce rate: India, Chile, Columbia, Kenya, Mexico, Egypt, Brazil, South Africa, Turkey, Iran

Certainly, there many factors that play into this (local laws, norms, religion, etc) but affluence sometimes comes with a price.
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It's not valid data on HT if @wllm1313 doesn't have a graph for it ;)
 
Jape said:
The data appears to support that theory.

Countries with highest divorce rate: US, Luxembourg, France, Russia, Spain, Germany, UK, Australia, Canada, New Zealand

Countries with the lowest divorce rate: India, Chile, Columbia, Kenya, Mexico, Egypt, Brazil, South Africa, Turkey, Iran

Certainly, there many factors that play into this (local laws, norms, religion, etc) but affluence sometimes comes with a price.
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My guess is lack of viable legal and economic options for women in those countries also plays a big role.
 
VikingsGuy said:
My guess is lack of viable legal and economic options for women in those countries also plays a big role.
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Yeah, for Iran and Egypt I think that is especially true. Interestingly enough, India passed fairly massive and liberal family law changes in 1976 and the divorce rate has not been affected.
 
Jape said:
Yeah, for Iran and Egypt I think that is especially true. Interestingly enough, India passed fairly massive and liberal family law changes in 1976 and the divorce rate has not been affected.
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www.abc.net.au

Soni was on the verge of being a policewoman when her husband poured acid all over her face

Soni Devi had a gun licence and an acceptance letter to join the local police force when she was 21. But her parents had arranged for her to get married and then the abuse started.
www.abc.net.au www.abc.net.au
www.indiatoday.in

India saw almost 1,500 acid attacks in five years

India Today Data Intelligence Unit (DIU) has found that between 2014 and 2018, there have been 1,483 victims of acid attacks in the country. This is according to data released by National Crime Records Bureau.
www.indiatoday.in www.indiatoday.in
www.nytimes.com

A Daughter Is Beheaded, and Iran Asks if Women Have a Right to Safety (Published 2020)

The so-called honor killing of a 14-year-old girl in Iran has shaken the country and forced an examination of its failure to protect women and children.
www.nytimes.com www.nytimes.com

India, Chile, Columbia, Kenya, Mexico, Egypt, Brazil, South Africa, Turkey, Iran

Also the countries that come up with the "Worst places to be a women in the world" google search.

Hyperbolic...ish... maybe... but...

My 2 cents, we are way to close to women having no rights and or being property, not to mention LGTBQ marriages being illegal, and stigma to all of the above still being rampant globally to really have good data on the marriage subject.
 
wllm1313 said:
www.abc.net.au

Soni was on the verge of being a policewoman when her husband poured acid all over her face

Soni Devi had a gun licence and an acceptance letter to join the local police force when she was 21. But her parents had arranged for her to get married and then the abuse started.
www.abc.net.au www.abc.net.au
www.indiatoday.in

India saw almost 1,500 acid attacks in five years

India Today Data Intelligence Unit (DIU) has found that between 2014 and 2018, there have been 1,483 victims of acid attacks in the country. This is according to data released by National Crime Records Bureau.
www.indiatoday.in www.indiatoday.in
www.nytimes.com

A Daughter Is Beheaded, and Iran Asks if Women Have a Right to Safety (Published 2020)

The so-called honor killing of a 14-year-old girl in Iran has shaken the country and forced an examination of its failure to protect women and children.
www.nytimes.com www.nytimes.com

India, Chile, Columbia, Kenya, Mexico, Egypt, Brazil, South Africa, Turkey, Iran

Also the countries that come up with the "Worst places to be a women in the world" google search.

Hyperbolic...ish... maybe... but...

My 2 cents, we are way to close to women having no rights and or being property, not to mention LGTBQ marriages being illegal, and stigma to all of the above still being rampant globally to really have good data on the marriage subject.
Click to expand...
You will find that in the law, and especially in family law, there are always exceptions. As I mentioned above, there are many factors involved because humans and nations are complex. Why the world has gone from 12% divorce rate in 1960 to nearly 50% now is a topic some social scientists spend their whole lives studying.
 
i think it's been said plenty in this thread

i'm young, newly married; yes, naive

but i'm fairly positive (IN GENERAL) that whether or not a couple gets divorced entirely hinges on how one reacts in that one moment, generally early on in any (and every) marriage when the stark realization hits that the person they married is:
  • imperfect - like every human on the planet
  • selfish - like every human on the planet
  • has the ability to cut you deep - UNLIKE any human on the planet
  • not 100% who you thought they were - like every human on the planet
  • simply will never be perfect and can't be perfect for you
if in that moment you don't realize you are also all of those things to your spouse AND TRY TO CHANGE FOR THE BETTER, doom awaits, who knows when, but it awaits
 
shrapnel said:
Too bad we can't teach that in our schools to help cultivate strong, selfless relationships that have real value.
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Huh. I thought that was the parents’ job. Also, BTW, I would argue that half of what is taught in public school, though not necessarily through explicit instruction, is how to be a decent, thoughtful person.


shrapnel said:
As mentioned in both these posts, selfish, "live for today and don't worry about tomorrow" philosophies are being taught in our schools and society as well. Although it isn't a curricular subject, it is being taught in our schools that have become devoid of God and the Pledge of Allegiance.
Click to expand...
Bullshit. When’s the last time you spent a day at a public school? You may know a great deal about old timey guns, but I’d say you’ve got no idea what goes on in public schools.
 
rtraverdavis said:
Huh. I thought that was the parents’ job. Also, BTW, I would argue that half of what is taught in public school, though not necessarily through explicit instruction, is how to be a decent, thoughtful person.



Bullshit. When’s the last time you spent a day at a public school? You may know a great deal about old timey guns, but I’d say you’ve got no idea what goes on in public schools.
Click to expand...
18 years a public school teacher here. The modern nonsense being modeled and explicitly taught there is the killer.

Get your kids out of public schools.
 
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