Tobey
New member
>>Issued by the Maine Department of Tourism to ALL visiting Urbanites
>>
>>1) Don't come up here and order Idaho potatoes or spiny lobsters.
>>Doing so can get your ass kicked.
>>
>>2) Don't laugh at the names of our little towns like Piscataquis,
>>Bingham, Penobscot, Rome, etc.) or we will just HAVE to kick your ass.
>>
>>3) Don't order a bottle or a can of Pop here. Up here it's called
>>soda. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.
>>
>>4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you. We are
>>also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a
>>bunch of hicks or hillbillies, we'll kick your ass.
>>
>>5) We have plenty of business sense. You have to make a living up
>>here. Naturally, we do sometimes have small lapses in judgment from time
>to
>>time, but we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our
>>state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we
>>would kick their ass.
>>
>>6) Don't laugh at our love of H.S. sports. Doing so can lead to an ass
>>kicking.
>>
>>7) We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut
>>the hell up. Just spend your money at the ski lodge or at the
>>snowmobile rental place, then get the hell back to Massachusetts or we'll
>>kick your ass.
>>
>>8) Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone
>>will instantly know that you're a tourist. Eat your steak well-done like
>>God intended and have some potatoes with that, for heaven's sake!
>>
>>9) Don't try to fake a Maine accent. We don't have an accent. Say we
>>do and you will get your ass kicked.
>>
>>10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we
>>know better. Many of us have visited big-city hellholes like Boston, New
>>York, and Miami and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it
here,
>>Delta Airlines has seats available. Move your ass on home before it gets
>>kicked.
>>
>>11) Yes, we know that ice fishing is "not your thing." We don't care.
>>If you don't understand the beauty of being out on a lake when it's minus
>>30 degrees then you should go home and try fishing in Boston Harbor.
>>Also, don't hog the heater in the bobhouse or we'll kick your ass.
>>
>>12) Don't complain that Maine has too many trees or is too hilly. If
>>you whine about OUR scenic beauty we'll kick your flatlander ass all the
>>way back to Massachusetts.
>>
>>13) Don't ridicule our mannerisms. We only speak when spoken to. We
>>hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because
>>such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around
>our
>>sweet, little gray-haired grandmothers or they will kick some manners
>into
>>your ass just like they did ours.
>>
>>14) So you think we're quaint or losers because many of us live on
>>farms or fish for a living? That's because we have enough sense to not
>live
in
>>filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like Boston, New York or Miami
Make
>>fun of us and we'll kick your ass.
>>
>>15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come out here and tell us how
>>the forest land should preserved as one big national park. This will get
>>your ass shot off (right after it is kicked). Just mention this once and
>>you will go home in a pine box - Minus your ass.
>>
>>Enjoy your visit to Maine!
>>
>>
>>1) Don't come up here and order Idaho potatoes or spiny lobsters.
>>Doing so can get your ass kicked.
>>
>>2) Don't laugh at the names of our little towns like Piscataquis,
>>Bingham, Penobscot, Rome, etc.) or we will just HAVE to kick your ass.
>>
>>3) Don't order a bottle or a can of Pop here. Up here it's called
>>soda. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking.
>>
>>4) We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you. We are
>>also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a
>>bunch of hicks or hillbillies, we'll kick your ass.
>>
>>5) We have plenty of business sense. You have to make a living up
>>here. Naturally, we do sometimes have small lapses in judgment from time
>to
>>time, but we are not dumb enough to let someone move to our
>>state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we
>>would kick their ass.
>>
>>6) Don't laugh at our love of H.S. sports. Doing so can lead to an ass
>>kicking.
>>
>>7) We are fully aware of how cold it gets here in the winter, so shut
>>the hell up. Just spend your money at the ski lodge or at the
>>snowmobile rental place, then get the hell back to Massachusetts or we'll
>>kick your ass.
>>
>>8) Don't order the vegetarian special at the local diner. Everyone
>>will instantly know that you're a tourist. Eat your steak well-done like
>>God intended and have some potatoes with that, for heaven's sake!
>>
>>9) Don't try to fake a Maine accent. We don't have an accent. Say we
>>do and you will get your ass kicked.
>>
>>10) Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we
>>know better. Many of us have visited big-city hellholes like Boston, New
>>York, and Miami and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it
here,
>>Delta Airlines has seats available. Move your ass on home before it gets
>>kicked.
>>
>>11) Yes, we know that ice fishing is "not your thing." We don't care.
>>If you don't understand the beauty of being out on a lake when it's minus
>>30 degrees then you should go home and try fishing in Boston Harbor.
>>Also, don't hog the heater in the bobhouse or we'll kick your ass.
>>
>>12) Don't complain that Maine has too many trees or is too hilly. If
>>you whine about OUR scenic beauty we'll kick your flatlander ass all the
>>way back to Massachusetts.
>>
>>13) Don't ridicule our mannerisms. We only speak when spoken to. We
>>hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because
>>such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around
>our
>>sweet, little gray-haired grandmothers or they will kick some manners
>into
>>your ass just like they did ours.
>>
>>14) So you think we're quaint or losers because many of us live on
>>farms or fish for a living? That's because we have enough sense to not
>live
in
>>filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like Boston, New York or Miami
Make
>>fun of us and we'll kick your ass.
>>
>>15) Last, but not least, DO NOT DARE to come out here and tell us how
>>the forest land should preserved as one big national park. This will get
>>your ass shot off (right after it is kicked). Just mention this once and
>>you will go home in a pine box - Minus your ass.
>>
>>Enjoy your visit to Maine!
>>
