Little things that will piss off the wife

[MTGomer]

At a family Christmas gathering once, she noticed a bruise on my neck and it was honestly a bruise. Coincidentally the night before was a bachelor party at a strip club. That went over like a turd in the punch bowl. What a Christmas that was. I got way too lucky with her, she still gets up every morning at 4 and makes my lunch and coffee for me.

Early 2020 my wife’s sister lived with us for a few months after moving back to Arizona from Texas, while she have shopped for and and waited to close on her house. About three or four months after her sister moves out, I get a phone call from my wife. I can tell immediately something is seriously wrong. With her voice cracking, she very calmly asks me who’s belongings are in the spare bathroom? At first I said I have no idea. Then I recalled that there was still a couple things such as shaving cream, shampoo, conditioner you know female things, in the spare bathroom that her sister left.
She never goes in that bathroom, and the shower curtain had been closed so she had not seen it until this day.
She quickly hung up and called her sister and confirmed.

After that we had a nice little talk where I made it crystal clear that I am not, was not, and never will have an affair, but in the hypothetical situation that I was, I absolutely would not let the mistress come over, use our spare bathroom nor would I be careless enough to let her to leave her shit laying around.

 

[schmalts]

Amish guys have cell phones?

I KNOW A FEW.... And kids with Ipods. It is the same with all of them. You call the "neighbors" phone. That neighbor NEVER has a voicemail set up with a personal message... you leave a message and low and behold you get a call back within 5 minutes from Amish guy. That has to be one dedicated neighbor.

 

[Schaaf]

Boomer Version w/ words

View attachment 245510

 

[EYJONAS!]

View attachment 245577

What...... he needed help. So i helped.

 

[Gellar]

Doesn't even know HT exists.

She’s got you fooled.

 

[Mallardsx2]

Screaming I hear “Jesus Christ!”

I walk over to her and calmly say “ You rang?”

My personal favorite and it pushes her over the edge every single time. Lololol

 

[Khunter]

Having hunted 35 days already by Oct 6 and finally have a 9 day fam vacation coming up. Vacation time is already maxed out and she jumps in and tells folks I am done hunting for the year who ask “what’s the next hunt or are you done?”

As she is driving us along the interstate she observes me arranging for a buddy to try for a reissue tag on my behalf, complete with coacj
himg on how to beat out the hoards also trying. Then he call 10 min later saying I got the tag.

She says as dryly and unimpressed as possible “What tag did you get?”

 

[Stocker]

After 32 years I finally learned to keep my mouth shut when she is driving. No facial expressions either.

Mine won’t drive if I’m in the car for that exact reason.

She’s almost such a bad driver I’m thinking of buying her a Subaru.

 

[hunt1up]

If she's fired up about something and I tell her to "calm down" or "relax"

 

[BigHornRam]

Mine won’t drive if I’m in the car for that exact reason.

She’s almost such a bad driver I’m thinking of buying her a Subaru.

That's what my wife drives.....

 

[mdcrossbow]

In the laundry room, wife goes nuts when I use a pine scent or woods scent detergent, Now it's all unscented.

 

[JDH]

I had to buy a dorm fridge to make my dry aging chamber cause she was sick of seeing dead duck faces in the veggie draw in the fridge in the garage.

Luckily I have a mini fridge in our bar area in the basement. She rarely even opens that fridge.

 

[JDH]

Hahaha mentioned she was acting like her mom once… learned that lesson REAL fast

That one's a double edged sword for me. I very tactfully let her know who that reminds me of. She will get mad for a few minutes but end the end the behavior stops.

 

[Stocker]

2019 I was headed to Idaho to elk hunt, a buddy with a deer tag was going along. My good truck was in the shop and my farm truck, well it breaks down around the farm. So I kinda guilted my wife into offering me her expedition with the warning “don’t beat the piss out of it like you do your pickups”.


I tried I really did. About 2 months later the friend that was with me and his wife were at our house for dinner. He starts explaining he couldn’t believe how well it crawled up them lava rock roads and crossed rivers. I finally got him stopped at the point when he was saying there’s no way he’d take one of his vehicles into some of the places we went.


Telling her I make the payment in the middle of that butt chewing was a huge mistake.

 

[Addicting]

2019 I was headed to Idaho to elk hunt, a buddy with a deer tag was going along. My good truck was in the shop and my farm truck, well it breaks down around the farm. So I kinda guilted my wife into offering me her expedition with the warning “don’t beat the piss out of it like you do your pickups”.


I tried I really did. About 2 months later the friend that was with me and his wife were at our house for dinner. He starts explaining he couldn’t believe how well it crawled up them lava rock roads and crossed rivers. I finally got him stopped at the point when he was saying there’s no way he’d take one of his vehicles into some of the places we went.


Telling her I make the payment in the middle of that butt chewing was a huge mistake.

The guys I hunted with this year including my kid is under penalty of death if they tell her what we did with her Traverse.

 

[rjthehunter]

2019 I was headed to Idaho to elk hunt, a buddy with a deer tag was going along. My good truck was in the shop and my farm truck, well it breaks down around the farm. So I kinda guilted my wife into offering me her expedition with the warning “don’t beat the piss out of it like you do your pickups”.


I tried I really did. About 2 months later the friend that was with me and his wife were at our house for dinner. He starts explaining he couldn’t believe how well it crawled up them lava rock roads and crossed rivers. I finally got him stopped at the point when he was saying there’s no way he’d take one of his vehicles into some of the places we went.


Telling her I make the payment in the middle of that butt chewing was a huge mistake.

Yeah... Never mention who the breadwinner is. Better to just say yep, you're right and I'm wrong!

 

[gouch]

There have been a couple of times that I pissed my wife off and never did have a clue as to how I did it. Once I asked her what I did to make her so mad. That just made her madder and go the response "YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!" Which was giving me way too much credit for my self awareness

 

[Khunter]

In the laundry room, wife goes nuts when I use a pine scent or woods scent detergent, Now it's all unscented.

she did you a favor.

 

[MarvB]

Def the driving…. My wife WILL NOT drive with me in the car as my facial expressions are likely comparable to one who just stepped into a yellow jacket nest . I mean she is so OCD about keeping her car clean that she keeps one of those little microfiber cloths in the door and is constantly wiping the dash with it… CAN YOU JUST DRIVE PLEASE??? Not to mention that I’ve always got some project going around our place and need to grab something at ACE so I tag along (typically dirty) and get the stank eye going to town.

Her other pet peeve (just two?) with me is that when she’s with me and I’m driving a short distance (say from the mailboxes in or in town between stores) I don’t buckle and the alarm chimes drive her crazy. Didn’t help her eye roll much when I offered to cut the belt end off the old ranch truck and just keep it in the seatbelt receiving end if she wanted…I got one of those “THATS NOT THE POINT” lectures …

 

[JimQ]

When my alarm goes off at 330 am to get up and head out hunting on a Saturday and it wakes up both kids and both dogs. Whole house awake by 4 am. Doesn’t go well.

I was told from now on I have to sleep upstairs on those nights lol