whitedeer
New member
The military today downgraded John Kerry's 3 Purple hearts to "Pink". Officials went to his home and exchanged his 3 purple hearts saying, "Here, these are the hearts you were intended to get. Our mistake. Sorry." Kerry, sources say, took the exchange admirably even though Pink Hearts do not convey the bravery, courage, or daring that Purple Hearts do. "Basically", said one retired General, "A Pink Heart says .. I was there". In a related incident President Bush was awarded a heart in a ceremony lasting over 3 minutes when the FedEx package arrived at his door in the Oval Office. The Pentagon says,
"We realized that since the Pink Heart DOES signify that a person 'was there' and technically Mr Bush WAS THERE, be it in the middle of a Viet Cong Jungle or the back of a PT boat or even peeling russets in the mess hall of some Texas National Guard unit .. Mr Bush WAS there and hence deserves a Pink Heart just as much as Mr Kerry does."
Bill Clinton upon hearing of the Pink Hearts reportedly phoned the Pentagon asking them if he could also have a heart. Sources say that Clinton told them,
"Although I never really served in the armed forces I did one time show up at the draft board to check it out one day. That should count for something. I missed a Razorbacks basketball game to do that. Can you send mine via UPS?"
Spokesmen for the Democratic party say that this will not change their media campaign. One spokesman said,
"It is an honor to have not one but THREE Pink Hearts of which Mr Bush has but one. The American people should base their voting decision on that, not on secondary issues like policies, principles or political agenda."
The Bush camp, happy that the president now HAS a heart says that they too will not change their media campaign. Colin Powell, owner of a real Purple Heart says he understands how difficult it is to "get one of those things". When asked by Students on Scholastic.com what he did to get his heart he said,
"Something kind of dumb! It was in Vietnam. I slipped into a hole and a spike went through my foot. It was painful, but it wasn't serious. I was okay again in a few weeks."
Sources say that Ted Turner's media division has been commissioned to "colorize" all existing John Kerry Purple Heart commercials. "That way", party spokesmen say, "We don't have to waste the American people's money re-shooting all those Purple Heart scenes."
"We realized that since the Pink Heart DOES signify that a person 'was there' and technically Mr Bush WAS THERE, be it in the middle of a Viet Cong Jungle or the back of a PT boat or even peeling russets in the mess hall of some Texas National Guard unit .. Mr Bush WAS there and hence deserves a Pink Heart just as much as Mr Kerry does."
Bill Clinton upon hearing of the Pink Hearts reportedly phoned the Pentagon asking them if he could also have a heart. Sources say that Clinton told them,
"Although I never really served in the armed forces I did one time show up at the draft board to check it out one day. That should count for something. I missed a Razorbacks basketball game to do that. Can you send mine via UPS?"
Spokesmen for the Democratic party say that this will not change their media campaign. One spokesman said,
"It is an honor to have not one but THREE Pink Hearts of which Mr Bush has but one. The American people should base their voting decision on that, not on secondary issues like policies, principles or political agenda."
The Bush camp, happy that the president now HAS a heart says that they too will not change their media campaign. Colin Powell, owner of a real Purple Heart says he understands how difficult it is to "get one of those things". When asked by Students on Scholastic.com what he did to get his heart he said,
"Something kind of dumb! It was in Vietnam. I slipped into a hole and a spike went through my foot. It was painful, but it wasn't serious. I was okay again in a few weeks."
Sources say that Ted Turner's media division has been commissioned to "colorize" all existing John Kerry Purple Heart commercials. "That way", party spokesmen say, "We don't have to waste the American people's money re-shooting all those Purple Heart scenes."
