Kraven
New member
>This male author was responding to a letter from a woman who
accidentally
>walked into the men's restroom:
>
>
>Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom
>that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that
all
>the
>time. It's rare for us guys to ever hit what were aiming for.
Sometimes I
>go
>into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around;
just
>so I'll make sure I hit something.
>
>You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that
>men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom
>stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the
>toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of
toilet
>paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'you
those
>little buggers can't be trusted.
>
>After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer
allowed
>to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down
>and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price to pay.
>Otherwise if she had gone to the toilet one more time at night and
either
>sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because
I
>forgot to put the seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep.
>
>Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but
>because you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm a
classy
>guy, I might as well be candid with you because it's a real problem,
>and you ladies need to be understanding. It's the dreaded "morning
wood".
>
>Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire
>to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no
>you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to
piss
>all over the wallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women
>insist on putting on the toilet.
>
>And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers,
>the silly toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have
to use
>one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to
control
>ourselves for that perfect aim.
>
>Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in here
will
>back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that
damn
>fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing
until
>the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then
>that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that
damn
>toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie.
>
>So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's just not
>safe. I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife.
I
>told her... look, it won't bend. She said, "sit down like I told you
to
>do all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet
>with "morning wood".
>
>Well it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and
>before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels
hanging
>on the wall across the room. Now, even if you are sitting down and you
>can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee
the pee
>shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and
the top
>of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down
the
>back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe
>rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.
>
>I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning
urinary
>dilemma is to assume the flying superman position laying
>over the toilet seat.
>
>This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split
>time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the
bowl
>during the first morning pee.
accidentally
>walked into the men's restroom:
>
>
>Please don't feel bad. It wasn't you entering the men's washroom
>that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that
all
>the
>time. It's rare for us guys to ever hit what were aiming for.
Sometimes I
>go
>into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around;
just
>so I'll make sure I hit something.
>
>You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that
>men's penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom
>stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the
>toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of
toilet
>paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I'm telling 'you
those
>little buggers can't be trusted.
>
>After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I'm no longer
allowed
>to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down
>and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price to pay.
>Otherwise if she had gone to the toilet one more time at night and
either
>sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because
I
>forgot to put the seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep.
>
>Now another thing us guys don't usually like to talk about, but
>because you and I have become such good friends and you think I'm a
classy
>guy, I might as well be candid with you because it's a real problem,
>and you ladies need to be understanding. It's the dreaded "morning
wood".
>
>Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire
>to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no
>you can't aim, well hell, if you can't aim you have no choice but to
piss
>all over the wallpaper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women
>insist on putting on the toilet.
>
>And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers,
>the silly toilet seat won't stay up by itself. So that means we have
to use
>one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to
control
>ourselves for that perfect aim.
>
>Now sometimes, when you're newly married, (and I know the guys in here
will
>back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that
damn
>fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing
until
>the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then
>that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that
damn
>toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie.
>
>So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it's just not
>safe. I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife.
I
>told her... look, it won't bend. She said, "sit down like I told you
to
>do all the rest of the time." OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet
>with "morning wood".
>
>Well it's is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and
>before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels
hanging
>on the wall across the room. Now, even if you are sitting down and you
>can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee
the pee
>shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and
the top
>of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down
the
>back of our legs on to that damn matching fuzzy horseshoe
>rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.
>
>I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning
urinary
>dilemma is to assume the flying superman position laying
>over the toilet seat.
>
>This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split
>time precision but it's the only sure way to get all the pee in the
bowl
>during the first morning pee.
