Divorce, do you ever see it coming...

[Nick87]

Divorce was never really on the table but it felt more like we were buddies rather than married

Again, reassuring to hear that I'm not the only one who has been there.

 

[buckbull]

Better yet embark on a canoe trip for several days. The challenge of canoe paddling synchronization, as well as hours and hours of good discussions, will make it or break it.

That sounds just as bad as a trip to the boat ramp. I've seen at least a dozen marriages end right there.

 

[mdcrossbow]

One thing I think that gets overlooked is your wedding vows. If you are a man or woman of your word and your word means something to you then you will consider your promises. If you are a man or woman of God then you also made a promise to God in those vows. Either way you likely stated,...For better or for worse... Not - "well, until it gets tough" , or "until one of us changes". You likely stated that you would be faithful to one another. I believe and it's also written that if your spouse is unfaithful then the bond is broken and you may divorce him/her. Some marriages can't be saved but I believe it's always best to TRY to work it out for as long as you can possibly take it and in many different ways and with many people's help before you go the divorce route. Hang in there folks! Life WILL get good again, one way or another!

Life is good brother !
Luke 11:13 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him! And, we know that He gives the Spirit without measure. (John 3:34)

 

[The Hedgehog]

Relish the sinful pleasures of an unplanned midlife crisis. When God hands you lemons, make Lemonade.

 

[Nick87]

Relish the sinful pleasures of an unplanned midlife crisis. When God hands you lemons, make Lemonade.

I knew it was coming...

 

[noharleyyet]

One thing for sure, everyone you know or run into is dealing with something.

 

[mdcrossbow]

I knew it was coming...

You can screw things up if you want to.
There was a sweet looking young lady this morning standing on the corner with a help me sign. I was stopped at a light on the bike and she gave me the biggest smile along with a ride safe sign. My 1st thought, no going there lol with the wife gone for a month 4 legged deer season is on.

 

[Nemont]

Is the grass greener on the other side?
For the reason only God knows wife and I have worked everything out for 41 years now. I've become complacent have to deal with her mood swings and Med's.
I know how to deal with garbage, I'm not sure if I could handle the garbage I don't know.

I was married for 34 years until my ex started to accuse me of wild things, like being a drug dealer and buying a house and car for her co worker and yada, yada, yada. On the advice of a marriage couselor I drove all the way to Colorado Springs to take a polygraph test that she got to write the questions for, When the results came back that I was telling the truth, she refused to believe the polygraph. So counseling can only help if both parties want to find a solution, if one has already checked out, then divorce is the answer. Anyway our divorce was final on May 20, she was remarried by June 27.

I have a great relationship with all three of my kids, we spend as much time together as possible. I have met a beautiful woman and we get along great. I am going to spend a lot of time with her at her condo on the beach in Mazatlan. So is the grass greener? I wouldn't wish a divorce on any couple but some times the grass has to mowed short, sprayed with round up and rototilled to make it clear that you cannot live any longer with a person. The process sucked and I was in therapy for 2 plus years. I am in such a better place today than I was two years ago.

Nemont

 

[Straight Arrow]

I am in such a better place today than I was two years ago.

That statement in itself bodes well for your life and love of life ahead. Good on you!

 

[TwistedSage]

I just read this entire thread and it leaves me more confused. My wife of of 6 years does not seem to be the person she used to be. I'm the kind of guy who gets excited (possibly overly excited) about everything, a hunting trip, getting to go out for a date night, whatever. She literally has no excitement for anything. All she does is get angry at me for every single little thing (I know this can be skewed but I really don't think it's just my point of view). I want her to enjoy something so much its worth getting up in the morning but she doesn't like anything. I have thought about getting a divorce more times than i care to admit. But, We have 2 amazing girls (under 5) that I would do absolutely anything for. So that leaves me thinking, isn't my unhappiness worth them having a normal life? I don't know how you guys know when to pull the plug but dangit it's hard. Sorry for the vent. I just appreciate that there is a bunch of like minded people that will hear me out.

Hoping the best for your family and you can find a way to be as supportive of each other as possible. Reading this bring me back a few years, we're probably close in age. My wife had definitely gone through a funk after having our first two girls. Post partum depression is a MFer man. There is a good chance thats whats going on. Can last a long time, especially is its never acknowledged. Not that you need her to acknowledge it, but have you ever considered it?

6 years in and 2 kids under 5, that is a lot for a Mom, just having a child makes so many changes happen in her body and chemistry we can't really even fathom, not even capable lol. Then we expect them to be super mom all the time. I can see how that could lead to a spiral. Instead of trying to get her excited about things you think she should be excited about just give her the time and environment to find herself again.

Don't want to come off as critical, just wanted to shared my POV as I feel like I was in a similar situation. Definitely hit a rough patch for a stretch, remember your vows, and stay true to them. You'll figure it out and hit your parenthood stride together.

 

[Letthemgrow]

That statement in itself bodes well for your life and love of life ahead. Good on you!

"I am going to spend a lot of time with her at her condo on the beach in Mazatlan."
. . . so does this one . . .

 

[nhenry]

Hoping the best for your family and you can find a way to be as supportive of each other as possible. Reading this bring me back a few years, we're probably close in age. My wife had definitely gone through a funk after having our first two girls. Post partum depression is a MFer man. There is a good chance thats whats going on. Can last a long time, especially is its never acknowledged. Not that you need her to acknowledge it, but have you ever considered it?

6 years in and 2 kids under 5, that is a lot for a Mom, just having a child makes so many changes happen in her body and chemistry we can't really even fathom, not even capable lol. Then we expect them to be super mom all the time. I can see how that could lead to a spiral. Instead of trying to get her excited about things you think she should be excited about just give her the time and environment to find herself again.

Don't want to come off as critical, just wanted to shared my POV as I feel like I was in a similar situation. Definitely hit a rough patch for a stretch, remember your vows, and stay true to them. You'll figure it out and hit your parenthood stride together.

My wife has struggled with PPD for 15 month already and it's caused her to come pretty close to ending our marriage. It's an awful thing to see your partner go through.

 

[Marshian]

PPD was a factor in us deciding to have only one kid. It’s real and it’s terrible.

 

[Nemont]

"I am going to spend a lot of time with her at her condo on the beach in Mazatlan."
. . . so does this one . . .

yes the condo in Mazatlan is a great place to do some therapy. Especially in January, February and March.

 

[Irrelevant]

in January, February and March.

mighty long therapy session. I'm jealous.

 

[ignorethefringes]

My wife has struggled with PPD for 15 month already and it's caused her to come pretty close to ending our marriage. It's an awful thing to see your partner go through.

My wife went through it after our first, but not nearly at all after #2 and #3. Her key was getting time away from me and the kid(s) with friends/family that she trusted and could be totally honest with. Sometimes she needed to say, out loud and without judgment, "I hate being a mom (right now). This change in my life sucks and is not at all what I was expecting." Our culture might recoil at those statements, but having a kid is a major (MAJOR) life change and it's not always what it's cracked up to be.

 

[TOGIE]

"I hate being a mom (right now). This change in my life sucks and is not at all what I was expecting." Our culture might recoil at those statements, but having a kid is a major (MAJOR) life change and it's not always what it's cracked up to be.

it's even been apparent in our pregnancy. i think it's getting worse in our culture too. social media really makes girls think both pregnancy and parenthood are going to be all sparkles.

i feel like i have post partum depression and i'm not a girl or a parent, yet.

 

[nhenry]

Sometimes she needed to say, out loud and without judgment, "I hate being a mom (right now). This change in my life sucks and is not at all what I was expecting." Our culture might recoil at those statements, but having a kid is a major (MAJOR) life change and it's not always what it's cracked up to be.

My wife has done the same thing at times. It seems to help her enough and I know what she means so I don't get upset.

 

[ignorethefringes]

it's even been apparent in our pregnancy. i think it's getting worse in our culture too. social media really makes girls think both pregnancy and parenthood are going to be all sparkles.

i feel like i have post partum depression and i'm not a girl or a parent, yet.

Likely tied to the prevalence of the social media based, "my life/marriage/kids are perfect" nonsense. Poison, all of it.

 

[Tradewind]

I never been married but I have been in somewhere around 4 longer term relationships of over 3 -5 years each. I knew or think I knew the day each one no longer was interested.

I let them all leave on their own terms. About every one tried to double back after leaving out but I just told them if they didnt like me before they wouldnt like me now as I havent changed in the least.

I remain on good terms with all of them as I never allowed things to deteriorate into hurt feels. I dont view any of them as the enemy. No kids with any of them and I although they were at my place most of the time they all had kept their own places And finances. So easy breakup. I think trying to hang on to something that isnt working out for both parties is were the hurt feeling get started. And hurt feelers is trouble.

An old friend told me: "never chase women of buses. You always get left behind."