Divorce, do you ever see it coming...

[Farmerj]

Put the kids first.

It’s not easy and sometimes harder than a marriage.

Condolences.

 

[noharleyyet]

Wrecked.....Turnpike Troubadours

… Life ain't what it was back then
Someone smashed the windshield in
Well you never see it comin' 'til it's knockin' out your teeth

 

[JLS]

Watching some good friends of ours go through this same mess. It’s ugly. Hold the high ground, even if it seems like you’re losing. Your kids will respect and appreciate it. If you get in the mud with the pigs, you just end up dirty.

 

[Farmerj]

As ugly as it is…

Because you are male, flat out expect to be drug through the mud from the court system and social services.

My ex was actually coached by her lawyers on how to manipulate the system and weaponized it against me.

Just how the system is for family court.

 

[88man]

As ugly as it is…

Because you are male, flat out expect to be drug through the mud from the court system and social services.

My ex was actually coached by her lawyers on how to manipulate the system and weaponized it against me.

Just how the system is for family court.

just think what its like when lawyers get divorced

 

[Hammsolo]

@HighDesertSage I know I’ve shared before, so I’ll try not to recap. I was also married to my ex for 14 years. I am now about 7 years out. My wife had 3 long term affairs. I nearly destroyed myself due to religious belief systems and family pressures. In the end it didn’t do my girl any good either. I am so happy you stood up for yourself.

A few words of wisdom:
- You are more valuable and wonderful than you know. You are not a failure. You have two amazing daughters. This will lead you to amazing places.
- Don’t trash your ex, but don’t BS Your children or families either. Sticking to the facts and focusing on goals is the way to go.
- Put yourself first, if you’re not healthy you can’t be the best Dad you can be.
- Strategically create a support system to move you forward. You need a blend. Who is good for you? Who loves you? Who wants what is best for you? Who tells you the truth? A friend? A family member? A counselor? A doctor? A co-worker? A pastor? A mentor? We ALL need support in life.
- Be patient, but also keep moving forward daily.
- Happier days lay ahead. Start dreaming about your future. Start setting goals and thinking of boundaries. Do not compromise on what you want I’m the future.
- I am always down for talking directly. I believe challenges help us learn, and then we are able to help others.

God Bless Brother

 

[OntarioHunter]

It's crazy, I remember seeing this thread a few years ago and thinking to myself how fortunate I was to have a strong marriage to a great woman. It's amazing how fast life can change and how you think you know someone after 14 years. For you guys still in a good marriage, take nothing for granted, and if you value that relationship work on it everyday.

My divorce was finalized on Sept 2nd. Got out of it financially as well as I probably could have. She got the house and kids, I got the dogs and a new life in Wyoming. I never saw mine coming, and despite her affair, I still tried to save it for 2 months. In all honesty, I probably caused more damage doing that then if I had just cut my losses and moved on, like so many of my friends and family had advised. With two young kids though, I was really trying to keep the family together. Regardless, if the other person doesn't want that, there is not much you can do. I feel like there is a void in my life that I cannot fill. Focusing on my work, working out, time outdoors, and avoiding to much alcohol seem to keep the depression and anxiety from consuming me completely, but I still struggle daily. I hope it gets better, and someday I can forgive her, but for now it's one foot in front of the other.

Been there (first wife). I also tried too long to keep it together for my kid's sake. Four years of philandering hell. But you tried. Makes it easier to live with yourself than just throwing in the towel. In the end, your kids will respect you for that.

For now you're doing all the right things: exercise, eat well (even if it means eating out a lot more often), and easy on the booze. Be careful about jumping into another relationship right away. No need to be overly gunshy either. Just remember there are worse things than being lonely ... like living with the wrong person.

 

[hank4elk]

Never had the pleasure of a legal bond,was with the same lady for 22 years and we split friends.
The one person who has been in constant touch thru my recent medical issues.

Half the guys I knew said I should have filed against her, common law. I would have walked with a couple million maybe.

I have my honor and balls still. And get good calls from her.

 

[OntarioHunter]

Never had the pleasure of a legal bond,was with the same lady for 22 years and we split friends.
The one person who has been in constant touch thru my recent medical issues.

Half the guys I knew said I should have filed against her, common law. I would have walked with a couple million maybe.

I have my honor and balls still. And get good calls from her.

You are my hero! What's a couple of million dollars compared to maintaining that kind of valuable friendship? Just a bunch of money to buy a bunch of shiny shit. I think "half the guys you know" aren't worth knowing.

 

[duckhunt]

I've been there bud. Best advice I can give is stay close to the kids and please do not bad mouth her in front of the kids. Remember her blood also runs in them. If you bad mouth her it's the same as bad mouthing them. Also live well in the future. Believe it or not in a few years your life will completely do a 180 and you will be very happy.

 

[hank4elk]

You are my hero! What's a couple of million dollars compared to maintaining that kind of valuable friendship? Just a bunch of money to buy a bunch of shiny shit. I think "half the guys you know" aren't worth knowing.

She had been married 27 years and he cheated while she raised the kids. She earned hers.
She did have to finalize the divorce before I moved in, and later become a US citizen. She's a limey.

The only time I have ever heard from any of the folks I worked with or around for 40 years is when they heard I get LO tags from my brother... crickets.

 

[mdcrossbow]

Is the grass greener on the other side?
For the reason only God knows wife and I have worked everything out for 41 years now. I've become complacent have to deal with her mood swings and Med's.
I know how to deal with garbage, I'm not sure if I could handle the garbage I don't know.

 

[The Hedgehog]

Is the grass greener on the other side?

 

[Hammsolo]

Is the grass greener on the other side?
For the reason only God knows wife and I have worked everything out for 41 years now. I've become complacent have to deal with her mood swings and Med's.
I know how to deal with garbage, I'm not sure if I could handle the garbage I don't know.

Everyone is an individual and every story is different. We need to make sure we TRY to see the world though other’s binos and hear their story.

I also think it’s important to keep working. What happens to a rifle that we leave alone in inhospitable conditions? Do we clean that ol’ rifle up and freshen it up with some new shiny parts? It’s wise to research that piece and determine it’s value. Is it a Pre-64, or a Savage 110?

 

[Nick87]

@HighDesertSage I know I’ve shared before, so I’ll try not to recap. I was also married to my ex for 14 years. I am now about 7 years out. My wife had 3 long term affairs. I nearly destroyed myself due to religious belief systems and family pressures. In the end it didn’t do my girl any good either. I am so happy you stood up for yourself.

A few words of wisdom:
- You are more valuable and wonderful than you know. You are not a failure. You have two amazing daughters. This will lead you to amazing places.
- Don’t trash your ex, but don’t BS Your children or families either. Sticking to the facts and focusing on goals is the way to go.
- Put yourself first, if you’re not healthy you can’t be the best Dad you can be.
- Strategically create a support system to move you forward. You need a blend. Who is good for you? Who loves you? Who wants what is best for you? Who tells you the truth? A friend? A family member? A counselor? A doctor? A co-worker? A pastor? A mentor? We ALL need support in life.
- Be patient, but also keep moving forward daily.
- Happier days lay ahead. Start dreaming about your future. Start setting goals and thinking of boundaries. Do not compromise on what you want I’m the future.
- I am always down for talking directly. I believe challenges help us learn, and then we are able to help others.

God Bless Brother

Lots of good advice there

 

[Movi]

Damn this thread is heavy.

 

[Bigjay73]

Is the grass greener on the other side?

You're goddamn right it is. Best thing I ever did was get divorced

 

[Hammsolo]

You're goddamn right it is. Best thing I ever did was get divorced

It definitely can be! My first marriage was insane because my ex-wife was clinically insane, and had to even be hospitalized. She would pull it together through treatment and meds. Then… she’d stop taking her meds.

My now wife Kim is “greener.” We are a fit. We have a healthy loving relationship. Shoot, she even supports me going hunting!

 

[OntarioHunter]

I just read this entire thread and it leaves me more confused. My wife of of 6 years does not seem to be the person she used to be. I'm the kind of guy who gets excited (possibly overly excited) about everything, a hunting trip, getting to go out for a date night, whatever. She literally has no excitement for anything. All she does is get angry at me for every single little thing (I know this can be skewed but I really don't think it's just my point of view). I want her to enjoy something so much its worth getting up in the morning but she doesn't like anything. I have thought about getting a divorce more times than i care to admit. But, We have 2 amazing girls (under 5) that I would do absolutely anything for. So that leaves me thinking, isn't my unhappiness worth them having a normal life? I don't know how you guys know when to pull the plug but dangit it's hard. Sorry for the vent. I just appreciate that there is a bunch of like minded people that will hear me out.

Glad you spoke up. The two of you need to see someone. A third party professional. Not family or friends.

 

[rtraverdavis]

Glad you spoke up. The two of you need to see someone. A third party professional. Not family or friends.

@Benjamins

Totally agreed with OH. Counseling saved my marriage. My wife and I had all the right stuff, but our wires were all crossed and working with a good counselor was pivotal in understanding and communicating with each other. Wouldn’t have made it if we didn’t have someone who knew their stuff helping us sort it out. But you’ve both got to be willing and committed to the process, which can be hard as hell. For my wife and I, it was worth it. YMMV