Dad Joke thread

[noharleyyet]

 

[Deez Nutz]

How do you get a country girl to like you?

Attract her (a tractor)


hehe

 

[seeth07]

I buy my guns from a guy named T-Rex. He is a small arms dealer.

 

[seeth07]

I don't know why no one likes to eat poisonous mushrooms, they are to die for.

 

[mxracer317]

Drove by the cemetery today, people are dying to get in there.

 

[fmnjr]

For you guys that are married...

My wife likes to talk...
and I listen...
boy, do I listen.

 

[kansasdad]

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian if they have any books on Pavlov’s dogs, and Schroëdinger’s cat.


The librarian replays, that it rings a bell, but she doesn’t know if they are there or not

 

[noharleyyet]

 

[noharleyyet]

So true...

 

[Dakotakid]

Drove by the cemetery today, people are dying to get in there.

My mother and her friend drove by a cemetery and her friend said “wow that is a pretty cemetery.”
My mother said well “that is the last place I want to see.”

From the back seat I piped up with “duly noted”

Mom did not find the humor. Her friend laughed hard.

 

[kansasdad]

Who’s got your nose???

 

[seeth07]

What do you call a moose with no name?

Anonymoose!

 

[BAKPAKR]

So true...
View attachment 345016

I just added some duct tape to mine.

 

[noharleyyet]

I just added some duct tape to mine.

I should tape mine shut also.

 

[seeth07]

If we removed all the margarine in the world, it would be a butter place.

 

[noharleyyet]

 

[kansasdad]

 

[noharleyyet]

 

[QuazyQuinton]

My wife, making a grocery list: I'm going to make cinnamon rolls, so I need brown sugar. It takes a ton.

Me: Two pounds to a bag...that's a thousand bags....

Eyeroll and groan achieved!

QQ

 

[Diabloo]

I gave my handyman a to-do list, but he only did jobs 1, 3, and 5. Turns out he only does odd jobs.