antelopedundee
Well-known member
A little humour for your day
- Thread starter Tradewind
- Start date
Hunting Wife
Well-known member
antelopedundee
Well-known member
POLICE OFFICER TEST!
How do you tell the difference between a Canadian Police Officer, an Australian Police Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottish Police Officer?
QUESTION:You're a policeman, on duty by yourself. You are walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you and screaming something that sounds like obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you.
You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it. However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you. What do you do?
ANSWERS:
Canadian Police Officer:
Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's rights under The Charter of Rights and Freedoms:
1) Does the man look poor and/or oppressed?
2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?
3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger?
4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
5) Has my uniform caused him anguish?
6) Could I run away?
7) Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand?
8) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings?
9) Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this send to society?
10) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?
Australian Police Officer:
BANG !
American Police Officer:
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
'Click' . . . Reload . . .
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
Glasgow Police Officer:
"Haw, Jimmie....! Drop the wee knife reet this minute noo, unless ye want it stuck up yer arse!"
How do you tell the difference between a Canadian Police Officer, an Australian Police Officer, an American Police Officer and a Scottish Police Officer?
QUESTION:You're a policeman, on duty by yourself. You are walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you and screaming something that sounds like obscenities, raises the knife and lunges at you.
You are carrying your truncheon and are an expert in using it. However, you have only a split second to react before he reaches you. What do you do?
ANSWERS:
Canadian Police Officer:
Firstly, the Officer must consider the man's rights under The Charter of Rights and Freedoms:
1) Does the man look poor and/or oppressed?
2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?
3) Is this really a knife or a ceremonial dagger?
4) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
5) Has my uniform caused him anguish?
6) Could I run away?
7) Could I possibly swing my truncheon and knock the knife out of his hand?
8) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong-doings?
9) Why am I carrying a truncheon anyway and what kind of message does this send to society?
10) If I hurt him and lose the subsequent court case, does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and the loss of my family home?
Australian Police Officer:
BANG !
American Police Officer:
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
'Click' . . . Reload . . .
BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG ! BANG !
Glasgow Police Officer:
"Haw, Jimmie....! Drop the wee knife reet this minute noo, unless ye want it stuck up yer arse!"
antlerradar
Well-known member
Looks appetizing compared to some of the delicacies my wife saw in China.
Hunting Wife
Well-known member
Brought back Alien nightmares from my childhood
SwaggyD
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2022
- Messages
- 1,743
Literally just kicked one under my fridge.
antelopedundee
Well-known member
My trick is to wet my fingers a tad on some radish leaves or something similar.
antelopedundee
Well-known member
stevejfarms
Well-known member
An egg without a yolk, one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen. I hope this unfortunate soul got the help they need to get through that level of disappointment.
noharleyyet
Well-known member
Yokeless is what yogurt is to ice cream. BleccchAn egg without a yolk, one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen. I hope this unfortunate soul got the help they need to get through that level of disappointment.
antelopedundee
Well-known member
Subject: Seniors Pharmaceutical Advice
I tried this stuff once because I knew I needed to be more assertive and someone told me it would be a "quick fix".
It worked well and now my son tells me I am bossy, I don't need to take anything!
Finally, an honest email advertisement.
I don't understand why prescription medicine is allowed to advertise on TV or why anyone would think of trying one of the medicines after listening to the laundry list of warnings of possible side effects. But this is definitely an exception!
Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you wish you were a better conversationalist?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
Do you sometimes feel stressed?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon.
Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident. It can help ease you out of your
shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.
You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses,
you'll overcome obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing
of the past. You will discover talents you never knew you had.
Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it,
but women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.
Side Effects May Include:
Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, delusions of grandeur,
table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night Strip Poker,
Truth or Dare, and Naked Twister.
Warnings:
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your friends repeatedly that you love them.
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster, and better
looking than most people.
Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc, Pinot Grigio, Tequila, Scotch, Vodka or Bourbon, and of course Beer, may be
substituted for Cabernet Sauvignon, with similar results.
Please feel free to share this important information.
p.s. Seniors need all the help they can get to shine!
LIFE IS A CABERNET ❤
I tried this stuff once because I knew I needed to be more assertive and someone told me it would be a "quick fix".
It worked well and now my son tells me I am bossy, I don't need to take anything!
Finally, an honest email advertisement.
I don't understand why prescription medicine is allowed to advertise on TV or why anyone would think of trying one of the medicines after listening to the laundry list of warnings of possible side effects. But this is definitely an exception!
Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you wish you were a better conversationalist?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?
Do you sometimes feel stressed?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about Cabernet Sauvignon.
Cabernet Sauvignon is the safe, natural way to feel better and more confident. It can help ease you out of your
shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything.
You will notice the benefits of Cabernet Sauvignon almost immediately and, with a regimen of regular doses,
you'll overcome obstacles that prevent you from living the life you want. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing
of the past. You will discover talents you never knew you had.
Cabernet Sauvignon may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use it,
but women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it.
Side Effects May Include:
Dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, delusions of grandeur,
table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night Strip Poker,
Truth or Dare, and Naked Twister.
Warnings:
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to tell your friends repeatedly that you love them.
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may cause you to think you can sing.
The consumption of Cabernet Sauvignon may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster, and better
looking than most people.
Chardonnay, Sauvignon Blanc, Pinot Grigio, Tequila, Scotch, Vodka or Bourbon, and of course Beer, may be
substituted for Cabernet Sauvignon, with similar results.
Please feel free to share this important information.
p.s. Seniors need all the help they can get to shine!
LIFE IS A CABERNET ❤
antelopedundee
Well-known member
Why the Chinese flew a balloon.
8. Hallway Sex
When you pass each other in the hallway and you both hiss "fu** you!" under your breath.
noharleyyet
Well-known member
OntarioHunter
Well-known member
- Joined
- Sep 11, 2020
- Messages
- 5,989
What's that little window marked "S" at the bottom? Brown line shows up means "Oops, you crapped on the test stick! Try again."
It’s a Covid test
