antelopedundee
Well-known member
Six Types of Sex. . .
1. PENSION SEX
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Pension sex."
"Pension sex?" "Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
2. LOUD SEX
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"
3. Silent Sex
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him and replied, "You're never home!"
4. ARGUMENT SEX
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yelled, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife -
Cold as Ever.'" "Yeah," she replies, "when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff at Last.'"
5. WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he left the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs, and he couldn't get back in.
6. ELDERLY SEX
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo and found her 97-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor, assisted living apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court on the charge
of murder, the judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense. She began coolly, 'Yes, your honor. I figured that at 97, if he could still have sex, he could also probably fly.
1. PENSION SEX
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Pension sex."
"Pension sex?" "Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"
2. LOUD SEX
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "it wakes me up!"
3. Silent Sex
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him and replied, "You're never home!"
4. ARGUMENT SEX
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yelled, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife -
Cold as Ever.'" "Yeah," she replies, "when you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:
'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff at Last.'"
5. WOMEN'S HUMOROUS SEX
My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he left the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs, and he couldn't get back in.
6. ELDERLY SEX
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo and found her 97-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor, assisted living apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court on the charge
of murder, the judge asked her if she had anything to say in her defense. She began coolly, 'Yes, your honor. I figured that at 97, if he could still have sex, he could also probably fly.
