Mooretitan
Member
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2021
- Messages
- 29
My daughter would have been 17 on Sunday. If anyone is struggling or knows someone that is struggling-heart goes out to you
Had to read this at her funeral
Hardest thing for a man to live with is knowing he failed
Thank You to everyone who is here today. My family and I are grateful to each one of you. The kind words and support have been amazing. My mother-in-law told me a couple of days ago that she has never seen anything like this. I know this town can get a bad rap but for those who live here, we understand the compassion and love that this community has for people. Whether it’s my **** Family, ***** family, ***** family, my wifes work or the church the out pour of love has helped, I am proud to be from this town. With that, I know most of you did not really know Olivia very well. I hope that I can do justice to her by telling her story the way she would want it to be told. Unedited, raw and truthful. She believed her story should be an open book.
The truth is my daughter’s life can really be broken down into 3 stages. The 1st stage was before her birth until the age of 12. My wife and I struggled to have her and the joy that she brought into our lives was amazing. She was this powerful, strong willed, spirited little girl. She naturally resisted everything we tried to do. She got out of her crib constantly; she threw her cheerios off her highchair. No matter how we disciplined her she would not change her way. Stubborn. She was not going to be told what to do. During this time, she developed a deep love for her family, especially her brother. She thought he hung the moon. He was always her rock. She would turn to him often for love and support, He just understood her. She also developed a true love for the water. It did not matter if it was a pool, a river, the ocean or just a rainstorm, it always brought peace to her. As she grew older, she grew in her faith in the Lord. Her faith was strong and unwavering. She would read her bible each night and pray for people that she hardly knew. Many times, it was for families and athletes that I coached. I was always amazed at how such a young person could care so much about people she hardly knew. I want you to know many of you here today were in her pray book. She also began to read the bible to her sisters each night. I hope her sisters will remember those times and find comfort knowing she loved them and wanted the best for them. Her teachers always told us how strong she was and how she would conquer the world. For the most part her life was pretty normal. She was just a beautiful girl who seemed to be heading towards a great life. Little did we know the battles that lay ahead.
As she started into her teenage year’s things begin to unwind. Things from her childhood that had been kept at bay were going to come out and take over her life. It was like a switch was turned on and there was nothing we could do to change the direction she was heading. It did not matter how much love was poured into her, it did not matter how hard she and her mother prayed. It would not matter the times I would beg for her to be healed. The Autism and OCD were going morph into a deadly battle with anorexia. Looking back no one could see the perfect storm that would destroy her life and create such great pain for her and my family. Anorexia would ultimately destroy her brain and take over her thoughts. I know it was a struggle for her battling the voices of self-doubt and self-worth. I remember the day that everything came to light. For anyone who has felt the great pain of a child struggling I feel for you. Holding her trembling body that day in the pool was one of the hardest days of my life. Things got real very fast. My wife and I were about to find out the difficulties of finding Olivia help. To say or mental health care system is broken in an understatement. It seemed we were turned away at every corner. Places would not take her, waiting list months long, insurance not covering, it did not seem to matter. Olivia’s strong will and refusal to seek help did not help the situation. She just could not find the words to express her pain. We took it upon ourselves to bring her back to health and at times it seemed to work. That 1st year was a rough one and then towards her 14th birthday everything took a turn for the worse. She stopped eating and drinking completely for 3 days and we found ourselves rushing her to the hospital, where she would spend 10 days in the eating disordered unit. My poor wife having to sleep next to her each night with various doctors checking on her. My wife shielded me from the worst of it. I was the lucky one that stayed home with the kids. The things my wife endured the last 3 years would have broken me. It just hurt too much to see her in such pain. Eventually Olivia would go to an facility out of state on July 1st, 2021. Nothing prepares a parent to say goodbye to their child as they walk them through those doors. 2 months there pretty much broke her. She had been sheltered from much of the ugliness of the world. There she would face it each day. My wife would spend a month there away from us. Her being gone from us was extremely hard on everyone. To be a man and father and not help your child will be the greatest failure of my life. She eventually came home, and we tried to get back to normal. I would spend hours with her on therapy which she never wanted to do. I don’t think many knew the pain my family was going through. My children and wife were pillars of strength for Olivia. They never wavered on supporting her even when it put their own lives on hold. Olivia became a full-time job. She would relapse a few times here and there. She would go on to develop depression, anxiety, self-harm to go along with her OCD, ADD, Autism and few other health problems. She spent a few more months in different rehab centers and psych wards. It was then we were told that Olivia was not going to make it. They told us there would not be any warning, no reason, no explanation. She was just not normal, and the chemistry of her brain was too impulsive. These words were hard to hear but deep-down my wife and I knew they were right. It would be our job to keep her as safe as possible and hopefully prove them wrong. It would be come all eyes on Olivia. Doors off, no locks on anything, everything kept in safes, body checks, medicine, sleeping next to her. It became the routine. And even then, we could not keep her completely safe. I remember the countless times I would have to tend to her wounds. Nothing can ever heal your soul for the pain I was watching her endure. She was such a lost little girl. Once the most powerful force I knew was a shadow of herself. I think her words say it best: “My biggest fear is that people will see me the way I see myself” It seemed she would never find peace and joy. Through all of this she turned to the Lord and asked to heal her heart and mind.
Had to read this at her funeral
Hardest thing for a man to live with is knowing he failed
Thank You to everyone who is here today. My family and I are grateful to each one of you. The kind words and support have been amazing. My mother-in-law told me a couple of days ago that she has never seen anything like this. I know this town can get a bad rap but for those who live here, we understand the compassion and love that this community has for people. Whether it’s my **** Family, ***** family, ***** family, my wifes work or the church the out pour of love has helped, I am proud to be from this town. With that, I know most of you did not really know Olivia very well. I hope that I can do justice to her by telling her story the way she would want it to be told. Unedited, raw and truthful. She believed her story should be an open book.
The truth is my daughter’s life can really be broken down into 3 stages. The 1st stage was before her birth until the age of 12. My wife and I struggled to have her and the joy that she brought into our lives was amazing. She was this powerful, strong willed, spirited little girl. She naturally resisted everything we tried to do. She got out of her crib constantly; she threw her cheerios off her highchair. No matter how we disciplined her she would not change her way. Stubborn. She was not going to be told what to do. During this time, she developed a deep love for her family, especially her brother. She thought he hung the moon. He was always her rock. She would turn to him often for love and support, He just understood her. She also developed a true love for the water. It did not matter if it was a pool, a river, the ocean or just a rainstorm, it always brought peace to her. As she grew older, she grew in her faith in the Lord. Her faith was strong and unwavering. She would read her bible each night and pray for people that she hardly knew. Many times, it was for families and athletes that I coached. I was always amazed at how such a young person could care so much about people she hardly knew. I want you to know many of you here today were in her pray book. She also began to read the bible to her sisters each night. I hope her sisters will remember those times and find comfort knowing she loved them and wanted the best for them. Her teachers always told us how strong she was and how she would conquer the world. For the most part her life was pretty normal. She was just a beautiful girl who seemed to be heading towards a great life. Little did we know the battles that lay ahead.
As she started into her teenage year’s things begin to unwind. Things from her childhood that had been kept at bay were going to come out and take over her life. It was like a switch was turned on and there was nothing we could do to change the direction she was heading. It did not matter how much love was poured into her, it did not matter how hard she and her mother prayed. It would not matter the times I would beg for her to be healed. The Autism and OCD were going morph into a deadly battle with anorexia. Looking back no one could see the perfect storm that would destroy her life and create such great pain for her and my family. Anorexia would ultimately destroy her brain and take over her thoughts. I know it was a struggle for her battling the voices of self-doubt and self-worth. I remember the day that everything came to light. For anyone who has felt the great pain of a child struggling I feel for you. Holding her trembling body that day in the pool was one of the hardest days of my life. Things got real very fast. My wife and I were about to find out the difficulties of finding Olivia help. To say or mental health care system is broken in an understatement. It seemed we were turned away at every corner. Places would not take her, waiting list months long, insurance not covering, it did not seem to matter. Olivia’s strong will and refusal to seek help did not help the situation. She just could not find the words to express her pain. We took it upon ourselves to bring her back to health and at times it seemed to work. That 1st year was a rough one and then towards her 14th birthday everything took a turn for the worse. She stopped eating and drinking completely for 3 days and we found ourselves rushing her to the hospital, where she would spend 10 days in the eating disordered unit. My poor wife having to sleep next to her each night with various doctors checking on her. My wife shielded me from the worst of it. I was the lucky one that stayed home with the kids. The things my wife endured the last 3 years would have broken me. It just hurt too much to see her in such pain. Eventually Olivia would go to an facility out of state on July 1st, 2021. Nothing prepares a parent to say goodbye to their child as they walk them through those doors. 2 months there pretty much broke her. She had been sheltered from much of the ugliness of the world. There she would face it each day. My wife would spend a month there away from us. Her being gone from us was extremely hard on everyone. To be a man and father and not help your child will be the greatest failure of my life. She eventually came home, and we tried to get back to normal. I would spend hours with her on therapy which she never wanted to do. I don’t think many knew the pain my family was going through. My children and wife were pillars of strength for Olivia. They never wavered on supporting her even when it put their own lives on hold. Olivia became a full-time job. She would relapse a few times here and there. She would go on to develop depression, anxiety, self-harm to go along with her OCD, ADD, Autism and few other health problems. She spent a few more months in different rehab centers and psych wards. It was then we were told that Olivia was not going to make it. They told us there would not be any warning, no reason, no explanation. She was just not normal, and the chemistry of her brain was too impulsive. These words were hard to hear but deep-down my wife and I knew they were right. It would be our job to keep her as safe as possible and hopefully prove them wrong. It would be come all eyes on Olivia. Doors off, no locks on anything, everything kept in safes, body checks, medicine, sleeping next to her. It became the routine. And even then, we could not keep her completely safe. I remember the countless times I would have to tend to her wounds. Nothing can ever heal your soul for the pain I was watching her endure. She was such a lost little girl. Once the most powerful force I knew was a shadow of herself. I think her words say it best: “My biggest fear is that people will see me the way I see myself” It seemed she would never find peace and joy. Through all of this she turned to the Lord and asked to heal her heart and mind.
