elk_hunter
Active member
You said nobody overnight - she broke that - follow through with police involvement (throttle that however you see fit) since the severity warrants what happened (theft).
Lock them up?
- Thread starter the nikster
- Start date
LopeHunter
Well-known member
+1.
The chain of events began with the ill-fated decision for someone to enter your home without permission. Was she in duress? Homeless and unable to seek permission since had no way to reach you?
Sounds like she made a very poor choice. She may have committed theft. In my mind, as a parent, she is responsible for the chain of events. Much as a shoplifter tussles with a shopkeeper and the shopkeeper suffers a heart attack resulting in a much more serious crime than anticipated by the shoplifter...the buck stops with the daughter.
Have you drug tested her? You can use a hair sample or saliva swab. I have known many functional junkies that still look fresh-faced initially.
The chain of events began with the ill-fated decision for someone to enter your home without permission. Was she in duress? Homeless and unable to seek permission since had no way to reach you?
Sounds like she made a very poor choice. She may have committed theft. In my mind, as a parent, she is responsible for the chain of events. Much as a shoplifter tussles with a shopkeeper and the shopkeeper suffers a heart attack resulting in a much more serious crime than anticipated by the shoplifter...the buck stops with the daughter.
Have you drug tested her? You can use a hair sample or saliva swab. I have known many functional junkies that still look fresh-faced initially.
Doing the right thing after doing or allowing a wrong thing is hard medicine, but still the right thing to do. I hope that in the end she will respect your wishes and property more as you firmly, lovingly require justice from herself and her "friends".
Sorry to hear about what happened. I can't add anything to all the great responses of how to handle it.
Moving out two days before your return seems really odd unless it was prior knowledge. Or she wanted the excuse that she wasn't there and is not sure how it happened...
Hoping she is a good kid that did a dumb thing by going against your wishes and not caught up in something.
Good luck
Moving out two days before your return seems really odd unless it was prior knowledge. Or she wanted the excuse that she wasn't there and is not sure how it happened...
Hoping she is a good kid that did a dumb thing by going against your wishes and not caught up in something.
Good luck
brownbear932008
Well-known member
I'm a little bias almost 20 years in law enforcement. Call the police and do all involved a favor may save your neighbors house from break in or something even worse. If nothing else there will be some fear put into a few people and show that you won't stand for it and just write it off as being "okay".
sweetnectar
New member
Your home your rules. I'd first address the boyfriend spending the night foul. Did your daughter think that it was OK by you to have her boyfriend spend the night with her in your home? Did she think it was OK by you and your wife to hold some parties in your home while you were gone? In no uncertain terms I'd make sure your rules are restated and laid out and the violations understood. Once the violations are stated like "under your watch we had these items stolen and bla bla bla," I'd state remedies predetermined by you and your wife that would be acceptable to make things right. These could include drug testing. I agree with others that law enforcement should be involved....if nothing else some sort of report filled out for your home owners insurance....not sure what your deductible is but it may be less then the total cost of everything stolen. And by all means, you are her parents and probably know her better then most. Go with what your gut says.
Now a few other things...crazy things...but things none the less.
1. Get your couch cleaned...no telling what happened on it while you were gone.
2. See if your daughter is pregnant as she may have become so while her "boyfriend" spent the night.
3. Throw out any tooth brushes as someone may have brushed their butt while attending the wild parties at your house.
4. Just get everything cleaned because of the parties. Barf sinks in and is just not sanitary.
5. Remember you really don't know what went on but your daughter and her friends have a good idea and a watered down version tailored to you.
Good luck...I'm thinking there is no harder job then being a parent.
Now a few other things...crazy things...but things none the less.
1. Get your couch cleaned...no telling what happened on it while you were gone.
2. See if your daughter is pregnant as she may have become so while her "boyfriend" spent the night.
3. Throw out any tooth brushes as someone may have brushed their butt while attending the wild parties at your house.
4. Just get everything cleaned because of the parties. Barf sinks in and is just not sanitary.
5. Remember you really don't know what went on but your daughter and her friends have a good idea and a watered down version tailored to you.
Good luck...I'm thinking there is no harder job then being a parent.
buckykm1
Member
I would call the Police, a lesson needs to be learned, whether she was involved, or her friends, either way, you told her not to have other people in your house. JMO
Kevin
Kevin
quarterhorse
Active member
First she broke your rules for your house. Deal with that one. Second, if she did not steal the stuff herself she is hanging out with the people who did. Our kids eventually end up doing the same things that their friends do, so some stealing may be in her future if it's not happening already. Head that one off if you can. Best of luck.
Bambistew
Well-known member
A felony is more than a "lesson," I think I'd try to work it out without the cops first, and if all else fails go to them. Let those kids know this is a potentially life changing moment and they better get their chit together or it's not going to be pretty.
Sucks to be in this situation.
Sucks to be in this situation.
ashersdad
Well-known member
Had a similar situation recently. While on vacation our 15 yr old neighbor watches the pets for us. Long story short, one night she tells her parents she is sleeping over at a friends and instead has a party at our house. Thank God most of our valuables were in the gun safe. Still came home to missing electronics and some broken furniture. I was mad as hell but my wife calmed me down and we decided it would be best if she went to her parents (I was too pissed). When she told her parents, her Dad immediately called the police. We decided to not press charges but I'll tell you what, she got the hell scared out of her. Her parents made it right by us as well.
Good luck. Tough situation to be in.
Good luck. Tough situation to be in.
M
MN Public Hunter
Guest
From this description I hate to tell you, but it sounds like your daughter was in on it. Send them all to jail....sorry, but she has to learn it's just not right one way or another.
belly-deep
Active member
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2009
- Messages
- 3,459
Don't get the police involved just yet.
Put it on your daughter to get the stuff back. No consequences, just as long as it comes back. If the police come knocking, nobody is going to know anything. But if she asks them they might be more inclined to return it.
If she can't produce, give her the choice of paying you back or giving a list of names for the police. And if the police can't produce, she is still on the hook.
While technically someone else probably stole the items, in reality, its your daughter's fault that you were harmed. She needs to understand that.
Put it on your daughter to get the stuff back. No consequences, just as long as it comes back. If the police come knocking, nobody is going to know anything. But if she asks them they might be more inclined to return it.
If she can't produce, give her the choice of paying you back or giving a list of names for the police. And if the police can't produce, she is still on the hook.
While technically someone else probably stole the items, in reality, its your daughter's fault that you were harmed. She needs to understand that.
MTpubliclander
Member
If they are taking prescription drugs I feel like the police need to be involved, Hope it works out for ya!!!
belly-deep
Active member
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2009
- Messages
- 3,459
Your home your rules. I'd first address the boyfriend spending the night foul. Did your daughter think that it was OK by you to have her boyfriend spend the night with her in your home? Did she think it was OK by you and your wife to hold some parties in your home while you were gone? In no uncertain terms I'd make sure your rules are restated and laid out and the violations understood. Once the violations are stated like "under your watch we had these items stolen and bla bla bla," I'd state remedies predetermined by you and your wife that would be acceptable to make things right. These could include drug testing. I agree with others that law enforcement should be involved....if nothing else some sort of report filled out for your home owners insurance....not sure what your deductible is but it may be less then the total cost of everything stolen. And by all means, you are her parents and probably know her better then most. Go with what your gut says.
Now a few other things...crazy things...but things none the less.
1. Get your couch cleaned...no telling what happened on it while you were gone.
2. See if your daughter is pregnant as she may have become so while her "boyfriend" spent the night.
3. Throw out any tooth brushes as someone may have brushed their butt while attending the wild parties at your house.
4. Just get everything cleaned because of the parties. Barf sinks in and is just not sanitary.
5. Remember you really don't know what went on but your daughter and her friends have a good idea and a watered down version tailored to you.
Good luck...I'm thinking there is no harder job then being a parent.
I like the idea of drug testing, but #1,2, and 4 are idiotic. Especially #2.
Tom
New member
Nikster - having a 19 y/o myself and knowing how well they like to follow advice/rules I feel your pain
This is how I would handle it with my boy. I would have a itemized list of what was missing with cash values. Then I would explain how she is responsible for these costs since it was her company that stole it. Then we would talk about how she wanted to go about getting the stolen items back, or paying for them. If she is anything like my boys, the first 5 minutes will be a blank stare and a repeated phrase of "it's not my fault". So after explaining 14 times why it is her fault and why she is responsible for the people she brought/allowed into your home, I would give the same suggestions as the above posters, but put it on her how she wants to handle it (with your help of course) Police involvement, letter to the party goers, a guy name Veto, don't really care, but it has to be on HER with your help and guidance to rectify the crappy situation.
And if she is like my boys, I would be able to lead her to how I wanted it handled and she would think it was all her idea
My 2 cents
Jorgy
That's really good, I'm for that.
bobbydean
Well-known member
This post just tears me apart. There is not a correct answer. I went through an episode with my daughter. Model citizen until 18 or 19. Wrong crowd. Lost her job . We kicked her out of the house we had bought for her. She went down , horribly down.. I didn't think she would live past 3 months. She finally asked for rehab. Cost a fortune. Good investment. She has been clean and productive for 1½ years. Still needs financial help, but is working full time. We moved her out of state to Colorado and living expenses are expensive.
No advice. Do want you think is right. I wish I had called in the police at the first sign of trouble. Each situation is different.
No advice. Do want you think is right. I wish I had called in the police at the first sign of trouble. Each situation is different.
Good reply Bobby, I have been thinking about Nick a lot and how we can all quarterback from the couch, but he has to live it. I hope and pray things are going as good as possible Nick. Hopefully your daughter had a one time lapse in judgment and allowed the wrong people into your home who saw an opportunity and took it, no matter the cost to you or your daughter. Hang in there and Best wishes!
-Show me your friend's and I'll show you your future-
This is a saying I think about often and believe it to be 100% true. I used it to steer me throughout high school, college, and beyond and it has served me very well. Though I don't have any advice apart from what has already been suggested I think you need to do whatever you can to keep her away from those that were at the party. Things can go downhill quickly when mixed up with the wrong crowd.
Good luck. It's a very difficult spot you are in right now but I'm sure you will get through it and hopefully some positive will come out of it (like her realizing that she has a bunch of loser friends).
This is a saying I think about often and believe it to be 100% true. I used it to steer me throughout high school, college, and beyond and it has served me very well. Though I don't have any advice apart from what has already been suggested I think you need to do whatever you can to keep her away from those that were at the party. Things can go downhill quickly when mixed up with the wrong crowd.
Good luck. It's a very difficult spot you are in right now but I'm sure you will get through it and hopefully some positive will come out of it (like her realizing that she has a bunch of loser friends).
JWP58
Banned
You can call the Police, however its probably going nowhere real fast.
They'll come, get the basic's (who, what, when, where, etc). They'll probably interview your daughter, and all the turds that were at your house. Im sure by now they have their stories straight, so without any physical evidence that can tie anyone to taking anything.....there's not much more they can do. But who knows, maybe little johnny will get scared and spill the beans and fess up. However in my experience unless you can get them to accidentally slip up in their lies, and expose inconsistencies that opens the door to reasonable suspicion or probable cause....its a tough row to hoe.
I think you just paid about two grand to learn a valuable lesson: Don't trust 19yr olds, ever.
They'll come, get the basic's (who, what, when, where, etc). They'll probably interview your daughter, and all the turds that were at your house. Im sure by now they have their stories straight, so without any physical evidence that can tie anyone to taking anything.....there's not much more they can do. But who knows, maybe little johnny will get scared and spill the beans and fess up. However in my experience unless you can get them to accidentally slip up in their lies, and expose inconsistencies that opens the door to reasonable suspicion or probable cause....its a tough row to hoe.
I think you just paid about two grand to learn a valuable lesson: Don't trust 19yr olds, ever.
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