kids sneaking out

[OntarioHunter]

Hide an Apple AirTag in her bra.

 

[OntarioHunter]

Who's paying her phone bill? Threaten to pull the plug on that and you can put away the whip and chair. Kitty will be domesticated.

 

[Nick87]

Hide an Apple AirTag in her bra.

Who's paying her phone bill? Threaten to pull the plug on that and you can put away the whip and chair. Kitty will be domesticated.

OK creepy Joe.

 

[perma]

OK creepy Joe.

glad i wasnt the only one thinking that

wtf

 

[Ckidd_21]

I have two little ones and man is this scarring the you know what outta me. Me or my siblings never had problems but my wife and her siblings did. Sorry you’re going through this. I really hope your able to make it through this with a solid relationship with her.

 

[Stifler]

My uncle put a tracker on his kids phone, I kinda get it... He lost my cousin already to a accident... I think I agree with his tactic vs scare tactics. knowing where they are seems to give him relief now. Not really a good way to say what fits your situation.

You could be a real peach like my aunt, when we were kids when we were being disrespectful or breaking rules. If she'd catch us we had to do push-ups till we puked. Out of all the ass whoopings my dad gave me, that was worse. It takes along time to do that many push-ups.

 

[Ought Six]

How did it get to this point? To be brutally honest, counseling should have probably occurred a year or 2 ago when the symptoms first started… once per week solo counseling for her now isn’t going to do a thing, way past that point. YPHP (in-patient psych), and weekly family counseling with the parents (you guys), is probably a good path forward, as obviously something isn’t jiving between your parenting style and her personality, and your parenting style and habits are contributing to the negative situation… I mean mom smashing the phone isn’t a good reaction for fixing the situation and is teaching some pretty extreme behavior as being normal, there are probably other examples as well not mentioned in the thread, and I understand, kids will drive us to our wits end.

I don’t think trapping her in and/or setting alarm systems is going to make the situation any better either. Take Dave N as an example. Might keep her from sneaking out at night, but behaviors during the day when she’s allowed to be out will only get worse. Tough situation, sorry you have to endure it.

 

[PRO MO]

Who's paying her phone bill? Threaten to pull the plug on that and you can put away the whip and chair. Kitty will be domesticated.

Phones long gone at this point. She’ll sneak onto other people’s any chance she gets, download Snapchat real quick, fire off messages, and delete it again. and has even had friends get her a “burner” phone.

 

[shelbycoltd]

Phones long gone at this point. She’ll sneak onto other people’s any chance she gets, download Snapchat real quick, fire off messages, and delete it again. and has even had friends get her a “burner” phone.

is this a 13 year old girl or Avon Barksdale we're talking about?
stringer bell?

 

[Carnage2011]

I mean absolutely no disrespect with these comments but from what I’ve seen coaching and in working with kids through big brothers big sisters it’s usually one of a couple things.

1) Has she lost respect for you for some reason? Empty threats or empty promises? When kids have parents that constantly threaten but never hold the line they will often lose respect just out of their knowledge that nothing is going to be acted on.

2) Does she have any other siblings that she may be jealous of? If so, does she get the same attention as her siblings? Does she show her own interest in anything that she can pursue?

3) Has she started to hangout with different kids? Perhaps she’s had some changes that have caused her to shift her thinking and seek out new friends that are bad influences. That one is tough to fix.

Hopefully you can get it turned around. That’s a really tough situation.

 

[Sytes]

we're trying to figure that out, all options are on the table at this point, even in-patient therapy, but hoping her counselor can make headway before having to go to the next steps. Her grandpa offered to pay for boarding school so that's on the table.

I don't know the setting, background, etc - nor do others here. Sounds like there is much more to this than a simple gal wanting to hang out when she's not allowed. Nor is it our business to know more details. I'll lay out our experience and take what little or any shared by ourselves as you find fitting. A quality psychologist is a great move.

What a challenge Pro Mo! Been there and don't envy those days. Phones? Hah! Been there, dealt with that! We found value allowing her to keep her phone to monitor ( https://www.qustodio.com/en/ ). Even still, her, "friends" assisted with other phone options, etc. We never told her it monitored her location, nor our ability to monitor her "secret" texts/FB, etc.

My wife adopted coined label "meth baby" who holds some mental challenges and neurological reduced age development along with the extremes of a baby born in a home of meth manufacturing, dealing, and using. Abuses that sting to this day. I joined with her when she wa 11 y/o. She's now 20 y/o and I can not imagine where she would be had it not been for some very strong and very challenging decsions made by my wife. The trauma and self esteem issues are challenging as ever! An amazing gal with a heart of kindness - though easily swayed - for attention.

Following your request for simple alert remedies:
Maybe a motion sensor that alerts you. Either silently or via sound she hears for simple suggestions though the reality, sounds as though she's developed a pattern to make it happen regardless. Squeezing leads to other exit points and expanded resentment. Conversation about the value of birth control pills or other options that give her a feeling of being in charge of her actions and not a parental order.
School kids are almost impossible to break free. One can not restrict the "friends" while at school.

Further action:
If you explore the inpatient threatment route... It does not require a police report based incident to admit for medical evaluation. If there is reasonable concern for a child's safety, take to the ER and the ER doctor will admit to a short term psychologist/psychiatrist facility ( usually 3 days - few weeks) where they will further evaluate via sessions, etc. It's used to identify the severity and Insurance options for longer term facility or locations designed to fit the needs of the child.
YBGR is a great location that is not a medical appearance mental hospital. YBGR holds a christian based foundation w/o the pressure of religion. It's a large ranch/farm facility with a campus setting. Multiple housing units, academy to continue education, great therapy sessions, sports, tradecrafts (i.e. from woodwork to welding), horses, school has swim and volleyball team and they compete as an academy with other schools, etc.
Basically, it's as close as it gets for a youth to not feel labeled while offering the help needed via certified psychologists and psychiatrists counselor therapy sessions and continuous support.

YBGR = Yellowstone Boys and Girls Ranch.

Home Page - Yellowstone Boys and Girls Ranch

www.ybgr.org

There are others - very good ones spread around the Rocky Mountain region. Though speaking for Montana, YBGR is well regarded. I am not a fan of Youth Dynamics though maybe we happen to have a unique bad experience...

Wish you the best.

 

[ismith]

The two reasons I’d sneak out at night when I was a kid where to get drunk and or hump chicks, your mileage may vary.

 

[Hem]

The two reasons I’d sneak out at night when I was a kid where to get drunk and or hump chicks, your mileage may vary.

Brutally honest.
Sounds familiar.
I had a third story attic bedroom.

 

[mxracer317]

When I was a young man, my house was the "hang out" place, and the girls who spent their time at home wanted to spend their time at home, rather than with us. There might be changes that need to be made in the home setting to make it more satisfying than sneaking out to get validation from other kids. Some of the most regular visitors to my place were the military and Mormon kids kept under very rigid thumbs, whose homes had very little in terms of love/validation/acceptance. Just 2 cents from a former rebellious young man.

On the contrary, I am a Mormon and all my non-member high school friends was always hanging out at my place. Reason being; my dad was a great guy and a lot of fun. My buddies gravitated to a great parental figure in their life. Has nothing to do with religion, job, etc. It’s about a culture of respect and stability.

 

[PRO MO]

Thanks everyone for the comments. There’s so much good info and suggestions in here, along with a mostly appropriate amount of bullshit comments which is expected and accepted. We have a plan going forward, and I think this little psycho-therapy sesh was actually productive for me. Feeling a lot better about it after reading all your BS. I’m gonna go back to just posting mostly memes now, thanks again. Xoxoxo
ps can I lock this shit down so it doesn’t go off the rails worse than people have tried already?

 

[ismith]

Thanks everyone for the comments. There’s so much good info and suggestions in here, along with a mostly appropriate amount of bullshit comments which is expected and accepted. We have a plan going forward, and I think this little psycho-therapy sesh was actually productive for me. Feeling a lot better about it after reading all your BS. I’m gonna go back to just posting mostly memes now, thanks again. Xoxoxo
ps can I lock this shit down so it doesn’t go off the rails worse than people have tried already?

I wish you the best of luck. If I’m lucky I’ll be dealing with this same problem in 6 years.

 

[Moserkr]

Not the kind of story I like to read while rocking my 2 year old girl to sleep. I pray neither of my kids turn out like me as a teenager.

Some teens are just crazy little shits, I would know, but my generation was just shy of full blown social media.

When my parents tried to be more strict and correct my behaviors, specifically with a girl I was dating, all hell broke loose. They broke into my emails and read everything, then confronted me in front of her. That just led us down a path of zero trust and even more extreme behaviors. Hormones are a hell of a drug.

My parents are squares, so there was no chance of them being the "cool, trusting, friend yet still a parent" type. In your situation now, being that type of parent will not work. I wish my parents had been even more strict with me and Id probably have been a lot more successful.

So your other option is more strict, and even then it may not work. The sneaking out and involvement with law enforcement is a red line. A simple security system will take care of the sneaking out but be warned - she may just run through it and away. You could nail the window shut but kids will find a way, I sure did. I got past the security system, dead bolted my room door for privacy, and became even more removed from my family.

I was threatened with military school and its honestly what I deserved. They should have sent me there, short of just whopping my ass and leaving me hog tied in my room for 12 hours.

My vote is to remove your child from the easy life at home if possible, send her away from her friends who influence these behaviors, and give her a dose of the real world. I would guess that upon return it will still be very rough, maybe for years to come, but hopefully, eventually she will thank you for it.

Or she could resent you forever. But if shes making choices that put her life in extreme danger, you have to make the choice to protect her at all costs. Which is exactly what kids hate, they think they are invincible and can take on the world alone.

 

[Ought Six]

On the contrary, I am a Mormon and all my non-member high school friends was always hanging out at my place. Reason being; my dad was a great guy and a lot of fun. My buddies gravitated to a great parental figure in their life. Has nothing to do with religion, job, etc. It’s about a culture of respect and stability.

The Mormon girls in my hometown were pretty wild

 

[Dubz337]

The Mormon girls in my hometown were pretty wild

Super Soakers

 

[mxracer317]

Super Soakers

Super classy bro.