Lighten up, Francis.
kids sneaking out
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Lighten up, Francis.
mxracer317
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Great comeback. Throw a derogatory insult and then it’s me with the problem?
Great comeback. Throw a derogatory insult and then it’s me with the problem?
Where's the insult exactly?
mxracer317
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If I made a comment about the Rez, you might not take it funny when talking about a group you belong too. Carry on.
I’d be pretty fine with it actually, cause I have a backbone and jokes don’t hurt my feelings. Especially when they’re not even directed at me. Or if they’re about known funny things about my group, and not derogatory at all. YMMV though.
I take offense to that.
Nick87
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Good.
I kid, I kid. Just trying to lighten the mood
I was joking too. Its hard to convey sarcasm over the internet sometimes lol lot of serious Sallys in here it seems
texwest44
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Yup, that was my point. Hence the part: "...and the girls who spent their time at home wanted to spend their time at home, rather than with us. There might be changes that need to be made in the home setting to make it more satisfying than sneaking out to get validation from other kids."
OntarioHunter
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Well ... that's not good. Don't know what to tell you. Maybe it's not hopeless.
My daughter was a huge pain in the arse during high school years. I was gone quite a bit working out of country and my late wife, God bless her, was totally at a loss to get her under control. Wouldn't go to school and disappeared for weeks on end. Very abusive when she did come home. She was running with a rotten crowd. Then her best friend started doing heroin. And another offed herself. My daughter dumped those screwups. On her own. She had a couple pregnancies terminated (her mom arranged it but never told me) then wound up being a single mom the year after her mother and little brother died. It was a rough start and eventually I had to kick her out (it was more mutual than that). Fortunately, Children's Aid was there to keep an eye on things and govt funding was available to assist financially. Somehow she turned it around and became a model mother. Now she's married to a great guy and has a second child. Things could have turned out better for her ... but they sure could have been a helluva lot worse. At least she is now living a good example for my grandkids (work ethic could use improvement).
Sometimes our kids just have to crawl into a deep hole before they can see the light. I'm so thankful she at least had the sense to draw the line at drugs.
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mxracer317
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Agreed. Being a parent is HARD. Being an intentionally great parent is even HARDER. Something that I fall short of myself.
It’s never hopeless with your kids. Never.
I make no claims to having any of this figured out… there are days where teenage daughters make even the Ward Cleaver type dads want to pull their hair out. But I just keep coming back to spending time together one-on-one doing things she enjoys.
It is not so much that you’re trying to become their friend (you are most certainly not and shouldn’t be), but I think this is key to forming a relationship in which they don’t want to hurt or disappoint you. Or run away from you.
All of the locking of windows, taking phone etc… is addressing symptoms rather than the cause of what is actually going on. I think stuff like that will only make things worse.
Nick87
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In the meantime I don't see how it's unavoidable.
I get it. But it’s only making things worse.
Everyone’s circumstances are different, but if this was me I would sit down immediately upon her returning and have her write down any spot in the US she wanted to go for fun. Great- go pack your s$&@, we leave in the morning.
Nick87
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Maybe, I claim to be no expert parent. Every kid is different. My old man whipped my ass when I got out of line. I thank him for it all the time (I had more coming than what I got in that department). On another note some of the technique you mentioned certainly could have helped a few kids back in the day as well.
OntarioHunter
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It's a biological fact that our young will try to "break out" during the "formative years." If they didn't, we wouldn't survive as a species. How do we as parents keep them from "breaking" in the wrong direction? It's the ageless question that will never be totally answered. Live a good example. Don't try to live vicariously through our kids (moms at peewee baseball or dad's at youth hockey = ugh!). They will rebel against that sooner or later and often with permanent effect. If you're enjoying life, your kids will want to be a part of it. Parents who are miserable when they come home from work create an environment that kids want to escape from. Parents who build their life around careers can easily lose touch with their kids. Similarly, parents who build their life around THEIR social life can send their kids looking for something to fill the void. We need to let go ... but gradually ... and gently ... and not entirely. What a balancing act! Parenting seems like mission impossible some days.
Oh dude, for sure- so did mine and damn glad he did.
Maybe it’s just me being soft, but with girls it is just so different. The father-daughter relationship is critical, and we have all heard of or seen examples where that goes awry.
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