kids sneaking out

[4ohSick]

I was a pretty big dumbass as a kid.
unfortunately, I think you just have to let it burn itself out.
maybe give her more attention and show her some of Cameron Hanes videos for motivation.
or try to get her involved in something that she's good at and receives attention for that will lead her away from this general thotish behavior.
maybe some type of action sport that gives her the adrenaline rush of doing something bad and feeling like an adult, but without the negative consequences.
climbing, mtb, shooting, skiing BASE jumping, dirt bikes, snowmobiles.

"thotish" seals it for me - DouglasR just couldn't stay away from ht.

 

[WildWill]

My truck was once peppered by a angry poppa one night as I picked his daughter up. It was only birdshot but I got the message and never did that again.

 

[SAJ-99]

I wish I had answers for you. One idea that I would try is to find something that she has shown and interest in and focus on exposing her to that. If my kid wanted to see Europe, it would be scheduled and we would be on a plane. Some kids do stupid stuff because they are bored. Advice probably fits the saying of idle hands being the problem, and that isn’t always the case. Just something to consider.

 

[Treeshark]

@PRO MO, I appreciate your honesty in posting this.

Is there anything that she enjoys doing with you? Fishing, hiking, shopping, movies, go to the beach, movies, go out to eat, whatever?

If so, do more of that- just you and her- a lot more.

 

[Dubz337]

"thotish" seals it for me - DouglasR just couldn't stay away from ht.

Are we just gonna ignore that his first suggestion was to show her Cam Hanes videos?

 

[Treeshark]

One idea that I would try is to find something that she has shown and interest in and focus on exposing her to that.

We posted at the same time. I agree.

I have one too… sure ain’t easy raising teenage girls this day and age.

 

[shelbycoltd]

Are we just gonna ignore that his first suggestion was to show her Cam Hanes videos?

his kids are officers in the military and hold pull up records.
I'd say he knows what he's doing.
lets keep this on topic.
carry on.

 

[shelbycoltd]

"thotish" seals it for me - DouglasR just couldn't stay away from ht.

I seriously think @Dubz337 might be Douglasr.
he uses pretty similar lingo.

 

[Dubz337]

his kids are officers in the military and hold pull up records.
I'd say he knows what he's doing.
lets keep this on topic.
carry on.

He knows how to take a shitty bow shot on a bear from 20 yards, chase it into the alders and have the guide finish it off with a rifle to save his dwarven life, I’ll give him that. The #KeepHammering way.

 

[Dubz337]

I seriously think @Dubz337 might be Douglasr.
he uses pretty similar lingo.

Bud you’ve been here a grand total of two days, we’re not at that point of the relationship yet.

 

[shelbycoltd]

He knows how to take a shitty bow shot on a bear from 20 yards, chase it into the alders and have the guide finish it off with a rifle to save his dwarven life, I’ll give him that. The #KeepHammering way.

pitter patter.

 

[PRO MO]

@PRO MO, I appreciate your honesty in posting this.

Is there anything that she enjoys doing with you? Fishing, hiking, shopping, movies, go to the beach, movies, go out to eat, whatever?

If so, do more of that- just you and her- a lot more.

thanks guys. we'll try to do better with finding common interests, there's definitely a huge gap there. maybe i'll take up smoking weed and watching tiktok (that's a joke).

 

[elkantlers]

we're trying to figure that out, all options are on the table at this point, even in-patient therapy, but hoping her counselor can make headway before having to go to the next steps. Her grandpa offered to pay for boarding school so that's on the table.

Sorry you are going through this.
This group is in my area of Utah. I hear they do good things but really don't know personally. I know a couple people that are retired that drive for them. They are good people.

Elements Programs - In Your Element

Elements provides specialized therapeutic intervention for adolescent boys, young adults, and neurodivergent individuals. Call (866) 542-2252.

elementsprograms.com

 

[Flatbrimmer]

My truck was once peppered by an angry poppa one night as I picked his daughter up. It was only birdshot but I got the message and never did that again.

That’s attempted murder or at least aggravated assault with a deadly weapon… shoulda shot back…

 

[elkduds]

thanks guys. we'll try to do better with finding common interests, there's definitely a huge gap there. maybe i'll take up smoking weed and watching tiktok (that's a joke).

You are right to intervene, she is clearly at risk. Think about her riding in a car going that fast, disaster could be instant. She is not protecting herself with judgment, so it falls to you.

Here's how therapists think about these scenarios:

1st consideration: Every behavior has a purpose or reason. Nothing is random.

What's the worst thing that ever happened to her (trauma, losses, relocation)?

Is she in a world war level power struggle w either or both parents? Some level of power struggle is coin of the realm for teens.

Any siblings, what are their influence on the situation?

How are things between mom and dad? Some kids act out to distract the family from other family trouble like addiction, illness/disability, parental conflict, $ stressors, etc.

Are divorce/step parents in the equation? See losses above.

What does she value enough to give up bad habits in order to keep having or doing? Example: some kids will moderate behavior to keep attending public school w friends as opposed to home school or boarding school if they won't control their own behavior.

This process reminds me of fly fishing. You don't know what's under the surface, but you use what's visible to guide you. Think like the fish/child. Try a variety of attractants, see what she hits on. If you get the fish on, you guide it more than fight it, sometimes you let it run just to keep it hooked. And when you get it in hand be gentle, this is one fish you certainly will be releasing. You don't want to injure it.

Therapywise, meet and communicate with her counselor. Ask for recommendations about parenting strategies, day treatment or residential treatment if necessary, and if family therapy will be helpful, it almost certainly will. Meds can be helpful for teens with some diagnoses, counselor can discuss that with you. The most important qualification for the counselor is, does daughter connect w them, is she willing to keep seeing them?

Your daughter is lucky to have parents willing to go to these lengths to help her. It is as difficult as it seems, and you as parents will need support going through this.

Of course, this is not clinical advice. More like another lens to view the situation through.

 

[Dubz337]

My truck was once peppered by a angry poppa one night as I picked his daughter up. It was only birdshot but I got the message and never did that again.

Was her name Becky, and was she a beauty from south Alabama? Did her daddy have a heart like a nine pound hammer?

 

[buckbull]

I raised 2 boys and a girl. When the youngest 2 got their cell phones a requirement was to install the Life360 app on their phone and to leave it on. It allows the parent to see where they are/were, speed of travel, etc. We didn't have an issue with them sneaking out but we wanted to know where they were. My daughter did some partying her junior and senior years of high school. We knew what she was up too and just drove home the point that she never drive after drinking and not to ride with someone that had been. My daughters endocrinologist wanted her on birth control for a condition so she's been on that since 13.

Tough spot. I have good friends whose daughter was doing similar things. Things turned out well for her. Now in her twenties, married and expecting their first child.

 

[WildWill]

Was her name Becky, and was she a beauty from south Alabama? Did her daddy have a heart like a nine pound hammer?

Her name was Angela from SE Oklahoma and I'm pretty sure her daddy's heart was a meth powered jackhammer.

That’s attempted murder or at least aggravated assault with a deadly weapon… shoulda shot back…

Birdshot at 60-70 yards ain't gonna kill nobody ( sure wasn't good on the paint). At the time I felt it was a bit of a over reaction now as a father of a girl I call it solid parenting.

 

[shelbycoltd]

Was her name Becky, and was she a beauty from south Alabama? Did her daddy have a heart like a nine pound hammer?

no, but he did empty out the shells and fill them full of black eyed peas
he'd aim real low and he'd tear out your ankles and rip right through your knees.

 

[Clarq]

I wish I had some wisdom to have, but I have no experience in that realm. I just wanted to chime in and wish you the best.

I grew up in an "interesting" neighborhood and knew quite a few people during my teen years who were up to stuff like that. 10-15 years later, they're doing fine.

Maintain hope. And get all the help you can possibly get.