I’ve found several great uses for toilet paper

What brand of TP does Liver King suggest?

Hushin?
Cam Hanes?

The endorsement of influencers like those is huge in determining a quality TP.
 
IT AINT PRIMAL IF IT AINT A PELT, BROTHER!
After the go, Liver King rides commando astride a bristle back saber tooth tiger. How’s that for primal?

Gonna need some Gold Bond Medicated ointment for that chafing.
 
Another Million dollar idea. You're giving these away buddy.

I was going to go with Brown Town.
Any true bourgeois would have instantly dubbed this bespoke offering Grey Poop-on, due to its parallels with the most preferred upper class pucky. I can't believe you unwashed pagans haven't even discussed the relative flammability of various TP on the market and the effect of clean versus millennial style embossing on flame propagation.
 
I can't believe you unwashed pagans haven't even discussed the relative flammability of various TP on the market and the effect of clean versus millennial style embossing on flame propagation.
Please elaborate. I can’t bring myself to use TP with poor embossing, so I have no context for flammability.
 
Do they spell out Fish, Wildlife and Parks, or is it the euro-socialist FWP symbol on the front? How neat are the staples?
Gawd... I was following the newspaper material as a contender to TP, pinko commie symbol or Ayn Rand, UPOM domination symbol all the way until you mentioned staples then all life puckered and... reverting back to emergency skivvy wipe.
 
Please elaborate. I can’t bring myself to use TP with poor embossing, so I have no context for flammability.
Well, I assume poor embossing burns like the 20s for starting a fire in the hearth of my 2nd favorite cabin, rather than the fine glow a Benjamin provides when the butler lights a Cuban for me.
 
Gawd... I was following the newspaper material as a contender to TP, pinko commie symbol or Ayn Rand, UPOM domination symbol all the way until you mentioned staples then all life puckered and... reverting back to emergency skivvy wipe.
It’s these lazy kids.
 
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