How to Poop In The Woods

[JDH]

My buddy took a metal folding chair and cut a hole. Then took short screws and ran them through the metal into a toilet seat. Used to take it everywhere. He'd even hang it on the back of the seed drill when planting wheat. It was a hit with the girlfriends and wives at deer camp too.

That's what I do for my trips out west.

 

[Stocker]

Chinette paper plates and into the fire afterwards. Almost nothing for weight or bulk to carry along and animals won't dig it up later (and yes, they WILL dig it up and eat it!). Just make sure you're in shape for a sustained squat and have practiced your aim. Helps to have a skinny tree or bush nearby to hang onto - a shooting stick of sorts to steady your aim. Also, a firm grip on something helps ensure unexpected recoil doesn't cause you to lose balance and become collateral damage. Been there.

 

[noharleyyet]

Chinette paper plates and into the fire afterwards. Almost nothing for weight or bulk to carry along and animals won't dig it up later (and yes, they WILL dig it up and eat it!). Just make sure you're in shape for a sustained squat and have practiced your aim. Helps to have a skinny tree or bush nearby to hang onto - a shooting stick of sorts to steady your aim. Also, a firm grip on something helps ensure unexpected recoil doesn't cause you to lose balance and become collateral damage. Been there.

 

[Nick87]

Is that @WildWill ?!

 

[dirtclod Az.]

Practice your aim? Do you practice shitting on paper plates in your garage in the off season?

Do you eat Mountain House also in the off season,
just for practice purposes of course?

 

[dirtclod Az.]

4 pages of this and my only thought is I need new friends

You have no friends, only shitty people...lol!

 

[elkduds]

View attachment 214652

Famous last words. The bushy tail makes a convenient handle.

 

[WildWill]

Is that @WildWill ?!

No way! I'll leave that safety equipment stuff for the sissies. I'm usually wearing my crocs while lighting of a brush pile.

 

[OntarioHunter]

Practice your aim? Do you practice shitting on paper plates in your garage in the off season?

No. Too cold out there during winter months. Practice in the bathroom ... when kids are at school and wife's at work. Missed shots are easier to clean up there. Dump practice rounds in nearby toilet. Don't try flushing the plate. Best to hide the empty casing in outside garbage can. Don't leave any forensic evidence behind.

 

[Nick87]

No. Too cold out there during winter months. Practice in the bathroom ... when kids are at school and wife's at work. Missed shots are easier to clean up there. Dump practice rounds in nearby toilet. Don't try flushing the plate. Best to hide the empty casing in outside garbage can. Don't leave any forensic evidence behind.

You practice the burning in your microwave when it's cold then.....

 

[OntarioHunter]

You practice the burning in your microwave when it's cold then.....

Backyard burn pit is under 3' of snow so that option is out. Anyway, it doesn't take any practice to drop a plate into a campfire. Pretty big target.

 

[Nick87]

Backyard burn pit is under 3' of snow so that option is out. Anyway, it doesn't take any practice to drop a plate into a campfire. Pretty big target.

You mean you just waste that plate full of campfire fuel?

 

[OntarioHunter]

Just makes sure you have the ONLY set of keys in your pocket!

View attachment 214784

Well, that contraption explains the dung piles in the pullouts at the bird refuge! Those things should be banned.

 

[RIHunter]

Reminds me of

 

[Stocker]

Backyard burn pit is under 3' of snow so that option is out. Anyway, it doesn't take any practice to drop a plate into a campfire. Pretty big target.

I make fire with little more than twigs and buffalo chips. Very imprudent to make your presence known in unsettled territory.

 

[Nick87]

Next time I'm sitting with the inlaws thinking wtf. I. Going to remember there is a guy who shits on a dinner plate then carries it to his campfire and burns it. So to you @OntarioHunter I say thank you there's quite silver lining in everything.

 

[mxracer317]

Biodegradable bags are expensive, it takes away from
the camp beer fund!

Better than cleaning out a bucket of s$&t.

 

[OntarioHunter]

Next time I'm sitting with the inlaws thinking wtf. I. Going to remember there is a guy who shits on a dinner plate then carries it to his campfire and burns it. So to you @OntarioHunter I say thank you there's quite silver lining in everything.

Actually, I never walked a plate-o-poo to a campfire. When camping in my wall tent I pinch a loaf next to the wood stove. Just reach over, open the top, and drop it in. A helluva lot nicer than baring my cheeks to the elements when it's -20* outside.

Nowadays, since giving up moose hunting, I camp in my 19' camper trailer. The last two years I've been without water at the campground in Montana. First year it got so cold so early the owner shut down and blew out the water lines before I arrived (when constructed the water lines were not deep enough for year round use). He let me stay for half price. Last fall there was a problem with broken hot water tank when I picked up the trailer so no water hooked up. Also, no washroom/shower (owner was unable to meet COVID requirements). The truck stop wasn't far ... but sometimes still too far. So I had to improvise. Lined the toilet with a wastebasket liner bag and dropped it in the dumpster in the alley after I finished my business (grocery bags are the right size but quality is risky). No worries about sanitation as it was so cold outside the stuff was probably almost frozen before I got to the dumpster. The lids on that old timer were metal and so heavy I could hardly lift them. No worries about coons sneaking in for a snack. I would burn the stuff but camped inside the city limits fires aren't allowed. If you've ever been to eastern Montana you'd know why. Too dry and windy. Peed in a juice jug which was dumped down the RV sewer drain outside. Same with washbasin water after cleaning dishes. And the water in the galvanized bucket I used for spongebath and shampoo. Most guys probably would throw in the towel and go home or stay in a COVID infected motel. I go to Montana to hunt with my dogs not live in the lap of luxury or spend weeks sucking on a respirator. Necessity is the mother of invention.

 

[Nick87]

Actually, I never walked a plate-o-poo to a campfire. When camping in my wall tent I pinch a loaf next to the wood stove. Just reach over, open the top, and drop it in. A helluva lot nicer than baring my cheeks to the elements when it's -20* outside.

Nowadays, since giving up moose hunting, I camp in my 19' camper trailer. The last two years I've been without water at the campground in Montana. First year it got so cold so early the owner shut down and blew out the water lines before I arrived (when constructed the water lines were not deep enough for year round use). He let me stay for half price. Last fall there was a problem with broken hot water tank when I picked up the trailer so no water hooked up. Also, no washroom/shower (owner was unable to meet COVID requirements). The truck stop wasn't far ... but sometimes still too far. So I had to improvise. Lined the toilet with a wastebasket liner bag and dropped it in the dumpster in the alley after I finished my business (grocery bags are the right size but quality is risky). No worries about sanitation as it was so cold outside the stuff was probably almost frozen before I got to the dumpster. The lids on that old timer were metal and so heavy I could hardly lift them. No worries about coons sneaking in for a snack. I would burn the stuff but camped inside the city limits fires aren't allowed. If you've ever been to eastern Montana you'd know why. Too dry. Peed in a juice jug which was dumped down the RV sewer drain outside. Same with washbasin water after cleaning dishes. And the water in the galvanized bucket I used for spongebath and shampoo. Most guys probably would throw in the towel and go home or stay in a COVID infected motel. I go to Montana to hunt with my dogs not live in the lap of luxury or spend weeks sucking on a respirator. Necessity is the mother of invention.

I can't get my phone to post a gif, @noharleyyet how bout the "kramer I'm out"!!

 

[LousyResident]

I can't get my phone to post a gif, @noharleyyet how bout the "kramer I'm out"!!

Here you go.

But, uh, in context of the episode, you needing this GIF right now is incredibly disturbing. . .