How to Poop In The Woods

[ignorethefringes]

You haven't $hit in the wild until you've been on patrol for 8 days and kicked in the end of a wooden ammo crate and lined it with a trash bag and did your business in front of whoever else in the platoon had to go next.

I think you told that story in a little more detail elsewhere on this forum. It makes my LOL big time

 

[noharleyyet]

If yer wearin' coveralls make sure your hood is pulled well between yer feet. Nuff said

Bud of mine loose country sprayed a barbed wire fence he had backed up to. When he rose the bib suspender he had inadvertently flung cross the coated strand caught on a barb slingshotting the foul effluence all over himself. Hollywood could not have staged a better or funnier scene.

 

[David658]

As to whether to wait or go now, I go now. Before going NOW becomes went.

For some reason, when I get out of my sleeping bag my intestines wake with a start. First thing I do is put my shoes on, second grab the headlamp and paper, and third out the tent. I usually don't spend any time zipping the door closed on my way out. Urgent AND Important.

 

[Pucky Freak]

Check for yellow jackets too. Those little buggers seem to take offence to people pooping on or near their nest. And it's hard to run with your pants down around your ankles.

I once kicked in their nest and got stung 4 times in the ass

Another time my female friend says I’m going to pee off the trail, just don’t look. Not 10 seconds later I hear this blood-curdling scream, so of course I spin around She’s tripping over her shorts trying to escape the stings. Oops

 

[Nick87]

Try shitting all over your wader chest straps then try to rinse it off and sit in a blind with two other guys you just met.

#Nicetomeetyouthatsmyshit

 

[Elkdog]

Oh my….you can tell “it’s not hunting season” has really set in…

 

[VAspeedgoat]

I'm still looking for the adult version
View attachment 214684

My buddy took a metal folding chair and cut a hole. Then took short screws and ran them through the metal into a toilet seat. Used to take it everywhere. He'd even hang it on the back of the seed drill when planting wheat. It was a hit with the girlfriends and wives at deer camp too.

 

[grizzly_]

A friend's bird dog rolled in someone's woodland present moments after he was let out of the box. TP stuck to collar and smeared from ears to tail
Now that's gross!

A guy I was hunting with, Pablo, had to step into the woods to partake in his Morning Constitutional. When he got back to the truck, my buddy let his dog, Chance, out to run.

A few minutes later I hear a bloodcurdling scream, "CHANCE, NOOOOO!!!"

Chance had come running back with Pablo's toilet paper and last night's dinner spread all over him and jumped in the truck.

I've never laughed so hard in my life

 

[recon6036]

We’ve made toilets for our basecamps. Just a simple box with a hole. Cut foam board for a seat because it doesn’t get cold. Dig a hole, put a pop-up blind over the toilet and your all set. Have brought lime also to cut down on the smell.
Looks kinda funny transporting a homemade toilet on a trailer from Michigan to whereever we’re going but it works well.
When there’s no basecamp I’ll search for miles for the perfect fallen tree.

 

[mxracer317]

My buddy has a 5gal. bucket with a toilet
lid attached to it, "Luggable Loo". You rinse it out
with water and dump it in a hole.
If you don't he get's mighty testy!

You’re supposed to use biodegradable bags with it

 

[ignorethefringes]

My buddy has a 5gal. bucket with a toilet
lid attached to it, "Luggable Loo". You rinse it out
with water and dump it in a hole.
If you don't he get's mighty testy!

We have one of those too. Use a contractor bag, some kitty litter, and make sure you only use it for solids and you can make work for a while between 2 guys lol. If it freezes overnight all the better. Then just tie the bag and toss it out with the trash when we get home.

My young daughters also really appreciate it for camping.

 

[dirtclod Az.]

You’re supposed to use biodegradable bags with it

Biodegradable bags are expensive, it takes away from
the camp beer fund!

 

[OntarioHunter]

Chinette paper plates and into the fire afterwards. Almost nothing for weight or bulk to carry along and animals won't dig it up later (and yes, they WILL dig it up and eat it!). Just make sure you're in shape for a sustained squat and have practiced your aim. Helps to have a skinny tree or bush nearby to hang onto - a shooting stick of sorts to steady your aim. Also, a firm grip on something helps ensure unexpected recoil doesn't cause you to lose balance and become collateral damage. Been there.

 

[RealMuddyboots]

Just makes sure you have the ONLY set of keys in your pocket!

 

[Nick87]

Just makes sure you have the ONLY set of keys in your pocket!

View attachment 214784

I've got one of them. Mine has no bucket though. Always picturing the seat breaking slicing my back on the way down on the broken seat and landing balls first into the pile

 

[Nick87]

Chinette paper plates and into the fire afterwards. Almost nothing for weight or bulk to carry along and animals won't dig it up later (and yes, they WILL dig it up and eat it!). Just make sure you're in shape for a sustained squat and have practiced your aim. Helps to have a skinny tree or bush nearby to hang onto - a shooting stick of sorts to steady your aim. Also, a firm grip on something helps ensure unexpected recoil doesn't cause you to lose balance and become collateral damage. Been there.

Practice your aim? Do you practice shitting on paper plates in your garage in the off season?

 

[WildWill]

Chinette paper plates and into the fire afterwards. Almost nothing for weight or bulk to carry along and animals won't dig it up later (and yes, they WILL dig it up and eat it!). Just make sure you're in shape for a sustained squat and have practiced your aim. Helps to have a skinny tree or bush nearby to hang onto - a shooting stick of sorts to steady your aim. Also, a firm grip on something helps ensure unexpected recoil doesn't cause you to lose balance and become collateral damage. Been there.

On days where things aren't so solid do you switch to bowls?

 

[SwaggyD]

I've got one of them. Mine has no bucket though. Always picturing the seat breaking slicing my back on the way down on the broken seat and landing balls first into the pile

Almost spit out my coffee.

 

[fleabagmatt]

Practice your aim? Do you practice shitting on paper plates in your garage in the off season?

You gotta pattern that shit before the season starts, man! It's important to know your range and spread.

 

[dgc1963]

4 pages of this and my only thought is I need new friends