Quick Draw
New member
Ok everyone this will be broke up into two different post. Here's the first one.
This is the time of year when we think back to the very first
Christmas, when the Three Wise Men; Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb, went
to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew,
"presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."
These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we
discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: There
is no mention of wrapping paper.
If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so: "And
lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper
was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was
going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth,
'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And
Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more
interested in the paper than the frankincense."
But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the
very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the
people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:
1. They were wise. 2. They were men.
Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of
putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This
is not just my opinion: This is a scientific fact based on a
statistical survey of two guys I know.
One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "if it's
such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens
it."
The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter
of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever
had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Gene said.
"They were the ones that l ooked like enormous spitballs."
I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I
can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck
of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper
the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done
folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking
out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I
had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half
of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.
On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping
paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women,
actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that
requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me
is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were
possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt.
My point is tha t gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having
babies that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why
today I am presenting:
Quick Draw
This is the time of year when we think back to the very first
Christmas, when the Three Wise Men; Gaspar, Balthazar and Herb, went
to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew,
"presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."
These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we
discover an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: There
is no mention of wrapping paper.
If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so: "And
lo, the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper
was festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was
going to throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth,
'Holdeth it! That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And
Joseph did rolleth his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more
interested in the paper than the frankincense."
But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the
very first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the
people giving those gifts had two important characteristics:
1. They were wise. 2. They were men.
Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of
putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This
is not just my opinion: This is a scientific fact based on a
statistical survey of two guys I know.
One is Rob, who said the only time he ever wraps a gift is "if it's
such a poor gift that I don't want to be there when the person opens
it."
The other is Gene, who told me he does wrap gifts, but as a matter
of principle never takes more than 15 seconds per gift. "No one ever
had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at Christmas," Gene said.
"They were the ones that l ooked like enormous spitballs."
I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I
can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck
of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper
the size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done
folding and taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking
out. (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I
had been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half
of the Pharaoh's body would be covered only by Scotch tape.
On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping
paper, she can wrap a C-130 cargo plane. My wife, like many women,
actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that
requires batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me
is very close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were
possible, my wife would wrap each individual volt.
My point is tha t gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having
babies that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why
today I am presenting:
Quick Draw
