Divorce, do you ever see it coming...
- Thread starter 300stw
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Panda Bear
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I am always sorry to hear of any marriage coming to an end. And my symphany and prayers go out to each of you currently struggling with a divorce.
I hate it when divorced or divorcing parents try to turn their children against one parent or the other.
And I might add that I have seen women abused, physically and mentally, that were too afraid to get out of the marriage, but should. It is not always the woman's "fault" that a marriage falls apart, as men also have affairs, work to much, drink to much, physically abusive, etc.
However, having said that, women can also be just as bad!
I married a man who enjoys doing the same things I do. We also got married after college and we were both working. So far, so good.
Financial, is, in my opinion, the one area of most divorce's where the man gets shafted.
I hate it when divorced or divorcing parents try to turn their children against one parent or the other.
And I might add that I have seen women abused, physically and mentally, that were too afraid to get out of the marriage, but should. It is not always the woman's "fault" that a marriage falls apart, as men also have affairs, work to much, drink to much, physically abusive, etc.
However, having said that, women can also be just as bad!
I married a man who enjoys doing the same things I do. We also got married after college and we were both working. So far, so good.
Financial, is, in my opinion, the one area of most divorce's where the man gets shafted.
tzone
Well-known member
Been there. Yep, saw it coming. Worked out way for the better. Lotsa women out there. Be picky
dcopas78
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My wife and I have been married for 12 years, dated for 4 before that. I've been incredibly blessed and we have a great relationship and two great boys. I was engaged to a girl, before I started dating my wife,for about 2.5 years. Man, am I glad I didn't marry her. She was running around on me for the last few months we dated before I found out. She didn't see a problem with it but I sure did. She turned out to be a real nut job. I have no idea about how to handle a divorce, so I can't really help other than to offer that you should go about getting yourself through it as best you can and come out of it doing what makes you happy. I'll be praying for you both.
I got the big D back in 2015 after 15 years of marriage. We both saw it coming, it was just a matter of who was going to blink first.
House went to her: $480,000.00
Monthly support: $3000.00
Her share of my 401k: $240,000.00
I see on forums "I don't understand guys that just buy preference points." I'm the reason guys just buy points. Had a bunch prior to divorce but can't afford to go now.
My advice is to see if your wife will go to a mediator. You can get a divorce fairly reasonably if you guys can come to an agreement. The only folks that "win" a divorce proceeding with a judge are the lawyers. With 21 years of marriage, expect to lose half of your assets.
House went to her: $480,000.00
Monthly support: $3000.00
Her share of my 401k: $240,000.00
I see on forums "I don't understand guys that just buy preference points." I'm the reason guys just buy points. Had a bunch prior to divorce but can't afford to go now.
My advice is to see if your wife will go to a mediator. You can get a divorce fairly reasonably if you guys can come to an agreement. The only folks that "win" a divorce proceeding with a judge are the lawyers. With 21 years of marriage, expect to lose half of your assets.
FishN4Eyes
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Feel for all you guys out there going through it.
I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy and certainly not like you good folks.
Hang in there with the belief that better days are ahead and they are! Just have to get through the difficult ones first.
I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy and certainly not like you good folks.
Hang in there with the belief that better days are ahead and they are! Just have to get through the difficult ones first.
glass eye
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I've never been through a divorce but whenever I hear this song I imagine it's what the writer was going through.
While I can not personally relate as neither of my grandparents or my mother and father divorced and I have not taken the plunge, but I have witnessed some pretty confused kids because of divorce .
The Movie War of the Roses is probably closer to the truth than those who have never divorced realize
The Movie War of the Roses is probably closer to the truth than those who have never divorced realize
rtraverdavis
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Lotta guts being exposed in this thread. I’m impressed by the level of honesty and courage many of you have shared with. 300stw, Dave N, and all the other guys going through the rough stuff, my heart goes out to you.
Going to therapy, learning how to really communicate, and me getting sober saved my marriage about eight years ago. I was so stuck in my own way of seeing things and my own make-believe reality that I couldn’t see that what really need to change, and that the only thing I actually could change, was me. Change sucks, but it’s the wheel of life we all must cling to, and as stated by a number of guys already, often brings surprising and wonderful new opportunities.
Going to therapy, learning how to really communicate, and me getting sober saved my marriage about eight years ago. I was so stuck in my own way of seeing things and my own make-believe reality that I couldn’t see that what really need to change, and that the only thing I actually could change, was me. Change sucks, but it’s the wheel of life we all must cling to, and as stated by a number of guys already, often brings surprising and wonderful new opportunities.
Panda Bear
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very well stated and congratulations to you. From your post it sounds like your wife worked through it with you so congratulations to you both
rtraverdavis
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She did. I’m a lucky guy. Thank you.
Irrelevant
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The only other thing I'll throw out there is something I've thought about when things get really shitty, something a friend of mine who's gone through two divorces and subsequently a bankruptcy, "it takes two people to end a marriage, and only one to save it"
I don't know how absolute that is, but I have to think there's some truth in it.
Anyway, I always root for marriage, but sometimes it just isn't meant to be, and if that's honestly the case, you'll probably be happier in the long run getting out.
I don't know how absolute that is, but I have to think there's some truth in it.
Anyway, I always root for marriage, but sometimes it just isn't meant to be, and if that's honestly the case, you'll probably be happier in the long run getting out.
KB_
Well-known member
Been through this before but a different scenario, I almost left my family behind due to some personal issues with PTSD. My wife stuck by me through some really rough times. I quit drinking and have been getting treatment for PTSD for awhile now and my wife has been the rock for me. Celebrated 10 years this last august. From my perspective sometimes feel like there all alone and they don't realize the person they see at home every day is there to talk and have a relationship with, its so easy to forget that when life is chaotic. If you feel its worth it, keep fighting for your family. My wife did, and i'm thankful she never stops fighting for me.
Bigjay73
Well-known member
What the shit? Nobody, died, life isn't over, what's with all the "sorrys", and "that's horribles"? I'm 4 month out of divorce after 24 years of marriage. It's a new , fresh start. New possibilities, new beginnings, new freedoms and experiences. If divorce wasnt right, you'd still be married, so go out and live your life to the fullest, have fun, amd do things you've never done before. You should celebrate this, not mourn for something that's water under the bridge. Good luck my man, have a blast being you're own determining factor in your hopefully long and happy future
Addicting
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Anyone else thinking the HT divorce rate is really high? Randy stops giving marriage advice on the podcasts and this whole place falls apart.
WyoDoug
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I saw my divorce coming. Problem is I should of let her go long before I did. She had mental issues that landed her in a hospital plus she had no sense of loyalty or fidelity you should have in a marriage.
I stayed single for 21 years then married a raging redhead who is my current wife. We have been married 16 years and looks like it's going to be a long lived one.
I stayed single for 21 years then married a raging redhead who is my current wife. We have been married 16 years and looks like it's going to be a long lived one.
Mallardsx2
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I have been married for three years to my wife. I introduce her as my first wife to people all the time. She thinks it funny. lol Hopefully we still can chuckle about my bad jokes in 50 years.
IdahoPotato
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Well, shit guys. Is divorce season right in the middle of hunting season or what?
Mine ended three days ago. The beginning of the end anyway. We agreed it's over. I had to convince her we were both miserable (we are/were). No big fight, just a lot of sadness. No kids. Seven years. She's going to put me in a mortgage and take the rest and the two dogs. No Lawyers (thank baby jesus). I have a good job that she followed me to, so it's fair she gets most of the assets. A big chunk of it was her father's inheritance. Losing my two retrievers hurts a lot. It all feels like a wet blanket that I can't get off. I'm 32. It's all still raw, but one day I hope I can find someone that wants to go hunting with me and maybe start a family.
Mine ended three days ago. The beginning of the end anyway. We agreed it's over. I had to convince her we were both miserable (we are/were). No big fight, just a lot of sadness. No kids. Seven years. She's going to put me in a mortgage and take the rest and the two dogs. No Lawyers (thank baby jesus). I have a good job that she followed me to, so it's fair she gets most of the assets. A big chunk of it was her father's inheritance. Losing my two retrievers hurts a lot. It all feels like a wet blanket that I can't get off. I'm 32. It's all still raw, but one day I hope I can find someone that wants to go hunting with me and maybe start a family.
