Divorce, do you ever see it coming...

[88man]

I got the big D back in 2015 after 15 years of marriage. We both saw it coming, it was just a matter of who was going to blink first.

House went to her: $480,000.00
Monthly support: $3000.00
Her share of my 401k: $240,000.00

I see on forums "I don't understand guys that just buy preference points." I'm the reason guys just buy points. Had a bunch prior to divorce but can't afford to go now.

My advice is to see if your wife will go to a mediator. You can get a divorce fairly reasonably if you guys can come to an agreement. The only folks that "win" a divorce proceeding with a judge are the lawyers. With 21 years of marriage, expect to lose half of your assets.

Quit talking about all the points you have soon the ex wives will want half our points!!!! LOl, sorry about the divorce been there done that buddy.

 

[88man]

I got divorced about 6 years ago and did not see it coming. I had a good life then and I have a good life now. I have a 14 year old daughter who I really believe my relationship is closer with now than if I hadn't got divorced. I still hunt with my ex fatherinlaw and heck last year my girlfriend and I helped him kill his Wyoming Bull 6by6 bull. Life is to short so make the best of the current situation and move on.

 

[Mallardsx2]

I sure hope some of your guys wives dont read what your writing. I would be very cautious on what I posted oin the internet or it might end sooner than you think. Just saying...lol

 

[buckbull]

I got divorced about 6 years ago and did not see it coming. I had a good life then and I have a good life now. I have a 14 year old daughter who I really believe my relationship is closer with now than if I hadn't got divorced. I still hunt with my ex fatherinlaw and heck last year my girlfriend and I helped him kill his Wyoming Bull 6by6 bull. Life is to short so make the best of the current situation and move on.

LOL. I still help my ex father in law all the time. My dad died when he was 53 (I was 23 at the time) so things I would have normally did with my father I did with my father in law. He doesn't hunt or fish but we were always working on something it seams.

 

[tzone]

Well, shit guys. Is divorce season right in the middle of hunting season or what?

Mine ended three days ago. The beginning of the end anyway. We agreed it's over. I had to convince her we were both miserable (we are/were). No big fight, just a lot of sadness. No kids. Seven years. She's going to put me in a mortgage and take the rest and the two dogs. No Lawyers (thank baby jesus). I have a good job that she followed me to, so it's fair she gets most of the assets. A big chunk of it was her father's inheritance. Losing my two retrievers hurts a lot. It all feels like a wet blanket that I can't get off. I'm 32. It's all still raw, but one day I hope I can find someone that wants to go hunting with me and maybe start a family.

Jesus!! Sounds like you should have had a lawyer.

 

[VikingsGuy]

I was in a seminar that had an attorney present statistics on divorce. At the time, 76% of divorces were started by women.

My guess (and that’s all it is) is that at a human level it’s a 50-50 deal as to who says “enough” first. But given historical income differences between husbands and wives, wives often need to secure some basic fiscal ground rules early in the process - where in contrast the primary bread winner could let things drift easier. Throw in a portion that are also seeking protective orders and the above statistic doesn’t surprise me.

As for OP and others in a similar predicament - I too went through divorce and after the pain I ended up with my perfect partner (18 years and counting). This time round is a full upgrade, and I don’t just mean a better wife, I too learned a lot and my current wife got a better partner in me than the first did. One key from my experience is to learn to take half the blame. At first all the friends and family “were on my side” and it was easy to act like all I had to do was find a better partner, that I was just fine - but after spend some time with a counselor I began to see the patterns in my own behavior that helped get me in that situation. Learnings that gave me the hope and confidence in myself necessary to give another marriage a chance - and thank god I did!

 

[noharleyyet]

This last Monday was my and my meant to be's 37th. She walked into the study and said "I just now realized today is our anniversary"....to which I replied "I was wondering if you were going to remember." She said, "Nice try"....and we both laughed.

 

[idnative1948]

Knocking on wood after 41 years... I have done some stupid stuff during this time and she has had her issues brought on by her first marriage, but it took counseling on both our parts to keep this boat in the water.

 

[JMG]

I was in a seminar that had an attorney present statistics on divorce. At the time, 76% of divorces were started by women.

I now ask my wife where she is on the divorce scale. Statistically, she’ll be the one to file.

Statistic: Marriage is the number one reason for divorce.

 

[lifesupport4u]

Sorry to hear it. Maybe you didn’t miss anything... Not that any one is perfect but sometimes it really is just one persons fault.

 

[devon deer]

I really felt for my friend today, he drives to my house on a Saturday morning, and I drive us down to the coast for a Park Run.
Today was different, we had only driven for a minute and he said, 'I'm a getting a divorce', 67 years old, married for over 40 years and 3 kids.
He did see it coming, but in truth now they have made the decision he said a weight has been lifted off his shoulders.
No blame on either side, they just 'grew apart'.
It's very sad but he said it's just a new chapter starting in his life.

 

[Muskeez]

That sucks Devon, even if they've "grown apart"- I always wish for people to grow back together with some help. Very sad. Be there for him as much as you can, he will still need it more than he thinks.

 

[Contra]

Ever hear the song by Vern Gosdin, This ain't my first rodeo. Well this is almost exactly what happened to my friend except she also posted pics of her sitting on a guys lap with his tongue in her mouth when she was sitting on my friends recliner in their home. He actually told me after I told him for the 9th or tenth time she was cheating, MY friend actually told me "I wont believe it 'till she tells me herself".
even when HE found the pic posted on FB while on visiting his parents out of state.
So sometimes people only see what they want to see.

 

[Maytheforce]

In general, from my own experience, I can say that a relationship is as pleasant as it is complicated because you always have to reach compromises, discuss, and try to get over the harder stages.

 

[choc dogs]

I don’t have any idea why this thread was resurrected, but personally I always figure at the end of hunting season, with the weekends spent hunting, schedule shuffling, work projects, weekends spent packing and unpacking, mornings with early wake up calls (this may eventually be the last straw) etc, the odds are somewhere around 60/40. Either that or I wake up dead.

 

[88man]

Do you know why divorce costs so much?? : " Because its worth it"

 

[noharleyyet]

I don’t have any idea why this thread was resurrected, but personally I always figure at the end of hunting season, with the weekends spent hunting, schedule shuffling, work projects, weekends spent packing and unpacking, mornings with early wake up calls (this may eventually be the last straw) etc, the odds are somewhere around 60/40. Either that or I wake up dead.

Holiday and hunting post partem existential angst & sump'n sump'n pandemic....now let's argue damn'it ; )

 

[Jape]

Anecdotally, my divorce colleagues have told me divorces are way up this year. Part of that could be that the pandemic and resulting time together finally brought things to a head, but it’s unfortunate since those experiences can also bring a couple closer together. Grabbing lunch with my buddy today who is going through it.

 

[OntarioHunter]

My first marital experience lasted four philandering years. Years after the divorce Dad told me he thought she should get a job in a circus. Huh? "People would pay money to see her drive a car with a mattress tied to her back." Last I heard she was on husband number four (I was #1) with at least as many homewreckers thrown in the mix. Of course I saw it coming but hung on for my daughter. We were very close. Poor kid never really got her feet on the ground after the divorce. Her mom wouldn't let her.

I had pretty much given up on finding anyone when I met my second wife. We had 22 years of a great relationship. About the same time our daughter was out of the house (sort of) our autistic son died in the night just before Christmas. That was a dark time for our marriage. Poor gal had made Wesley her life and then she was suddenly adrift. A few guys at work were anxious to make things better for her. Eventually she got through it ... I think. Guess I'll never know for sure. She was killed in a car accident ten months after Wes died.

After that I cast around for a while but eventually resigned myself to a life alone. Talking to the walls certainly takes some getting used to but I adapted. It's not what I would advise for others but I think it was the best route for me. When you're young you expect to find a partner to shape a future with. That's a big part of the adventure we call marriage and love. But in my sixties I was moulded and cast pretty solidly ... and pretty uniquely. It wouldn't be fair to expect someone to change that much to fit. More importantly, even if I could find someone who wanted to try, I would never survive losing her. Sure, no pain no gain. But that pain is too much.

 

[Lefty1]

The only other thing I'll throw out there is something I've thought about when things get really shitty, something a friend of mine who's gone through two divorces and subsequently a bankruptcy, "it takes two people to end a marriage, and only one to save it"

I don't know how absolute that is, but I have to think there's some truth in it.

Anyway, I always root for marriage, but sometimes it just isn't meant to be, and if that's honestly the case, you'll probably be happier in the long run getting out.

It only takes one to end a marriage & 2 to keep it. Doesn't matter how much one tries if the other doesn't.