Dad Joke thread

[kansasdad]

 

[noharleyyet]

Dad keyboard for texts...

 

[noharleyyet]

 

[noharleyyet]

 

[Wildabeest]

View attachment 297152

Pretty sure I have one of those too. Good thing I don’t drink vodka.

 

[noharleyyet]

 

[kansasdad]

My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list…….


…..now I can’t read it at all!

 

[kansasdad]

(A smart dad joke)


How does one differentiate a chemist from a plumber??


Ask them to pronounce “unionized”!

 

[kansasdad]

 

[seeth07]

My friends told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes but I couldn't quit cold turkey!

 

[noharleyyet]

 

[kansasdad]

Did you hear about the physicist that froze himself to absolute zero?????


He’s 0K now!!

 

[WanderWoman]

Not all construction work is equal. For instance, enlarging a drilled hole is boring, but fastening pieces of metal together is riveting.

Why are there Poptarts but no Momtarts? Because of the pastryarchy

 

[kansasdad]

Orion’s Belt is a big waist of space.

 

[Deleted member 28227]

 

[seeth07]

View attachment 308885

I wouldn't say "guy becomes dad" but rather "guy buys a house".

Ryobi - Guy is a family man that doesn't know much about using tools and probably shouldn't be doing DIY projects.
Dewalt - Guy knows a little bit about using tools and prefers value over quality. He likely won't use the tools enough to burn them out anyways.
Milwaukee/Makita - Guy is a DIY machine and knows the value of having good tools and having good customer service is important because he knows he is going to burn through them and need replacements.

 

[seeth07]

You know why football players don't wear glasses right? It's because it's a contact sport.

 

[Mallardsx2]

I wouldn't say "guy becomes dad" but rather "guy buys a house".

Ryobi - Guy is a family man that doesn't know much about using tools and probably shouldn't be doing DIY projects.
Dewalt - Guy knows a little bit about using tools and prefers value over quality. He likely won't use the tools enough to burn them out anyways.
Milwaukee/Makita - Guy is a DIY machine and knows the value of having good tools and having good customer service is important because he knows he is going to burn through them and need replacements.

What about us rigid guys?! Lol

 

[seeth07]

What about us rigid guys?! Lol

Rigid guys don't care about the quality because you get a lifetime warranty! I'm one of them and have sent many a tools back in. Tells you a bit about their quality I guess? Vortex of the tool world?

 

[Mallardsx2]

Rigid guys don't care about the quality because you get a lifetime warranty! I'm one of them and have sent many a tools back in. Tells you a bit about their quality I guess? Vortex of the tool world?

I had a Dutchman that was working on my neighbors house steal my drill and leave me his one time. I didn’t know what he had done until I went to use the drill and it wasn’t working and that’s when I realized that he had swapped them. On purpose….his was not covered under warranty….because he never registered it. So I was screwed…

True story.

Never trust a fart or the Dutch.

Words to live by.

He got what he had coming to him a few months later. lol