Canyons of Life

[elkduds]

I haven’t updated this in forever. I had lunch yesterday with some Hunt Talkers and questions came up about my girls. I realized I kind of left this hanging.

So this left off after Thanksgiving. Things seemed okay. The week before Christmas, I got home from hunting. My youngest (who tried to overdose last year) was in her room. She was very short and curt, which is unlike her. In addition, she had taken some stuff down in her room.

I pressed the issue, and she made a couple of alarming responses. I called my wife in so she could hear a quick recap of the conversation and then we told her to pack a bag.

We checked her into inpatient treatment that night. Before we left, I hugged her and told her I would be praying for her to identify and come to grips with whatever was dragging her down. Although I was shell shocked, I was also incredibly thankful she was able to make a last minute plea for help in the only way she knew how. She knew damned well what the outcome would be for the statements she made, and I fully believe they were in some way intentional.

She called the next day, which surprised me. She was fairly upbeat, and was taking part in the group sessions and activities, which she didn’t do the first time in. Her meetings with the psychiatrist and counselor were very productive. She called daily. She even called me one day as i was driving home from hunting.

We chatted for over an hour. It was absolutely incredible the revelations she was dumping out. She was able to identify how her toxic relationship with her older sister had greatly played into how she determined her self worth over the years.

In addition, she had watched us go through parental hell and back with both of her older sisters, and decided she would work this out on her own so we didn’t have to carry another burden. She was working with her counselor to develop strategies to deal with this stuff in a healthier way. Her time in group therapy also helped recalibrate her understanding about how much support she really had if she would use it.

We picked her up the day before Christmas. I was very blunt with her. I told her I want to be your biggest cheerleader, but it’s really hard not to be a huge skeptic about anything and everything.

We made a family trip to Great Falls to watch my best friend’s son rope in the circuit finals in January. We took all three girls, two boyfriends, and a friend. It was amazingly drama free and more relaxed than I could have expected.

Things are quieter and more peaceful than they’ve been in years. I have zero expectations it will always be like this. But, one thing I’ve learned through all of this is to simply enjoy the good times for what they are. Every day is an opportunity to make yourself a better person. I’ve had some wonderful visits with my youngest. She has every right to resent and hate her older sister. Instead, she is a shining example of grace and forgiveness that I am humbled to witness.

Wow, just wow in the very best sense of wow. Your posts about this are honest, painful, insightful. You and your wife are so strong together in helping your daughters. I hope and expect that your strength will be what is remembered by your family when years have calmed this turbulent time. I wish most parents I work with had what you have, could do what you have done. Excelsior!

 

[Elkmagnet]

Wonderful news!

 

[Salmonchaser]

Simply outstanding!

 

[blueridge]

I haven’t updated this in forever. I had lunch yesterday with some Hunt Talkers and questions came up about my girls. I realized I kind of left this hanging.

So this left off after Thanksgiving. Things seemed okay. The week before Christmas, I got home from hunting. My youngest (who tried to overdose last year) was in her room. She was very short and curt, which is unlike her. In addition, she had taken some stuff down in her room.

I pressed the issue, and she made a couple of alarming responses. I called my wife in so she could hear a quick recap of the conversation and then we told her to pack a bag.

We checked her into inpatient treatment that night. Before we left, I hugged her and told her I would be praying for her to identify and come to grips with whatever was dragging her down. Although I was shell shocked, I was also incredibly thankful she was able to make a last minute plea for help in the only way she knew how. She knew damned well what the outcome would be for the statements she made, and I fully believe they were in some way intentional.

She called the next day, which surprised me. She was fairly upbeat, and was taking part in the group sessions and activities, which she didn’t do the first time in. Her meetings with the psychiatrist and counselor were very productive. She called daily. She even called me one day as i was driving home from hunting.

We chatted for over an hour. It was absolutely incredible the revelations she was dumping out. She was able to identify how her toxic relationship with her older sister had greatly played into how she determined her self worth over the years.

In addition, she had watched us go through parental hell and back with both of her older sisters, and decided she would work this out on her own so we didn’t have to carry another burden. She was working with her counselor to develop strategies to deal with this stuff in a healthier way. Her time in group therapy also helped recalibrate her understanding about how much support she really had if she would use it.

We picked her up the day before Christmas. I was very blunt with her. I told her I want to be your biggest cheerleader, but it’s really hard not to be a huge skeptic about anything and everything.

We made a family trip to Great Falls to watch my best friend’s son rope in the circuit finals in January. We took all three girls, two boyfriends, and a friend. It was amazingly drama free and more relaxed than I could have expected.

Things are quieter and more peaceful than they’ve been in years. I have zero expectations it will always be like this. But, one thing I’ve learned through all of this is to simply enjoy the good times for what they are. Every day is an opportunity to make yourself a better person. I’ve had some wonderful visits with my youngest. She has every right to resent and hate her older sister. Instead, she is a shining example of grace and forgiveness that I am humbled to witness.

Love hearing this, Jason! Soooo much.

 

[noharleyyet]

Heartening news JLS, been thinking about y’all. Thanks for the update.

 

[geetar]

@JLS I’m glad to hear things are going better. Continued prayers for you and your family.

 

[tillicant]

Been following, silently. cheering along the way and, as with anyone else realizing it could be our family.
Great progress! keep with it.

 

[Djfan]

Praying with you.

 

[Jbotto]

That’s a great update! I will keep praying for you and your family!

 

[rjthehunter]

Thanks for the update. I'm glad to hear the inpatient worked well for her! Keeping you guys in my prayers.

 

[JEL]

Been thinking about you and your family. Glad to hear this welcome news.

 

[JLS]

I recently got a message from a Hunt Talk member asking about an update to this thread. Randy was kind enough to put forth the effort to have my account reactivated.

Some of you prayed for us and her, some of you sent us money for meals, others provided an ear, and some provided professional advice on how to navigate the bureaucracy. I did t think it was right to leave this story where it was at, so here is where we are today.

Youngest daughter: graduated high school this year and went to Europe with her two best friends. Did some growing up. Learned about budgeting. Came home with a better appreciation for America.

She’s done some very good introspective processing about life to this point. In fact, we had a really good heart to heart the other day when it was just me and her at home. She shared some deep down hurts from the time immediately surrounding her overdose attempt. She cried. I cried. She is going to start seeing her counselor again.

She is working as a pre school teacher this year and plans to finish her AA next year and possibly get her EMT certification. She is so much like my wife. The good thing is she is embracing it and is proud to be like her mom.

I ask her some pretty blunt questions from time to time. I think we all have some family PTSD. Time is healing. Slowly, but surely.

Middle daughter: is close to graduating with her BS and still plans to apply to PT school. She seems to be in a much better place mentally. I don’t know how much to attribute to medication and how much to attribute to emotional maturity?

She’s still volatile. She still lashes out at our youngest. She still tends to blame others for circumstances. My wife and I are very much taking a hands off approach. We’ve know for years we would have to let life serve as the ultimate teacher. She’s living with her boyfriend, who is a great guy, but also pretty much puts the onus on her when life choices don’t work out the best.

I’m thankful for every day. God has done some miraculous stuff in our family. I remind myself daily of what our middle daughter can be, based on the transformation in our youngest.

Those of you walking through similar struggles, there is hope. I remember when I first wrote this post, it was hard to find hope. Very hard. People would tell me about similar stories, with good outcomes. And, some with not good outcome.

Parenting is terrifying. My youngest called from Europe one night crying because she missed her grandparents. She loved them so dearly. I couldn’t do anything but just listen and help walk her through it.

Talk to your kids. Listen to them. Love them. Pray for them. There is hope.

 

[Nick87]

Glad to see you come back and post this @JLS. You're a good Dad no doubt. I hope you stick around some.

 

[mtmuley]

Glad to hear this JLS. As someone who who has dealt with this in my family, I understand. mtmuley

 

[mevertsen]

Man that's rough.

We are currently working through rebuilding our relationship with our 19 year old daughter. Hasn't been fun, but we're much better off than 10 months ago. This hits home.

I'm glad there is progress being made for your family.

 

[Nameless Range]

Thanks for checking in JLS. I have derived a lot of value from what you have shared - both emotionally and intellectually.

 

[44hunter45]

I recently got a message from a Hunt Talk member asking about an update to this thread. Randy was kind enough to put forth the effort to have my account reactivated.

Some of you prayed for us and her, some of you sent us money for meals, others provided an ear, and some provided professional advice on how to navigate the bureaucracy. I did t think it was right to leave this story where it was at, so here is where we are today.

Youngest daughter: graduated high school this year and went to Europe with her two best friends. Did some growing up. Learned about budgeting. Came home with a better appreciation for America.

She’s done some very good introspective processing about life to this point. In fact, we had a really good heart to heart the other day when it was just me and her at home. She shared some deep down hurts from the time immediately surrounding her overdose attempt. She cried. I cried. She is going to start seeing her counselor again.

She is working as a pre school teacher this year and plans to finish her AA next year and possibly get her EMT certification. She is so much like my wife. The good thing is she is embracing it and is proud to be like her mom.

I ask her some pretty blunt questions from time to time. I think we all have some family PTSD. Time is healing. Slowly, but surely.

Middle daughter: is close to graduating with her BS and still plans to apply to PT school. She seems to be in a much better place mentally. I don’t know how much to attribute to medication and how much to attribute to emotional maturity?

She’s still volatile. She still lashes out at our youngest. She still tends to blame others for circumstances. My wife and I are very much taking a hands off approach. We’ve know for years we would have to let life serve as the ultimate teacher. She’s living with her boyfriend, who is a great guy, but also pretty much puts the onus on her when life choices don’t work out the best.

I’m thankful for every day. God has done some miraculous stuff in our family. I remind myself daily of what our middle daughter can be, based on the transformation in our youngest.

Those of you walking through similar struggles, there is hope. I remember when I first wrote this post, it was hard to find hope. Very hard. People would tell me about similar stories, with good outcomes. And, some with not good outcome.

Parenting is terrifying. My youngest called from Europe one night crying because she missed her grandparents. She loved them so dearly. I couldn’t do anything but just listen and help walk her through it.

Talk to your kids. Listen to them. Love them. Pray for them. There is hope.

Welcome back my friend.

It was really good to read this.

 

[Southern Elk]

Thank you for the update. I’ve wondered about how things were going. Glad your family seems to be in a good place. Glad you’re back on the forum, as well.

 

[VikingsGuy]

Wonderful news. Great work papa.

I have to admit, given my own youngest daughter experience I have shared in the past, I was terrified to click on the "alert" button when it showed you had posted on this thread -- having been down the path (thankfully averted as well) I feared what news it may offer. But so glad for you and your family!!

 

[MTLabrador]

Great to hear it man. Hope you stick around to post some dogs, chukars, and elk.