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Canyons of Life

It was good to be physically exhausted from hiking. I slept better last night than I have all week.

Middle daughter will be discharged in the morning. She said they adjusted some meds, added a couple, and have been working through some cognitive behavioral therapy strategies for managing her anxiety.

She sounded good. I hope she realizes it’s a lot more than just meds, and takes a different approach to life besides cramming every scary thought into the back of her mind.

Can’t wait to see her…
 
JLS said:
It was good to be physically exhausted from hiking. I slept better last night than I have all week.

Middle daughter will be discharged in the morning. She said they adjusted some meds, added a couple, and have been working through some cognitive behavioral therapy strategies for managing her anxiety.

She sounded good. I hope she realizes it’s a lot more than just meds, and takes a different approach to life besides cramming every scary thought into the back of her mind.

Can’t wait to see her…
Click to expand...
CBT seems to help a lot of kids in this situation. My daughter seemed to blow it off at first, but then you saw some of the learnings popping up - kids often listen more than they admit on the surface.
 
I just found this!! Thank you so much for sharing. Sometimes when folks are willing to hang lights along the trail it makes all the difference for those who follow.
My wife and I adopted our oldest daughter at 2. She is now 16 with more labels and diagnosis than any kid should have.
I remember the day sitting in the doc's office when they explained what we could expect as she matured along with videos to prepare us. The long ride home with tears and silence.
Since that day there have been very few easy days but God has kept us and her healthy. We are living in it every day but things now are so much better than predicted.
Thank you for being willing to share your pain.
I will be praying for your family.
 
EDAFF3A0-9608-4A8E-91F4-902E358F779B.jpeg

Canyons are such an accurate metaphor of life. You climb. You sweat. You hurt. You wonder how long the struggle will last. You slip. You fall. You lay there and collect yourself. They are complex, and sometimes unforgiving.

We picked up our middle daughter thanksgiving morning. It was a wonderful day.

We talked late into the night. She is introspective (for a 19 year old) about all of this, and expressed the desire to find a psychiatrist to work with. She wants to find out what triggered this event.

It was a months long spiral. She wasn’t eating well and had lost weight. Not going to the gym. Stressed about work. Stressed about school. An eroding relationship with a long term boyfriend.

She recognized she doesn’t love herself, and that needs to change. She’s still thinking about taking a quarter off, but is worried she won’t go back to school if she does. Lots of decisions, but none are permanent.

I’m hopeful she’ll move forward with much better awareness of where she’s at mentally. She recognized she has PTSD from some stuff that happened about four years ago. Know thyself.

Sometimes parenting feels like flying…blindfolded.
 
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JLS said:
View attachment 252459

Canyons are such an accurate metaphor of life. You climb. You sweat. You hurt. You wonder how long the struggle will last. You slip. You fall. You lay there and collect yourself. They are complex, and sometimes unforgiving.

We picked up our middle daughter thanksgiving morning. It was a wonderful day.

We talked late into the night. She is introspective (for a 19 year old) about all of this, and expressed the desire to find a psychiatrist to work with. She want a to find out what triggered this event.

It was a months long spiral. She wasn’t eating well and had lost weight. Not going to the gym. Stressed about work. Stressed about school. An eroding relationship with a long term boyfriend.

She recognized she doesn’t love herself, and that needs to change. She’s still thinking about taking a quarter off, but is worried she won’t go back to school if she does. Lots of decisions, but none are permanent.

I’m hopeful she’ll move forward with much better awareness of where she’s at mentally. She recognized she has PTSD from some stuff that happened about four years ago. Know thyself.

Sometimes parenting feels like flying…blindfolded.
Click to expand...
Glad you are talking. I’m also glad you are listening. I’m sure she is too.
 
I have experience with this ____ (fill in the blank). Not me, and not a spawn of mine, thank dog.

My mother-in-law moved in with us, 6 years past, when we were 35. Imagine that ____ (fill in the blank), youre mother-in-law, and a literal financial burden to boot, moving in with you and your wife - shes family, and better with us than on the street. Major Depression, along with Depression's best friend: Anxiety. I see this ____ (fill in the blank) literally EVERY day. She didnt beat it, but your daughter may yet. Its a dogdanged crap disease that I wouldnt wish on anyone.

This topic isnt about me, its about you -- so, point is: I think you, and she, are in, or at least heading to, a good place. Good luck, JLS. I think you are doing the best you can, and are doing a fine job.

Best wishes.
 
I haven’t updated this in forever. I had lunch yesterday with some Hunt Talkers and questions came up about my girls. I realized I kind of left this hanging.

So this left off after Thanksgiving. Things seemed okay. The week before Christmas, I got home from hunting. My youngest (who tried to overdose last year) was in her room. She was very short and curt, which is unlike her. In addition, she had taken some stuff down in her room.

I pressed the issue, and she made a couple of alarming responses. I called my wife in so she could hear a quick recap of the conversation and then we told her to pack a bag.

We checked her into inpatient treatment that night. Before we left, I hugged her and told her I would be praying for her to identify and come to grips with whatever was dragging her down. Although I was shell shocked, I was also incredibly thankful she was able to make a last minute plea for help in the only way she knew how. She knew damned well what the outcome would be for the statements she made, and I fully believe they were in some way intentional.

She called the next day, which surprised me. She was fairly upbeat, and was taking part in the group sessions and activities, which she didn’t do the first time in. Her meetings with the psychiatrist and counselor were very productive. She called daily. She even called me one day as i was driving home from hunting.

We chatted for over an hour. It was absolutely incredible the revelations she was dumping out. She was able to identify how her toxic relationship with her older sister had greatly played into how she determined her self worth over the years.

In addition, she had watched us go through parental hell and back with both of her older sisters, and decided she would work this out on her own so we didn’t have to carry another burden. She was working with her counselor to develop strategies to deal with this stuff in a healthier way. Her time in group therapy also helped recalibrate her understanding about how much support she really had if she would use it.

We picked her up the day before Christmas. I was very blunt with her. I told her I want to be your biggest cheerleader, but it’s really hard not to be a huge skeptic about anything and everything.

We made a family trip to Great Falls to watch my best friend’s son rope in the circuit finals in January. We took all three girls, two boyfriends, and a friend. It was amazingly drama free and more relaxed than I could have expected.

Things are quieter and more peaceful than they’ve been in years. I have zero expectations it will always be like this. But, one thing I’ve learned through all of this is to simply enjoy the good times for what they are. Every day is an opportunity to make yourself a better person. I’ve had some wonderful visits with my youngest. She has every right to resent and hate her older sister. Instead, she is a shining example of grace and forgiveness that I am humbled to witness.
 
JLS said:
I haven’t updated this in forever. I had lunch yesterday with some Hunt Talkers and questions came up about my girls. I realized I kind of left this hanging.

So this left off after Thanksgiving. Things seemed okay. The week before Christmas, I got home from hunting. My youngest (who tried to overdose last year) was in her room. She was very short and curt, which is unlike her. In addition, she had taken some stuff down in her room.

I pressed the issue, and she made a couple of alarming responses. I called my wife in so she could hear a quick recap of the conversation and then we told her to pack a bag.

We checked her into inpatient treatment that night. Before we left, I hugged her and told her I would be praying for her to identify and come to grips with whatever was dragging her down. Although I was shell shocked, I was also incredibly thankful she was able to make a last minute plea for help in the only way she knew how. She knew damned well what the outcome would be for the statements she made, and I fully believe they were in some way intentional.

She called the next day, which surprised me. She was fairly upbeat, and was taking part in the group sessions and activities, which she didn’t do the first time in. Her meetings with the psychiatrist and counselor were very productive. She called daily. She even called me one day as i was driving home from hunting.

We chatted for over an hour. It was absolutely incredible the revelations she was dumping out. She was able to identify how her toxic relationship with her older sister had greatly played into how she determined her self worth over the years.

In addition, she had watched us go through parental hell and back with both of her older sisters, and decided she would work this out on her own so we didn’t have to carry another burden. She was working with her counselor to develop strategies to deal with this stuff in a healthier way. Her time in group therapy also helped recalibrate her understanding about how much support she really had if she would use it.

We picked her up the day before Christmas. I was very blunt with her. I told her I want to be your biggest cheerleader, but it’s really hard not to be a huge skeptic about anything and everything.

We made a family trip to Great Falls to watch my best friend’s son rope in the circuit finals in January. We took all three girls, two boyfriends, and a friend. It was amazingly drama free and more relaxed than I could have expected.

Things are quieter and more peaceful than they’ve been in years. I have zero expectations it will always be like this. But, one thing I’ve learned through all of this is to simply enjoy the good times for what they are. Every day is an opportunity to make yourself a better person. I’ve had some wonderful visits with my youngest. She has every right to resent and hate her older sister. Instead, she is a shining example of grace and forgiveness that I am humbled to witness.
Click to expand...
Thanks for the update. Wishing the best for you and yours.
 
The boyfriends in attendance undoubtedly helped control sibling rivalry drama.

My daughter was a handful at that age. Her brother and mother both dying suddenly just when she turned eighteen didn't help matters. It eventually all came out in the wash in the end. Pretty amazing. She had a string of unbelievably shitty boyfriends after the twin tragedies. The fall she was pregnant with Parker I was hunting birds in Montana and the police called ... from the hospital. Asshole boyfriend/biological father had beat her half to death. Not the first time either. But I told that cop as soon as I could finish cleaning a couple of pheasants I'd be on my way home. It would be a 25 hr drive. The police had a head start. If they didn't find that guy before I did, he would cease wasting oxygen. Protective custody is the only thing that would keep him alive. Cop was a nice young guy who was pretty shook up. "You stay there. I have a daughter of my own. This jerk is going to pay. You have my word on that. I just don't want to put you in jail too. You're all your daughter has left. She needs you." So I stayed put and let the authorities handle it. Jessie was in hospital for several days. Pregnancy stuck. She was moved to a local home for battered women and stayed there several weeks till the jerk was apprehended. Children's Aid got involved and that was a good thing. Helped get Jessie's head screwed on. Both the ladies' home and CA kept an eye on things discreetly. When Parker was born they were hugely supportive. I dropped off a $1K donation at the home when I returned. Jessie is now a great mom to two kids married to a really wonderful gentle giant. Don't give up and never be too proud to get help. It will work out.
 
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