Being a Man in the Modern World

[widnert]

I can empathize with any young person who wasn’t taught life-skills. I figure that it’s not their fault who they were raised by.

But I tell ya’, the one thing that makes me lose faith in tomorrow’s world is….well-done steaks.

Well, every single old-time rancher I know does eat well-done steaks. Every last grizzled one of them. Maybe its because they know all the stuff those cattle are injected with over the course of their lifetime? I don't know.....

 

[Deleted member 28227]

Why is it always the public school's fault and not the parent's fault?

Signed...a curious teacher

Friend over for dinner.

"But mama wllm1313, this new math their teaching these days... what happened to regular math, it's insane" (friend)

"Britney, I was your 4th grade teacher and I'm Hayden's 4th grade teacher, there isn't new math, that's exactly how I taught it to you, my lessons really haven't changed much. Darling I love you but you were a really shitty student" ( Mama wllm1313)

* Names were changed, but this is word for word a real conversation that happened.

 

[Pmacc60]

I have similar conversations with some of the younger folks I work with at Scheels and some of my kids 20 something year old friends. My parents divorce (I was 8) left me with a mean, demeaning step father until I was 14 when my mom finally got rid of him.....right before we found out she had terminal cancer. I have a great uncle (her brother) that I was around some (VN vet and no BS guy due to my Grandpa) and my mom's dad who was hard as woodpecker lips but still caring I wish I could have had a lot more time with. When my mom passed I went to live with my Dad and the despicable dumpster fire he was married to at that point. From all three of those men the one thing I got was a work ethic....both by watching them and by being expected to do whatever was needed, period. Most of the other "manly" influences for me came from being in team sports and having some great coaches over the years. Later, having good mentors in the military kind of rounded it out. A couple of big things I learned and think are lacking totally now are:

1) Do what you are supposed/need to do, without fail. Being a man means there is a LOT of stuff that is unpleasant, hard, uncomfortable that you simply HAVE to do and complaining won't make it any easier.

2) You shouldn't be paying people to do stuff for you that you CAN do. Part of this was being dirt ass poor, and part was simply the pride. A lot of stuff in reality is not as hard as it seems. For me the only line in the sand is electric....I know my limits

3) Sometimes violence IS the answer and you should be prepared execute it both for your own safety and that of those you care about. The "violence is never the answer" crowd and the anonymity of the inter webs has led to a whole subculture of folks just BEGGING for a strong whipping to adjust their attitude and actions.

4) Being a man in the end has a lot to do with sacrifice....for your family.....for your community......for your country......for the greater good.

I just had to say that was good of an explanation of being a man/American as I have ever heard !

 

[noharleyyet]

Friend over for dinner.

"But mama wllm1313, this new math their teaching these days... what happened to regular math, it's insane" (friend)

"Britney, I was your 4th grade teacher and I'm Hayden's 4th grade teacher, there isn't new math, that's exactly how I taught it to you, my lessons really haven't changed much. Darling I love you but you were a really shitty student" ( Mama wllm1313)

* Names were changed, but this is word for word a real conversation that happened.

...to the chase we cut

 

[Deleted member 28227]

Well, every single old-time rancher I know does eat well-done steaks. Every last grizzled one of them. Maybe its because they know all the stuff those cattle are injected with over the course of their lifetime? I don't know.....

Also his fridge...

 

[Ben Lamb]

I agree with the list and sentiment, but I see this more as being a responsible adult and not limited to manly men. I also haven't listened to the podcast so maybe that was what you all were getting at.

BTW electricity is scary, I don't mess with it either.

There's a transcript on the blog. What the individual who is presenting is essentially saying is that @Europe, @Panda Bear and @Randi are more manly than most everyone else.

The author comes across as wistful in his love of bygone eras and how it produced men with chests, without realizing that those eras were far softer than the ones that came before them. Technological advances between the civil war and WWI led to more men coming home rather than dying on the battlefield. Soft men who couldn't just buck up and die like a man.

Vaccines cause soft men because we didn't either die from smallpox or the flu, but got a shot to make us survive. SOFT.

Indoor plumbing?! Real men shit in the woods and use poisoned sumac to wipe. SOFT!

The best part is the complaining about technology leaving "men" behind. Like our cognitive capacities stopped when the 4 barrel carburetor was developed.

There's a lot of wisdom contained in the podcast to be sure, but the primary thesis that "this is what it takes to be a man" is rooted in a past century's understanding of the human condition, with some wistful nostalgia about a time that 90% of us wouldn't really want to be in if we're honest with each other.

I was raised by a man who was the primary breadwinner when he turned 12. My grandfather was dealing with the trauma caused by WW2 through alcohol. Dad was the toughest SOB I ever met, and he had the gentlest touch when it came time to care for others. He cared for my mother when she got Alzheimer's, he cared for his sisters and mother when they needed the help, he (following my mother's lead) launched a charity that helped teach single mothers how to do basic things like oil changes, etc. so they weren't beholden to the same kind of men that the blog describes as virile and manly. because more often than not, those who thought that way were more interested in control than partnership with their significant other. The best man at my wedding has been married to the same man for over 20 years and is one of the bravest people I've ever met. He's never touched a rifle or killed anything beyond a housefly. But he's stood down tough SOB's who were threatening to kill him over minutia in wolf management policies.

Kindness, love, empathy, understanding and resolve are character traits that all people should have. Gender isn't a qualifying factor for any of it. Experience builds confidence, and confidence builds leaders.

I doubt any of us could be dropped in West Baltimore and make it out unscathed, even with all of our outdoorsmanship. Being a man can mean so many things to so many people. At the end of the day, I think we spend too much time thinking about the construct of manliness than we do actually practicing on being a good person. But I grew up with two sisters who kicked my ass everyday until I could stand up for myself.

 

[Deleted member 28227]

Be comfortable being uncomfortable.

Buying condoms for the first time, talking to my first girl friend about sex/contraception/STDs. Buying tampons and pads for that girlfriend. Going with female friends to get the plan B pill when the d-bag they slept with peaced out and they were scared to go alone. Talking to my dying dad about POA, DNR, DNO... deciding to take my grand mother off life support.

Those were are pretty uncomfortable experiences.

Takes about 5 min to teach a 15 year old to change oil. My dad didn't, I learned it from youtube. He did teach me to be comfortable being uncomfortable, how to talk about things and do things I didn't want to, personally I'm glad my dad didn't spend his effort teaching me things I could learn from internet tutorials.

 

[TOGIE]

simple summation of how to be a man in my book - consider others greater than yourself and put the needs of others before yourself, and fold don't scrunch...

 

[4ohSick]

My dad died when I was 10. My stepdad grew up with emotionally withholding parents and his father was abusive. He's never been able to really confront his trauma, has struggled with addiction as long as I've known him, and has never been good at expressing emotion. He's also incredibly handy, taught me lots about car and home maintenance, and I credit him with my DIY attitude. I love him and am incredibly grateful for him and all he taught me, but I wouldn't be the man I am today without my mother who taught me to confront pain and trauma, how to express my emotions and have difficult conversations, how to be vulnerable. My wife appreciates when I change her oil or tile a floor, but she loves the person I am, not the tasks I can do.

 

[Ben Lamb]

I'm drawing the line at hugging any of you SOB's though.

 

[406dn]

I am reasonably handy, but there was one time a cousin and I could have used a good Samaritan. He and I were coming home from a bird hunting trip, when my car blew the left back tire.

No big deal, I had a decent spare in the trunk and the weather was pleasant. We jacked up the car and got the blown tire off. Then I went to put the spare on. The car needed to be jacked up a few more inches. Well... the jack would not go up any higher. It was slipping back to its present height. It would lower, then go higher... but not one inch higher than where it was hanging up.

We were both 20ish seemingly able bodied. The flat occurred on the interstate going thru Bismarck ND. Hundreds of cars went by, unimpressed by our attempts to flag them down. We were there well over an hour when our good Samaritan arrived.

He was three sheets to the wind. He could barely remain standing. BUT, he had a jack. Finally, we finished our task and drove home.

I fully understood why people drove on by, but there are times where things aren't exactly how they look.

 

[bowhuntmontana]

 

[KB_]

I'm drawing the line at hugging any of you SOB's though.

Sounds like you need a hug

 

[Ben Lamb]

Sounds like you need a hug

Bring it in.

 

[westbranch]

Bring it in.

View attachment 194521

 

[Panda Bear]

I'm drawing the line at hugging any of you SOB's though.

Granted I am not a Victoria Secret model, but finding a date in college was never an issue, so I am assuming you not hugging this SOB because I am an Indian

 

[Ben Lamb]

Granted I am not a Victoria Secret model, but finding a date in college was never an issue, so I am assuming you not hugging this SOB because I am an Indian

There's no answer here that keeps me out of trouble.

I bow to a superior intellect.

 

[SO7mm]

My wife is a teacher I love her to death but all the crap that comes out of her mouth makes me shutter. White privilege, Bullys, ruff play on the playground. Not that you can’t counteract this teaching from a young age but if there isn’t a man in the house it will be the death of toxic masculinity. Not blaming teachers but the system that wants our boys to lay down their guns and welcome communism. Ain’t going to happen on my watch. I wish I was more of a man I see the hours and bed of work my grandpas did to earn a living. I work hard but times are much easier for me than it was for them.

After watching my now 8 year old son struggle through sitting quietly in classrooms and writing story after story I think the whole system is geared toward breaking little boys down in a way. He, like many boys, is geared toward being active, doing math and building stuff like Legos which was not a big part of his 1st and 2nd grade. Along with what you're saying this can't be helping our young boys.

 

[4ohSick]

After watching my now 8 year old son struggle through sitting quietly in classrooms and writing story after story I think the whole system is geared toward breaking little boys down in a way. He, like many boys, is geared toward being active, doing math and building stuff like Legos which was not a big part of his 1st and 2nd grade. Along with what you're saying this can't be helping our young boys.

Aside from a select few, most of us wind up working jobs with some level of minutiae and we all have to do things we don't enjoy. Maybe 1st grade is young, but at some point we have to teach kids to sit through things they don't enjoy, as there's going to be a lot of it through high school and in their future professions.

 

[JLS]

There's no answer here that keeps me out of trouble.

Checkmate,,,