A little humour for your day

Addicting · Aug 4, 2022

Bigjay73 said:
Someone tell me how this govt expenditure is justified:

View attachment 232637

When you have to get them to MEPS before they change their mind.

Bigjay73 · Aug 4, 2022

Addicting said:
When you have to get them to MEPS before they change their mind.

That's hilarious

noharleyyet · Aug 4, 2022

Addicting said:
When you have to get them to MEPS before they change their mind.

Group W bench...

noharleyyet · Aug 4, 2022

noharleyyet · Aug 4, 2022

noharleyyet · Aug 4, 2022

Ventura's foray into FAFO...still makes me smile

Nostromo · Aug 4, 2022

Nostromo · Aug 4, 2022

noharleyyet · Aug 5, 2022

noharleyyet · Aug 5, 2022

noharleyyet · Aug 5, 2022

OntarioHunter · Aug 5, 2022

noharleyyet said:
View attachment 232821

At the plant a hot metal truck driver (hauled crucibles of molten aluminum to casting dept) tried to go to work one Friday midnight with his pants on backwards. Security let him through the gate but shop steward wouldn't let him in the plant. It happens.

hank4elk · Aug 5, 2022

OntarioHunter said:
At the plant a hot metal truck driver (hauled crucibles of molten aluminum to casting dept) tried to go to work one Friday midnight with his pants on backwards. Security let him through the gate but shop steward wouldn't let him in the plant. It happens.

The last const. crew I had got their last check one Fri.
One guy had eyeshadow on and the other one boot and one sneaker on when they showed...it was Thursday Farmers market the night before and the Poly Dollies were back.

antelopedundee · Aug 5, 2022

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local store manager:
Dear Mrs. Harris:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

VikingsGuy · Aug 5, 2022

VikingsGuy · Aug 5, 2022

VikingsGuy · Aug 5, 2022

VikingsGuy · Aug 5, 2022

rwc101 · Aug 5, 2022

noharleyyet said:
View attachment 232821

My college roommate was a drunk. Hardly ever saw him because he was passed out somewhere. Went to the dining hall one morning for breakfast and heard people stifling laughter. Looked around and there was my roommate with his pants split from the belt loop to the knee. Still too drunk to even know.

noharleyyet · Aug 5, 2022

A little humour for your day

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Dear Mrs. Harris:​

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.​

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.​

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:​

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.​

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.​

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.​

6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.​

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.​

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.​

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.​

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.​

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.​

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.​

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'​

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;​

'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'​

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?​

And last, but not least:​

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.​

​

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Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;

'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.