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Where the sun don’t shine

A buddy had an opposite experience. Took a guy to Michigan salmon fishing. The guy wouldn't go out in the boat until he could #2. They sat around 4 hours waiting. Needless to say he doesn't get invited anymore. 🤣🤣
 
I’ve definitely had to use socks, and undershirts… I’m pretty big on the Leave No Trace— but I’m ashamed to confess I’ve never brought it back with me… mini shovels are ALMOST as handy as toilet paper
 
My wife’s dad got into a really bad accident about 15 years ago. Everything is back to normal (for the most part) except the bowel movements. He’s a ranch hand and every morning when he leaves for work his wife says…”don’t forget there is toilet paper under the seat” to which he always shouts “I know.” The problem is he can’t really tell when it’s go time until it’s actually go time…that man has more 1 armed shirts than anyone I know. And all those days when he’s wearing a short sleeve shirt he comes back with no socks.

It’s to the point now that when he comes home without a sleeve he just smiles and no one says a word. I think his wife has forced him to shop at the goodwill for all his work shirts though.
 
Have cut the top off my socks and the pockets out of my pants before...long ago! I do NOT go anywhere with spare rolls anymore.
 
One early Saturday morning during my sophomore year of high school I was sitting on the back of the jv wrestling headed for the Springfield southeast tournament when I started getting hit by the “waves” described by Randy in the 5 alarm chili story.
I clenched my cheeks and headed towards the front of the bus where I was surprised to find my buddy George sitting with his face in his hands in the same situation.
I explained what was going on to the driver and that she needed to either pull that thing over or get ready to deal with a hell of a mess.
She pulled over on the shoulder of the interstate right next to a busy frontage road.
I ran out the door, dropped trowel, leaned up against the bus and tried to relieve myself.
george followed suit, sat down uncomfortably close to me and immediately began to unleash fury.
no such luck for me.
the waves were in a brief period of recession.
george climbed back on the bus.
our former u of I wrestler/hungover coach stuck his head out the door.
“Come on man, we’ve gotta get out of here. People are watching”
I ascended the steps of the bus knowing in my heart that the battle was not over.

about 5min later the waves started crashing over my body again.
Showtime.
I desperately rummaged through my bag trying to find a suitable container.
I dumped the strawberry’s out of their container, sat it in the seat and positioned my ass.
Strawberry containers have holes in them.
terrible idea.
At this point I had no choice but to sacrifice my lunchbox.

As I was blasting I remember looking back at Brandon who was riding in the rear seat with his headphones on over his stocking cap and his eyes closed.
First his nose started crinkling up, he kinda sniffed and was like
“Wtf is that smell”
Then he opened his eyes and realized what was going on
“Jesus Christ!!! Wtf!!!”
then the whole bus woke up.
chaos ensued.
My parents brought me new underwear and I won all 3 matches.
hell of a day.
 
My uncle used to come up to northern WI to hunt deer with my dad and me. He wasn't a real serious deer hunter, but liked to visit during the gun season and hunt for a couple days. We would make small pushes through narrow swamps surrounded by paper company clearcuts. We told Uncle Al the plan - he was supposed to walk around to the point of a swamp and wait for us. We heard a shot about half way through our push. Good deal. Turns out he had found himself in a TP-less situation as soon as he got to the end of the swamp. Not wanting to defile any of his minimal hunting gear, and not finding any suitable vegetation (WI gun season is in late November), he settled on using the only expendable item in his pocket - his ham sandwich. The 8-point buck he shot immediately after the deed of course forever branded it "the chit sandwich drive".
 
Back to the original question- for western montana on the north sides - heart leaf arnica- layered. Skunk cabbage has a big leaf but be careful it's fragile and should be layered. Fine grass can be used if its long enough for the first pass. In despiration I have seen bodies of water used like a bidet. I remember three pantsless days in Hells Canyon. And my favorite along mtn roads - mullen weed. It has big fuzzy leaves. Much better than charmin.

Personally every meal on the road deposits more fast food napkins in the door pocket. Only last week I saved a friend from imminent disaster with a handful of them when an unplanned emergency did not allow time to search for the tp roll.
 
DouglasR said:
One early Saturday morning during my sophomore year of high school I was sitting on the back of the jv wrestling headed for the Springfield southeast tournament when I started getting hit by the “waves” described by Randy in the 5 alarm chili story.
I clenched my cheeks and headed towards the front of the bus where I was surprised to find my buddy George sitting with his face in his hands in the same situation.
I explained what was going on to the driver and that she needed to either pull that thing over or get ready to deal with a hell of a mess.
She pulled over on the shoulder of the interstate right next to a busy frontage road.
I ran out the door, dropped trowel, leaned up against the bus and tried to relieve myself.
george followed suit, sat down uncomfortably close to me and immediately began to unleash fury.
no such luck for me.
the waves were in a brief period of recession.
george climbed back on the bus.
our former u of I wrestler/hungover coach stuck his head out the door.
“Come on man, we’ve gotta get out of here. People are watching”
I ascended the steps of the bus knowing in my heart that the battle was not over.

about 5min later the waves started crashing over my body again.
Showtime.
I desperately rummaged through my bag trying to find a suitable container.
I dumped the strawberry’s out of their container, sat it in the seat and positioned my ass.
Strawberry containers have holes in them.
terrible idea.
At this point I had no choice but to sacrifice my lunchbox.

As I was blasting I remember looking back at Brandon who was riding in the rear seat with his headphones on over his stocking cap and his eyes closed.
First his nose started crinkling up, he kinda sniffed and was like
“Wtf is that smell”
Then he opened his eyes and realized what was going on
“Jesus Christ!!! Wtf!!!”
then the whole bus woke up.
chaos ensued.
My parents brought me new underwear and I won all 3 matches.
hell of a day.
Click to expand...
That is gold.....

Probably the best written short story I've ever seen on here. LMFAO
 
Jason73 said:
A buddy had an opposite experience. Took a guy to Michigan salmon fishing. The guy wouldn't go out in the boat until he could #2. They sat around 4 hours waiting. Needless to say he doesn't get invited anymore. 🤣🤣
Click to expand...

Sounds like they need to keep a can of Copenhagen on the boat. One dip gets things rolling
 
Not having TP is a rarity but if you ever see me in a sleeveless T shirt you can guess why.
 
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