Things dogs eat …

Rio has never chewed anything up, outside of any critter he catches or any bone ,antler ,skull he can reach.
He did destroy my console lid in the Ford by riding it...
 
All good reasons why I haven't owned a dog since 1978. Just haven't bought into the current dog obsession currently sweeping the country, but to each his own.
Dogs give more than they take. Much more. You should give pheasant hunting over a dog a try. I guarantee you'd be hooked. Lot's of excitement. Or you could just sit on your butt in a tree stand for days on end waiting for something to happen. The ultimate joy in life is watching others having fun. And hunting dogs in the field only know fun. They never get frustrated or angry and don't give a shit if they never even see a bird. Just happy to be out there. A healthy example for us to follow.
 
Chewed Mrs Kansas dad’s brand new glasses. It is surprising Trooper lives through that aftermath. He also chewed up to ruination my anti snoring lower jaw positioner. I always tell my retainer wearing patients that dogs love human saliva, and will ruin expensive plastic (because it is “dental”) super fast.

Trooper also would single out plastic mechanical pencils. Anytime one would be left where he could get it, it was in pieces in minutes.
 
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Back in my younger days had some buddies over for beer and cards. My German Shepard came in to the middle of the room doing the gag..hack..something is going to splat all over your floor routine. I quickly grabbed a paper plate and held it under her mouth. What did she puke up....blue fingers! One of my friends started freaking out and said dude your dog ate someone that is a freaking hand! Nope she just ate my freaking welding gloves!
 
There was a coyote in our yard trying to make the dogs chase it. I assume it wanted to lead them off to get eaten by the pack. I shot the coyote and drug it off. About two weeks later one of the dogs brings the rotten smelly coyote carcass up on the driveway and starts chewing on it. The other dog comes by and rolls in it.
 
So many stories and things chewed when you have 4 dogs in your life but hands down the best was the flour incident.

Bag of flour was left on the counter and when I came home from work, my golden retriever must have taken it down and decided to ripe it open. Ever wonder what your kitchen would look like of you took a bag of flour and tossed it around all day? I found out that day. What's crazy is I wasn't even really that upset because when I saw kitchen I just literally started laughing uncontrollably. 3 hours of cleaning and months later of still finding things covered in flour. Best part is it was a two man job. The little dachshund was hiding under her blanket on her bed when I got home and had she not been completely white (she is a black and tan) she would have gotten away with it!
 
This genius will eat anything. Typically her poop looks like confetti in the back yard. I’m shocked she hasn’t had any issues yet.
 

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Dogs give more than they take. Much more. You should give pheasant hunting over a dog a try. I guarantee you'd be hooked. Lot's of excitement. Or you could just sit on your butt in a tree stand for days on end waiting for something to happen. The ultimate joy in life is watching others having fun. And hunting dogs in the field only know fun. They never get frustrated or angry and don't give a shit if they never even see a bird. Just happy to be out there. A healthy example for us to follow.
Oh don't get me wrong. I like dogs, my Father kept beagles and walkers, I kept blue ticks and black and tans. I've hunted pheasant and quail over friend's dogs and have friends who own house dogs, they just don't fit into my lifestyle, and when she was alive my wife was very allergic to dogs so I've just learned that I can do without them and lead a happy and rewarding life in so doing. I'm happy for those who can fit them into their lives.
 
When my lab was younger and came in in heat for the first time, I put her kennel in the part of the garage that is the "man cave" to separate her from the (now ex) girlfriends two male dogs. After a couple days I made the mistake of just letting her roam around in there without shutting the kennel door. She found a basket full of turkey beards and proceeded to shred every one of them. I'm talking almost 20 yrs worth of turkey beards. Also half ate a dried pheasant skin a guy we used to hunt with in South Dakota gave me around 25 yrs ago. I wasn't too pleased to say the least but I had only myself to blame for leaving a young lab un kenneled around such tasty things.
She's almost 5 now, but still has an addiction to the trash every now and then. One evening I cooked some deer steaks for dinner, which I had wrapped in cellophane before vaccum sealing. Lo and behold the trash monster came while I was at work and the bag was scattered around the kitchen. Fast forward to the next morning I let her out to do her business and I notice her crouch walking across the yard. Upon further inspection I see a bit of cellophane hanging out her backside and she's struggling to pinch it off. Luckily as I'm mentally preparing myself to reach down and do what must be done, she successfully gets it pinched off and all is good. I got lucky there.
 
Most aggravating was when the dog decided that the baby's bottle would be fun to chew up. Thankfully they're not too terrible to replace.

The funniest incident though was when my wife and I got home one evening and the dog was acting really strange. Didn't want to go outside, kept running between our room and the living room, just acting anxious in general. We get ready for bed and she's up on the bed whining like crazy, staring at the pillows. I pull one of the pillows back and what do I find? A freaking stick of butter. She snatched it up and immediately started whining while holding it. I didn't want to test her so I went and got a piece of cheese and traded her for the stick of butter.
 
These stories are a riot. Every dog is different and bound to surprise you. Always expect the unexpected. "What has that crazy mutt done now?" What kind of life would I have without that kind of anxiety? Boring!
 
Recently in South Africa I observed my lodge's now retired blood tracking Jack Russell cross suddenly roll over on his back, legs in the air.
Me: "What's he doing? Playing dead for a treat?"
PH: "OH no!"
[The lodge's current blood tracker Butch wanders over and proceeds to lick Max's weiner.]
Me: "Interesting. I wonder ..."
PH: "Don't even think about it!"
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One of several management animals I culled at my PH's property. Butch was along but not needed.
What the heck is that jack Russell crossed with? He is a cool looking dog
 
Mine are currently eating apples and tomatoes from the backyard trees and garden. Greener the better I guess because they won't touch the red ones. The neighbor kid gets $5 a day to rake them all up but it's a lost cause I think.
 

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