Muledeer4me
New member
Is this the oath WWPs Jon Marvel makes you take to join his group?
I swear an oath on my honor as a hypocrite that...
I swear an oath on my honor as a hypocrite that...
I will cuss cows but eat beef, blast miners but wear jewelry and drive a car but condemn oil companies.
I don't want trees cut for any purpose other than to provide the lumber for my next house.
As a Hollywood celebrity I assert my God given right to sire at least four children by three different wives and then protest about overpopulation in the world.
I will put fish first by saving the sucker and salmon, but not the farmers and ranchers who feed me.
I demand that politicians and federal judges in Washington save all endangered species, except the small business man.
I feel government is imminently qualified to micro-manage nature, after all, look what a smashing job they've done with the IRS, EPA, USDA, FBI, BLM and assorted other alphabet agencies.
As a self-righteous hypocrite it is my duty to celebrate Earth Day with barbecues and parades and by leaving tons of trash behind.
I demand that feedlots and farms stop polluting our ground water. That privilege should be preserved for me every time I flush the contents of my toilet into a septic tank or the ocean.
I want to relocate grizzly bears and wolves to the West but not in my big-city backyard. After all, people live here! I give my permission for mountains lions to eat lambs but if a lion eats my dog or cat I demand the abominable beast be shot on sight.
I will cuss oil companies on talk radio and stand in the way of their drilling more wells while sitting in my gas guzzling SUV with the engine running.
I will write letters to the editor on my computer castigating utility companies for not providing enough electricity. At the same time I will send money to green groups who want to tear down hydroelectric dams and stand in the way of any new power producing projects.
I avow at the next cocktail party I attend while smoking a cigarette and sipping a martini that I will sue the tobacco companies for causing my lung cancer.
Although I have never personally milked a cow or grown vegetables in a garden I demand to have a say on how farmers and ranchers do it.
As a pompous hypocrite I demand that water, herbicides, and pesticides be taken away from farmers immediately, but I don't want it to affect the price, quantity or quality of the food I buy in the store. It is my strongly held conviction that we should ban all pesticides, except the can of bug spray I use to kill ants and other unwanted bugs in my home.
As a mealy-mouthed hypocrite I vow to help stop global warming by watching the Discovery Channel on my giant sized television in my air-conditioned house.
I assert that cattle pooping on our nation's grasslands is a national disgrace while fertilizing my urban lawn with steer manure and urea is simply good ecology. I will complain about fertilizer runoff from farms but not from golf courses because I happen to be a golfer.
I will hound hunters in the woods because they use guns despite the fact that hunting groups have increased habitat and wildlife numbers.
I demand that the government end all timber cutting or recovery in our national forests but I'll cry like a singed coyote if the feds allow wildfires to burn near my house.
As a card-carrying hypocrite I disavow the use of fur, leather, wool and all animal by-products, except the ones used in medicine that might save my life.
I demand labels be placed on all food products but not on a rock album that endorses killing cops.
Finally, as an arrogant and self-serving hypocrite I firmly believe that rural folks have done a terrible job of taking care of the countryside and they must do a better job because that's where I want to live or visit someday when I can escape the pollution, crime, and insanity of the barren big city in which I currently reside.
PIF Additions: I don't want trees cut for any purpose other than to provide the lumber for my next house.
As a Hollywood celebrity I assert my God given right to sire at least four children by three different wives and then protest about overpopulation in the world.
I will put fish first by saving the sucker and salmon, but not the farmers and ranchers who feed me.
I demand that politicians and federal judges in Washington save all endangered species, except the small business man.
I feel government is imminently qualified to micro-manage nature, after all, look what a smashing job they've done with the IRS, EPA, USDA, FBI, BLM and assorted other alphabet agencies.
As a self-righteous hypocrite it is my duty to celebrate Earth Day with barbecues and parades and by leaving tons of trash behind.
I demand that feedlots and farms stop polluting our ground water. That privilege should be preserved for me every time I flush the contents of my toilet into a septic tank or the ocean.
I want to relocate grizzly bears and wolves to the West but not in my big-city backyard. After all, people live here! I give my permission for mountains lions to eat lambs but if a lion eats my dog or cat I demand the abominable beast be shot on sight.
I will cuss oil companies on talk radio and stand in the way of their drilling more wells while sitting in my gas guzzling SUV with the engine running.
I will write letters to the editor on my computer castigating utility companies for not providing enough electricity. At the same time I will send money to green groups who want to tear down hydroelectric dams and stand in the way of any new power producing projects.
I avow at the next cocktail party I attend while smoking a cigarette and sipping a martini that I will sue the tobacco companies for causing my lung cancer.
Although I have never personally milked a cow or grown vegetables in a garden I demand to have a say on how farmers and ranchers do it.
As a pompous hypocrite I demand that water, herbicides, and pesticides be taken away from farmers immediately, but I don't want it to affect the price, quantity or quality of the food I buy in the store. It is my strongly held conviction that we should ban all pesticides, except the can of bug spray I use to kill ants and other unwanted bugs in my home.
As a mealy-mouthed hypocrite I vow to help stop global warming by watching the Discovery Channel on my giant sized television in my air-conditioned house.
I assert that cattle pooping on our nation's grasslands is a national disgrace while fertilizing my urban lawn with steer manure and urea is simply good ecology. I will complain about fertilizer runoff from farms but not from golf courses because I happen to be a golfer.
I will hound hunters in the woods because they use guns despite the fact that hunting groups have increased habitat and wildlife numbers.
I demand that the government end all timber cutting or recovery in our national forests but I'll cry like a singed coyote if the feds allow wildfires to burn near my house.
As a card-carrying hypocrite I disavow the use of fur, leather, wool and all animal by-products, except the ones used in medicine that might save my life.
I demand labels be placed on all food products but not on a rock album that endorses killing cops.
Finally, as an arrogant and self-serving hypocrite I firmly believe that rural folks have done a terrible job of taking care of the countryside and they must do a better job because that's where I want to live or visit someday when I can escape the pollution, crime, and insanity of the barren big city in which I currently reside.
I demand that all commercial fishing be ended, while protecting my right to catch as many fish as I can, and sell them under-the-table to whomever I choose.
I demand that all US farmers be bought out and the land be turned over to productive use or into preserves, but reserve the right to grow as large a garden as I want and sell any surplus under-the-table to whomever I choose.
I demand that any actual farm bought out be given pennies on the dollar, since there are better uses for the money, like additional funding for the National Endowment for the Arts, which I really need and appreciate. I would also really appreciate it if, despite media news to the contrary, those farmers are forced off their land, saving taxpayers like me money.
In addition to demanding "the government end all timber cutting or recovery in our national forest," demand, as a rich hypocrite, that the timber for my new summer home be imported from countries like Russia and Indonesia since they are poor and need money.
I demand that the Federal Government raise taxes on everyone - since I can afford it, and increase the power of the IRS to collect them - including the use of deadly force, while reserving my right to hire an accounting firm to help me avoid paying them.
I demand that the government end mining in the US, as it is terribly hostile to the environment, besides those materials can be easily imported from countries like Russia and China.
I demand that the Federal Government increase the power of trial lawyers, so that I can collect more money when I contract cancer from chain smoking.
I demand that the national news media never tell me anything other than the opinions they want me to believe, else I might have to stop believing I live in a free country with an honest media.
I demand that an Amendment to the US Constitution be added, stating that it is a living document which only federally appointed Judges may interpret, as long as that interpretation reflects the views of the people as stated in the media. However, I reserve the right to do whatever I want, and if I can't, I'll sue.
I demand more high-tech surveillance cameras to catch criminals, since I always obey the law and would never do anything illegal.
I demand the government disband the entire US military establishment, since the Cold War is over. There are better uses for the money, like additional funding for the National Endowment for the Arts, which I really need and appreciate. I'm quite confident that the UN can take care of any trouble that might arise overseas or here from malcontents. All the military assets should be sold to the highest bidder like China, since they are being sold to them now piecemeal - that would add a lot of money to the Treasury which could be put to better use, like hiring more police to protect me from riff-raff like those farmers, fishermen, loggers and miners.
I demand that those malcontents who think the US Constitution is not a living document, who refuse to believe government pronouncements or the media, who want "facts," be sent to re-education camps. There they can learn to lead productive lives and be useful members of society again. This will leave lots of houses and other property for me to buy cheap, which I can then resell to them at market rate, once they emerge back into society. Of course I don't expect to have to pay for these camps - let the malcontents earn their living doing something useful like making license plates or direct sales calls - which I block. They don't need to earn much anyway.
I demand that all my demands become a required part of the national educational ciriculum, since they are reasonable and just, and make me feel good.
I demand that all US farmers be bought out and the land be turned over to productive use or into preserves, but reserve the right to grow as large a garden as I want and sell any surplus under-the-table to whomever I choose.
I demand that any actual farm bought out be given pennies on the dollar, since there are better uses for the money, like additional funding for the National Endowment for the Arts, which I really need and appreciate. I would also really appreciate it if, despite media news to the contrary, those farmers are forced off their land, saving taxpayers like me money.
In addition to demanding "the government end all timber cutting or recovery in our national forest," demand, as a rich hypocrite, that the timber for my new summer home be imported from countries like Russia and Indonesia since they are poor and need money.
I demand that the Federal Government raise taxes on everyone - since I can afford it, and increase the power of the IRS to collect them - including the use of deadly force, while reserving my right to hire an accounting firm to help me avoid paying them.
I demand that the government end mining in the US, as it is terribly hostile to the environment, besides those materials can be easily imported from countries like Russia and China.
I demand that the Federal Government increase the power of trial lawyers, so that I can collect more money when I contract cancer from chain smoking.
I demand that the national news media never tell me anything other than the opinions they want me to believe, else I might have to stop believing I live in a free country with an honest media.
I demand that an Amendment to the US Constitution be added, stating that it is a living document which only federally appointed Judges may interpret, as long as that interpretation reflects the views of the people as stated in the media. However, I reserve the right to do whatever I want, and if I can't, I'll sue.
I demand more high-tech surveillance cameras to catch criminals, since I always obey the law and would never do anything illegal.
I demand the government disband the entire US military establishment, since the Cold War is over. There are better uses for the money, like additional funding for the National Endowment for the Arts, which I really need and appreciate. I'm quite confident that the UN can take care of any trouble that might arise overseas or here from malcontents. All the military assets should be sold to the highest bidder like China, since they are being sold to them now piecemeal - that would add a lot of money to the Treasury which could be put to better use, like hiring more police to protect me from riff-raff like those farmers, fishermen, loggers and miners.
I demand that those malcontents who think the US Constitution is not a living document, who refuse to believe government pronouncements or the media, who want "facts," be sent to re-education camps. There they can learn to lead productive lives and be useful members of society again. This will leave lots of houses and other property for me to buy cheap, which I can then resell to them at market rate, once they emerge back into society. Of course I don't expect to have to pay for these camps - let the malcontents earn their living doing something useful like making license plates or direct sales calls - which I block. They don't need to earn much anyway.
I demand that all my demands become a required part of the national educational ciriculum, since they are reasonable and just, and make me feel good.
No I think assholes would be a better term
