Not sure why I'm posting this...

[Woodrow F Call]

I'm sorry to hear that. I think what you are feeling is a somewhat normal reaction to such an event. That being said, you never really know what is going through someone else's head. Sometimes, it really just doesn't have anything to do with what is "going on in their life", we aren't all the same, we are all wired together a little differently. Sometimes it is in how we are able to process the same information differently. We shouldn't be quick to judge.

 

[Addicting]

It’s tough, being Military I’ve seen my fair share of it. To be honest if it wasn’t for my wife and kids I would just be a statistic. It has taken me a long time and a lot of help at the VA to deal with my demons from Afghanistan. Everyday I try and be thankful for family and being one of the privileged ones to come home in one piece. Physically looking at me you would never know the struggles I’ve faced. I agree with others talking about it is the hardest part.

Love and Hug your family and pray for his family is the best medicine in these situations.

 

[Sytes]

Sorry to hear of your coworker, Brian. I've had a gut punch type of feeling on a couple occasions. Sat and wondered "why?" and had the, "What if I..." reflection moments.
Over time, life slowly saturates the events though never fully. It does however, open my eyes a bit wider and tunes my thoughts towards communication. Not only with those in need though communication in general.

 

[Pucky Freak]

I’ve had two family members and three coworkers commit suicide. Also, I’ve been through some very dark times myself. To a rational person with a clear head, a suicide often seems selfish and senseless. Naturally, you try to make sense of the person’s decision through your own lens.

The problem is that the thoughts of a suicidal person are very often warped, twisted, dark, and irrational. And that’s not the worst of it! Sometimes there is intense unrelenting pain, intrusive horrible thoughts, delusions, voices that aren’t there telling you to do terrible things, and an overpowering desire to die. Chemical imbalance is real, and the brain can do some very weird things when it’s not healthy. Is it any surprise that people who go through these things keep quiet? In our society the media rolls coverage of Trump and the NRA blaming gun violence on “mental illness.” If you reach out for help enough times you’ll get it eventually, but you also risk being labeled a crazy person by your friends, family, blackballed in your career, and the existential threat of having your guns taken away and not being able to hunt and shoot anymore.

Thank God for suicide hotlines and counselors. A lot of suicidal people feel 100% hopeless, and they need someone to help them see otherwise and make it through the darkest times. Generally, anything you say to them is confidential unless you report a plan to harm someone. This is meant to help reduce the barrier for seeking help. Don’t hesitate to contact a hotline or see a counselor if you need to, or encourage someone who seems to be struggling to do the same.

Talking openly about this subject helps end the stigma and shame associated with it, and helps prevent suicides. Having friends and family to talk to goes a long way. It may be uncomfortable to be near someone going through this, and sometimes you try to help and the person kills themselves anyways. This is a hard reality to accept, but at the end of the day the truth is it’s not your fault they died.

I’ll end with a shameless plug for the outdoors. The highest % ever of Americans don’t recreate outdoors at all anymore. I don’t know how they do it. Hunting, fishing, and wild beautiful places are my oxygen.

 

[Oregon_Ryan]

This might have been the 3rd or 4th post about suicide I've seen in the past 24 hours. All of them were men, and the others were mostly ex-military (I am too, so my social media skews towards the vet population). Brian, you have my deepest sympathies on the loss of your co-worker.

Suicide is becoming a major problem in the country, and based on what I've read, the western states are where a lot of the increase is located. Why that is, I don't know, but we have got to start talking with each other about our problems. I've dealt with depression & anxiety most of my adult life, and didn't realize that's what it was until very recently. You take a disease that is "anger directed inward" and couple that with the idea that we should all be "strong and silent, don't complain" and you have a recipe for isolation and letting that overwhelm you. Talk with you family and friends, let them know how you are doing, and find out how they are doing. Don't go it alone.

 

[2rocky]

This might have been the 3rd or 4th post about suicide I've seen in the past 24 hours. All of them were men, and the others were mostly ex-military (I am too, so my social media skews towards the vet population). Brian, you have my deepest sympathies on the loss of your co-worker.

Suicide is becoming a major problem in the country, and based on what I've read, the western states are where a lot of the increase is located. Why that is, I don't know, but we have got to start talking with each other about our problems. I've dealt with depression & anxiety most of my adult life, and didn't realize that's what it was until very recently. You take a disease that is "anger directed inward" and couple that with the idea that we should all be "strong and silent, don't complain" and you have a recipe for isolation and letting that overwhelm you. Talk with you family and friends, let them know how you are doing, and find out how they are doing. Don't go it alone.

Well said. I am alarmed at how many men in the Prime of their life commit suicide. I definitely think being unable to release anger externally contributes in many of these cases. We as men need to learn and teach ourselves and our sons how to constructively release that negative emotion. When I found a woman who told me "Hey it's ok to be angry." Rather than being told expressing anger was not acceptable, it made a big difference in my life.

 

[geetar]

Craziest thing is it’s people no one expects to do it. I mean who expected Jason Hairston a guy who gets to sheep hunt every year and owns a top notch ever growing outdoor company to take his own life. To everyone else he was living the dream but we obviously couldn’t have known what he dealt with inside. Sad! Just love people man. You don’t even know what anyone is going through. Mainly I’m preaching to myself.

 

[Nemont]

Study: Montana retains dubious ranking- top suicide rate in nation

Montana's suicide rate is 29.8 suicides per 100,000 people.

www.ktvq.com

Suicide has touched too many in Montana, including my family, extended family and friends. The act of suicide doesn't end ones pain, it just transfers it to people who have no choice in the matter.

Sorry for losing a coworker and friend.

 

[kansasdad]

Thanks for posting the original thread starter Brian in Montana. Blessings on you and his extended family and friends left to grieve and ponder.

Sunshine, both virtual and actual is good for humankind’s souls. Brain chemistry management is still so often misunderstood, misdiagnosed or just missed, and too often leads to suffering and even death.

 

[Nameless Range]

Powerful and sad thread. Like so many, I’ve been blindsided by suicide and have also been a part of dealing with its immediate aftermath. It is darkness.

I don’t understand it and am sorry, Brian. You are not alone in experiencing those hollow feelings.

 

[LopeHunter]

Demons can be fought. Demons can't always be defeated.

My challenge for years, well decades, was finding a confidant. To share my fears, discuss my setbacks, help plan a way forward. I tend to be the person in the corner reading a book rather than dancing on the table with the lampshade so I took a bit of coaching before could open up with my doctors, spouse and offspring now they are adults. I have no secrets from them. I reach out for guidance and as part of that I listen and make changes. I have a couple of friends that I am closer to than my brothers. Again, no secrets from them.

People can tell you to just be positive. To start smiling. Then, a moment where are a bit more down than normal then the demons come out to play. I am almost 60 and have seen a lot of things. Done a lot of things. Some were not pleasant. I have had setbacks. Health is failing a bit faster than expected.

The more I talk with people that are willing to discuss the good and the bad in my life and their life then the more I realize how boringly normal I am. And I am. But, I got to this realization by talking to confidants. I realize how I was earlier looking back at my life and focusing on what would end up on the cutting room if my life was a movie. I began to focus on the parts that would not end up on the cutting room floor. My movie is pretty, pretty good. Those scenes on the cutting room floor were learning moments and are not in the final cut.

Talk to someone. You may also be boringly normal and focusing on the things that need tossed onto the floor of the cutting room. Listen to your doctor. You can't unsee or undo unpleasant things. You can try to find ways to put them in perspective. Good luck and sorry for the loss each of you have experienced.

 

[TexanSam]

When I found a woman who told me "Hey it's ok to be angry." Rather than being told expressing anger was not acceptable, it made a big difference in my life.

I had a long time girlfriend that would get upset anytime I expressed anger or frustration in a healthy way. This caused me to try and repress it as long as I could, and as elementary school guidance counselors tell you, if you bottle it up for too long, that only makes things worse.

 

[Dougfirtree]

Sorry, Brian. I can imagine that I might have similar feelings if I were in your shoes. Kudos for saying something about it and starting a conversation, which I hope is helpful for you. I've known just enough people who have died by suicide to change the way I think about it. I used to think of it as something that a person chose to do to themselves because of sickness, or trauma, etc. I now think of it as something that sickness, or trauma can to do to a person. The moment of change for me was the death of a former boss and friend. Such a happy, wonderful person with a great life, loving husband. She had a big impact on me. She started dealing with depression as a side effect of menopause, she had never had depression before. She fought against it, but then, all of a sudden, the last person we could imagine doing that, did it. I don't really think that she was herself when she did it.

One other thing: I know that some people have religious beliefs that reinforce this language, but I don't like the term "committed" suicide. And, because my wife is a mental health professional, I know that I'm not alone. Here's an article about why we should change that language, in case anyone is interested: https://www.irmi.com/articles/expert-commentary/language-matters-committed-suicide

 

[Ben Long]

I lost two family members to suicide in 2018. My wife and I were both floored by the news. Of course we look back and think of things we should have done, but in the end its a choice people make for their own, dark "reasons." Montana ranks high in per capita suicides because guns make it easy and because our support system is stretched thin over a big area. I don't have any answers but do believe talking about it is a first step. Thanks for sharing everyone.

 

[lpcoutdoors]

Heart wrenching post and replies. Hate that its happened but glad you did post this, gives so many a chance to join in the thoughts, feelings, prayers, communities, and such that help us remember and or realize life and loneliness in it are so tough. I've been where many of you have talked about being too. Such a sad thing, and hopeful pushes us to pursue our own mental health and thriving and to do anything we can to cultivate environments for others to do the same.

 

[HuntingJudge]

Brian, I have a feeling we know the same person, Its a rough line of work, lots of stress, and lots of negativity. I am sorry for your loss, and the loss on the community he was in.

Most men/people do not put enough importance on Mental health, "Oh I will make it through" its imperative to have people to talk to when you need to talk.

 

[Brian in Montana]

Man, when it rains...

My wife's brother has been in a battle with pancreatic cancer for about the past 18 months. Three weeks ago he declined any further treatment and went into hospice care. We've been expecting a call for a couple weeks; it came early this morning. So instead of going out to Billings for my friend's funeral, I'm staying back to be with family. It's the right thing, of course, but I still feel terrible about missing Chris's funeral. Wow. Hell of a week.

 

[SticksMcKinley]

I've lost a friend to suicide. It's an awful, hollow grief and you may never reconcile it, whatever the circumstances. I know I haven't. All I can say is to suggest you keep talking about it like you are and that time and distance will help. I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[buckbull]

My stepson committed suicide a year ago after dealing with mental health issues for 6 years. Its always a shock but I had dreaded that phone call for years.

 

[WyoDoug]

Hard to handle, I know from experience but I am no expert on the subject and can't offer any advice except try to be a good listener. I had a niece try to kill herself with aspirin OD. I do agree with others that it's easier to talk to someone about it even if all they can do is be a good listener. Right now, I know of several in my old unit that committed suicide or attempted it.