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Life's advice and phrases....

"Just because I've ordered doesn't mean I can't look at the menu"
My dad when I caught him checking the waitress out at Dennys.
 
A few of my late Grandpa's

"It's better to be pissed off than pissed on. It's better to be pissed on than stood on and pissed off of."
"If you can't drink while you're there, you better be drunk by the time you get there."
"The definition of diplomacy: Telling someone to go to hell and having them look forward to the trip."
"They've been educated far beyond their ability to learn"
 
"Opinions are like A**holes, everyone has one and most of them stink!"
--I don't know who said it first, but I find it to be true
"Raise good kids, that way you don't have to raise your grandkids"----from one of my patients raising her grandkids
 
Begin in the way you intend to go (and its various similar phrases)

My wife heard this somewhere years ago and we find it applicable in many areas of our life. If you don't want your kids to be spoiled brats, teach them manners and don't spoil them when they're young. If you want to be debt free and have a positive net worth, don't spend a bunch of money on credit cards. So on and so forth. Think about how you want to live and who you want to be and start now rather than trying to correct later.
 
I used this one in a text message to my wife yesterday and I found it funny after I sent it. "It's not out of the way if I go that way."
 
From Bumpy
Jesus Christ Junior your almost as dumb as your mother
 
Another from Bumpy
Your good at so many things just don't piss me off and become an as_ Hol_
 
Duck blind wisdom from Dad to my (then teenaged) brother:
"If it feels right- it probably is, and if it feels wrong, it probably is." And "Son- quit thinkin' with your penis." Different days, equally memorable.

But an older story is from when he intended to propose to his girlfriend at the time- his dad was out hoeing the garden, as he often did, and my dad said "I'm gonna ask her to marry me". Silence. Eventually, my dad couldn't stand it and asked "Well?! What do you think?!" His dad briefly stopped hoeing, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Never stand in the path of a man headed for hell." And then went back to hoeing.
 
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