Hunting in Harmony?

[shannerdrake]

You seem like an all around good dude Visiting Hunter. A lot of guys should probably be asking you for hunting/spouse advice. However, humility is a paved path for wisdom so I respect the desire to do better even when you are doing well.

One thing I will add that I haven’t seen posted already is communicate and bring her in on it. By that I mean a lot of guys seems to assume that their wife understands that turkeys gobble in April, elk bugle in September, and bucks rut in November and just expect her to carve time out for all of that. That’s not how it works. What I try to do is every year (before any of it happens) have a discussion where we talk about what’s on the horizon. Such as - “I think I could draw that CO ML tag I’ve been banking points for. How does our September look? How do our finances look?”

You wife is statistically as smart as you, has as many ideas, emotions, wants, desires, passions, etc. as you do. Yet I’m always amazed how many guys don’t engage that side of their wife.

I bring my wife “in on” my hunting plans instead of acting like it’s some dirty secret.

Lastly, I make sure she has something to look forward to when I’m hunting. I get her a day at the spa every time I’m gone for more than a couple days. She loves it but will never spend the money on herself to do it. How can I drop thousands a year chasing animals but can’t “afford” for her to get a massage? Sounds crazy but I bet I’m in the minority.

Good luck this year!

 

[Foggy Mountain]

No my wife isn't like that at all... if its a last min thing she might have me bring a kiddo or something to ease some pressure, but she has never been mad she just kinda gives me shit more or less for being gone on the 2 week trips... I mean I just couldn't last min plan a big trip with my kids anyway... but the short weekend stuff is no biggie, if she had some chores she wanted me to get done, she knows they will still be done if not that weekend she asked by monday or Tuesday night depending on how big of project.. she's cool as long as I get it done and don't push it off untill she has to ask again... but my wife isn't like that... she's let's me go... I'm just kinda asking what else can I do lol I have more plans I want to do within the next few years and that will definitely be taking a bit more time, multiple states, and another country with her dad. It helps her dad was doing the same stuff so she knows what it means to him... and she knows it's more of a down the line in a couple years plan... but its always good to be ahead of the curve... just kinda seeing if there's anything in here that some guys are doing that I might not be and could be... I feel like I'm pretty respectful and making sure my wife's needs and wants are met.. but its important to me she knows she's respected and not taken for granted either...

Just do the right thing by her all year and expect the same from her. Listen idk if you drink, drug or run around with strippers but if not she could do lots worse. Remember that. BOTH of you matter and have value

 

[Foggy Mountain]

You seem like an all around good dude Visiting Hunter. A lot of guys should probably be asking you for hunting/spouse advice. However, humility is a paved path for wisdom so I respect the desire to do better even when you are doing well.

One thing I will add that I haven’t seen posted already is communicate and bring her in on it. By that I mean a lot of guys seems to assume that their wife understands that turkeys gobble in April, elk bugle in September, and bucks rut in November and just expect her to carve time out for all of that. That’s not how it works. What I try to do is every year (before any of it happens) have a discussion where we talk about what’s on the horizon. Such as - “I think I could draw that CO ML tag I’ve been banking points for. How does our September look? How do our finances look?”

You wife is statistically as smart as you, has as many ideas, emotions, wants, desires, passions, etc. as you do. Yet I’m always amazed how many guys don’t engage that side of their wife.

I bring my wife “in on” my hunting plans instead of acting like it’s some dirty secret.

Lastly, I make sure she has something to look forward to when I’m hunting. I get her a day at the spa every time I’m gone for more than a couple days. She loves it but will never spend the money on herself to do it. How can I drop thousands a year chasing animals but can’t “afford” for her to get a message? Sounds crazy but I bet I’m in the minority.

Good luck this year!

That’s good advice

 

[corndog1]

I do lots of dishes

 

[Stifler]

You seem like an all around good dude Visiting Hunter. A lot of guys should probably be asking you for hunting/spouse advice. However, humility is a paved path for wisdom so I respect the desire to do better even when you are doing well.

One thing I will add that I haven’t seen posted already is communicate and bring her in on it. By that I mean a lot of guys seems to assume that their wife understands that turkeys gobble in April, elk bugle in September, and bucks rut in November and just expect her to carve time out for all of that. That’s not how it works. What I try to do is every year (before any of it happens) have a discussion where we talk about what’s on the horizon. Such as - “I think I could draw that CO ML tag I’ve been banking points for. How does our September look? How do our finances look?”

You wife is statistically as smart as you, has as many ideas, emotions, wants, desires, passions, etc. as you do. Yet I’m always amazed how many guys don’t engage that side of their wife.

I bring my wife “in on” my hunting plans instead of acting like it’s some dirty secret.

Lastly, I make sure she has something to look forward to when I’m hunting. I get her a day at the spa every time I’m gone for more than a couple days. She loves it but will never spend the money on herself to do it. How can I drop thousands a year chasing animals but can’t “afford” for her to get a message? Sounds crazy but I bet I’m in the minority.

Good luck this year!

I like this one, my wife is alot in the same she won't treat herself or seems to feel bad about it... I'm definitely going to add the spa day treatment in my future plans. I like that. Thank you. And I agree I think alot of guys take for granted or mention it once then expect for them to remember 8 months later... it's important on getting those plans out early and make sure everyone is able to work around eachothers plans. She knows Idaho is a go this year and it's right around her birthday so that's already been considered on my end... the trip dates are still up in the air... but she also knows NM is not a great chance to draw. She knows it could happen, and is willing to add that in if I did happen to draw. Agreed you have to keep them in the loop. But also not be so buggy about it sometimes I can get a bit hyper focused on it and have to catch myself and be sure to not just be trying to talk fishing and hunting too... I appreciate that, I don't know if I'm one to give advice on the topic... I just had 2 toxic parents that gave me a good idea on what not to do. It also can't hurt trying to be a little bit better for her and the kids, trying to see what some others might do that helps them. I refuse to ever think I'm perfect or couldn't improve something...

 

[TOGIE]

a buddy of mine had an a-ha moment when we were talking and he realized all the time he spends golfing in a year about equals all the time i spend hunting in a year. he doesn't get to hunt much.

priorities and an understanding spouse. but, your spouse won't be understanding if you're not understanding first.

 

[Stifler]

Just do the right thing by her all year and expect the same from her. Listen idk if you drink, drug or run around with strippers but if not she could do lots worse. Remember that. BOTH of you matter and have value

Nah, I got my partying and bad behavior out of the way in highschool... my mom was a addict so didn't really give a shit what I was doing... our house was raided by the Missouri River task force, the night before I graduated. Suga Seans dad gave me a nice talking too but didnt put any charges on me. Then about a month later my uncle shot himself in a probation and parol check... I just met my wife and just made a choice 12 years ago that's not the life I want to live. And my wife was a goodie toochu so that helped. My only addiction now is chew. Hoping to cut it out here by April. But it's got me still.

 

[shannerdrake]

a buddy of mine had an a-ha moment when we were talking and he realized all the time he spends golfing in a year about equals all the time i spend hunting in a year. he doesn't get to hunt much.

priorities and an understanding spouse. but, your spouse won't be understanding if you're not understanding first.

Exactly. I don’t golf ever (for many reasons). I also don’t fish as much as I want. I am also protective of my non-hunting time. That belongs to the family. I have turned down multiple jobs and opportunities to serve on boards and committees that would require me to to spend additional time away from home.

Mid-summer camping/fishing trip to get away from the family? No sir.

Mid-summer camping/fishing trip WITH the family? Sign me up.

 

[shannerdrake]

Nah, I got my partying and bad behavior out of the way in highschool... my mom was a addict so didn't really give a shit what I was doing... our house was raided by the Missouri River task force, the night before I graduated. Suga Seans dad gave me a nice talking too but didnt put any charges on me. Then about a month later my uncle shot himself in a probation and parol check... I just met my wife and just made a choice 12 years ago that's not the life I want to live. And my wife was a goodie toochu so that helped. My only addiction now is chew. Hoping to cut it out here by April. But it's got me still.

I’m a huge fan of Grinds. It’s a coffee product that I have seen help a couple people get off chew. I also like it during hunting season. I get my coffee fix without having to deal with the brewing/transport/water, etc.

I used to enjoy a cigar or chew in a duck blind or during turkey season. But mostly just Grinds now.

 

[Stifler]

I’m a huge fan of Grinds. It’s a coffee product that I have seen help a couple people get off chew. I also like it during hunting season. I get my coffee fix without having to deal with the brewing/transport/water, etc.

I used to enjoy a cigar or chew in a duck blind or during turkey season. But mostly just Grinds now.

I appreciate the tip. I will have to give it a try.

 

[The Hedgehog]

 

[Foggy Mountain]

Nah, I got my partying and bad behavior out of the way in highschool... my mom was a addict so didn't really give a shit what I was doing... our house was raided by the Missouri River task force, the night before I graduated. Suga Seans dad gave me a nice talking too but didnt put any charges on me. Then about a month later my uncle shot himself in a probation and parol check... I just met my wife and just made a choice 12 years ago that's not the life I want to live. And my wife was a goodie toochu so that helped. My only addiction now is chew. Hoping to cut it out here by April. But it's got me still.

Well your story is similar to mine. That’s why I talk about consideration. Everyone likes to say communication is the main thing. It’s not. It’s consideration. My kids will/have never experienced what I did cause I consider how it could affect them. Count it as a blessing you’ve changed. Now for the chew? I chewed prob 30 years. I had brain surgery and was in the hospital a long time. No one would buy me any dip. Once I got out I just did a day at a time staying away. 7 years now. Gotta admit I still wanna get just more one can. Can’t even smell it, makes me want it more. So idk how old you are but one more thing. Idk if you wanna have kids. A thing I thought of while lying in the hospital is how hard it was on my family. They didn’t think I’d make it and I was in surgery over 10 hours. I don’t feel good bout putting anyone through that. Imagine if it was self inflicted. Imagine I did something like smoke or chew that put my kids, my brothers through that?
Consider that next time you buy a can. Imagine your kids are young and they find out you’ve got a problem God forbid. Imagine you’re not there to protect them later on? Consider who might wind up raising your kids??
Sounds like you really value your wife. Consider her too. I hope those words help you brother

 

[Stifler]

Well your story is similar to mine. That’s why I talk about consideration. Everyone likes to say communication is the main thing. It’s not. It’s consideration. My kids will/have never experienced what I did cause I consider how it could affect them. Count it as a blessing you’ve changed. Now for the chew? I chewed prob 30 years. I had brain surgery and was in the hospital a long time. No one would buy me any dip. Once I got out I just did a day at a time staying away. 7 years now. Gotta admit I still wanna get just more one can. Can’t even smell it, makes me want it more. So idk how old you are but one more thing. Idk if you wanna have kids. A thing I thought of while lying in the hospital is how hard it was on my family. They didn’t think I’d make it and I was in surgery over 10 hours. I don’t feel good bout putting anyone through that. Imagine if it was self inflicted. Imagine I did something like smoke or chew that put my kids, my brothers through that?
Consider that next time you buy a can. Imagine your kids are young and they find out you’ve got a problem God forbid. Imagine you’re not there to protect them later on? Consider who might wind up raising your kids??
Sounds like you really value your wife. Consider her too. I hope those words help you brother

32 in April. yeah 2 kids and are alot of why I want to stop more and more. But that's a fair point and good way to put it.

 

[Foggy Mountain]

Best of luck w it bud

 

[FairWeather]

I’m glad to see conversation, because I often get the impression that folks around here must all be professional hunters/guides with how often/long they are hunting, and the money they spend to do so.

For myself, I’m still kind of figuring it out. I just picked up hunting 3 years ago, and my wife and I have been married for 10, so it’s a new dynamic. With that in mind, I’ve been very intentional to not let it be too disruptive to our “normal”, and minimize any inconvenience to her.

I don’t take off for days/weeks, rather I exclusively do day hunts. We have 1 vehicle that we share, so I try to do most of my hunting in the morning when she’s still asleep and couldn’t need the car anyway. I stay close to home; no out of state hunting for me, but I don’t see the allure of it regardless. I buy the majority of my gear secondhand to keep costs down.

I have taken off work for the last week of deer season the last 2 years, which has meant that she had to request to work from home that week. For this I am grateful, that she would make that request just so I can partake in my (admittedly unnecessary) hobby.

I may be slipping away for a weekend this spring to join some folks at bear camp. Not sure how that’ll play out. She’ll probably need to drop me off/pick me up, and I’ll just get around on bike for the hunt.

 

[Elky Welky]

Pursuing your passion without sacrificing your relationships and responsibilities

I think we all can agree time management can get tricky with life, or atleast certain times of life. What are some things that help you?

Being single and having an inside cat instead of a dog has been great. Far less stress when I leave for long hunting trips. I can usually leave out enough food and water, and give a friend a spare key if the hunt is going to go long. The cat is good for a few days alone.

Also, my policy when it comes to September Weddings: Absolutely Not.

 

[jmcd]

I can tell you from experience, having a wife or SO that doesn’t understand your need to get outdoors is one of the worst predicaments you can find yourself in. Thoroughly vet that shit BEFORE the “I do.” That’s the best way to hunt in harmony.

 

[Elky Welky]

I can tell you from experience, having a wife or SO that doesn’t understand your need to get outdoors is one of the worst predicaments you can find yourself in. Thoroughly vet that shit BEFORE the “I do.” That’s the best way to hunt in harmony.

I like to say this is why I am still single.

But really, some of the most important parts of my litmus test for a potential partner is if she enjoys eating game and salmon. I have too much of it to waste a joint bank account on extra protein (or worse, "plant-based" food) that we wouldn't need.

She doesn't need to hunt/fish, but she does need to respect who I am as a hunter/angler and what I, quite literally, bring to the table. And I would absolutely reciprocate that respect for who she is and what she offers.

My dad spends a week at Elk Camp every year, and my Mom goes on a trip to Spokane to see a broadway musical and rack up credit cards shopping. They completely support each other's passions, and it has worked for 35 years.

 

[WapitiBob]

 

[Sheltowee]

Having an understanding spouse is the most important thing IMO. If she doesn’t understand my desire to hunt, then I don’t understand her desire to bake or knit. Kinda like she mops my floors and I cut her grass. She bakes me peach cobbler and I make her deer burgers.

We also do enjoy the time spent away from each other to an extent. We’re introverts by trade so spending a little bit of time separated is good for our marriage. But, we always do a vacation every year and make sure it doesn’t pertain to hunting.

I got a good one in that respect. She supports everything I do about hunting. Questions a lot of what I do but she’s the first one next to me on any bad decision. Just like when she spent $500 on baking good. No idea why she did it but she was happy and I was next to her cleaning cookie sheets.

Hold up, your wife is a knitter too? I used to think I hoarded reloading components until I saw my wife’s yarn stash. Now she’s getting into spinning her own out of raw wool?