Hunting and Bipolar

Pucky Freak

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Iowa
Hunt journal for 2023 season I’m going to highlight living with disability/ mental illness. I was recently diagnosed with anxiety/PTSD, and bipolar disorder. I started treatment with medication in December, and I also have talk therapy 1-2 times a week.

I’ve had mood problems since high school, and anxiety showed up a couple years later. Symptoms are intermittent, and only rarely have been debilitating.

This changed on 11/15/22, the final 13-mile leg of packing out my bull elk. Woke at 4 AM, up and back down the mountain, struck camp, then on the road home before sunset.

Unfortunately, only a few hours later I smoked a whitetail on the highway and totaled my truck. This ended up being the last straw on top of many dozens of traumatic events I have lived through my public safety career since 2009.

The last five months have been a nightmare with symptoms. It’s been a roller coaster of two manic highs and two deep depressions. The transition from mania to depression is slow and I do get some nearly symptom-free days during that period, which is a welcome reprieve.

Treatment does help. A lot. I regret waiting so many years to start, though. I have a medication follow up
tomorrow. I’m optimistic about efficacy of treatment long-term, although it can take months or years to find the right medications.

Right now I’m getting my butt kicked by very low energy, low motivation, and leaden fatigue/paralysis. Turkey season is underway, but going hunting is not possible for me at the moment. There are still four more weeks of the season and I really hope I can get well enough to get out there, even for just a few hours. My daughter is ready to tag along now.

My wife has been amazing. She has had to be both mom and dad nearly all the time, for months, plus she’s the full-time caregiver for a family member with Alzheimer’s. On top of that, she’s told me to go hunt when I’m able to. That will be a hard gift for me to accept… My greatest desire is to give her some relief.
7D4B13A2-1442-41D0-886F-68B238D95B0A.jpeg803803CB-95D3-44F8-BE62-E5ED9AAEF962.jpeg

My employer has been supportive of my health. This is huge, as I’d really be in hot water without that support. I’m working on getting some necessary accommodations in place, as well as intermittent FMLA for when I need it.

For the fall, I have enough points to draw WY deer. Doe antelope is a long shot. Last year for me was 100% public land hunting, and it’s shaping up to be the same this year as well.

Hunt while you can, folks. The next season is not promised.
 
You’re doing the right steps. For me it was great Providers and changing the scene that helped most.

My career was the catalyst that kept it going strong in my mind. The VA comp and changing to a less stressful job has greatly reduced symptoms over the last 3 years.

Enjoy the simple victories as your recovery progress, everyone is different. For me, no longer getting night sweats, dry pillows, pillows with cases still on in the morning, …. All led to a place where I am able to say I am happy.

You can get there, it just takes listening, following directions, and not quitting. No matter how frustrating it seems.
 
Some stat’s show the average Police Officer experiences 700 critical incidents in their career compared to the average person who experiences 2 in their lifetime.
Continued stress over a career in this field is a given. No way to avoid it. Over time it takes a toll on most in many ways.
As mentioned by @DanWyo, you’re not alone.
Stay the course of seeking help. There’s no shame in that, or what you’re going through.
 
Some stat’s show the average Police Officer experiences 700 critical incidents in their career compared to the average person who experiences 2 in their lifetime.
Wow, I had no idea it was that high. I knew the 2 statistic, but not the 700. As a first responder I’m sitting at about 60, and am on track for triple digits by retirement. Most of those were 2010-2013 when I had a high volume assignment with multiple homicide cases. I knew long-term I wouldn’t hold up, so I made a lateral move.
 
That's a bold story to tell. It's great that you're on the mend. I have a brother in law that had major, major violence issues with his bi-polar. He did a little jail time but during that time he came to the realization that he was the only one that could make him get the help he desperately needed. He realized that once he got balanced out that no matter how good he felt, he had to stay with the meds. It's probably been since 2007 since he got it under control. Hang tough, you will love yourself for it.
 
I always enjoy your posts. Wishing you the best. Sounds like you are on the right track already. We're all looking forward to reading more of your upcoming adventures when you are able to get back after it!
 
Been there. Lost my 14 year-old son 12 years ago. After he died I had a couple of breakdowns and hospitizations. When I came home my poor wife was so worried. One day after work she was in tears. She thought I would off myself when she was out of the house. She wanted the guns gone. I compromised by disabling each of them and giving her the parts. A few weeks before she died in a car accident ten months after my son, she gave me the magazine cap for the shotgun so I could hunt geese. Years later when I wanted to resume hunting big game I couldn't find the bolt to my Springfield. Searched everywhere. Turns out she hid it in the back of my socks drawer. Very clever.

Good luck. If you're on meds, be careful about trying to cut back without doctor's advice. Can be scary.
 
Bi-polar can be subtle or dramatic and violent. For me it manifests in starting creative things or projects when I'm up and then struggling to finish them when I'm down.
There are so many abandoned projects around here. Like many, the demands of completing things on schedule at work left me exhausted and personal projects faltered.
Then you end up in a cycle of guilt as you look around at the unfinished stuff.

I was in a 24x7 on call high stress job. Doc said I had to reduce my stress or lose everything. I moved to a low(er) stress position at work about 18 months ago and it has been a healing process.

MRS has a checklist I have to run through before I start a project now.

Line Item one:
Is this more important than one of your unfinished projects?
 
Last edited:
Hunt journal for 2023 season I’m going to highlight living with disability/ mental illness. I was recently diagnosed with anxiety/PTSD, and bipolar disorder. I started treatment with medication in December, and I also have talk therapy 1-2 times a week.

I’ve had mood problems since high school, and anxiety showed up a couple years later. Symptoms are intermittent, and only rarely have been debilitating.

This changed on 11/15/22, the final 13-mile leg of packing out my bull elk. Woke at 4 AM, up and back down the mountain, struck camp, then on the road home before sunset.

Unfortunately, only a few hours later I smoked a whitetail on the highway and totaled my truck. This ended up being the last straw on top of many dozens of traumatic events I have lived through my public safety career since 2009.

The last five months have been a nightmare with symptoms. It’s been a roller coaster of two manic highs and two deep depressions. The transition from mania to depression is slow and I do get some nearly symptom-free days during that period, which is a welcome reprieve.

Treatment does help. A lot. I regret waiting so many years to start, though. I have a medication follow up
tomorrow. I’m optimistic about efficacy of treatment long-term, although it can take months or years to find the right medications.

Right now I’m getting my butt kicked by very low energy, low motivation, and leaden fatigue/paralysis. Turkey season is underway, but going hunting is not possible for me at the moment. There are still four more weeks of the season and I really hope I can get well enough to get out there, even for just a few hours. My daughter is ready to tag along now.

My wife has been amazing. She has had to be both mom and dad nearly all the time, for months, plus she’s the full-time caregiver for a family member with Alzheimer’s. On top of that, she’s told me to go hunt when I’m able to. That will be a hard gift for me to accept… My greatest desire is to give her some relief.
View attachment 272158View attachment 272159

My employer has been supportive of my health. This is huge, as I’d really be in hot water without that support. I’m working on getting some necessary accommodations in place, as well as intermittent FMLA for when I need it.

For the fall, I have enough points to draw WY deer. Doe antelope is a long shot. Last year for me was 100% public land hunting, and it’s shaping up to be the same this year as well.

Hunt while you can, folks. The next season is not promised.
Well you have the guts to ''come out'' and start treatment.....good on ya !!!!!
I used to commercial fish with an old fellow, his son ,now retired,was a high school teacher and fished in summer months....his oldest daughter, from about 15 years old to early 20's she was a handfull...FINALLY a doctor said she is bipolar and started treatment....today,still takes treatment in several forms......and is a registered nurse.....I watched the highs and lows from a distance......amazing how things have gotten so much better!!! I hope you do realize itWILL get better. Glenn
 
@Pucky Freak, I deeply respect and admire your honesty and courage and humble self-awareness, and am glad you’re on the road to recovery. You putting it out there for others to read will help those in similar situations. Thank you for doing it. Respect to you and I hope nothing but good things for you and your family.
 
Gastro Gnome - Eat Better Wherever

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