Carl 9.3x62
Well-known member
I think its good to open up and talk about it, even if its on a hunting forum. I am thankful to see the encouragement being given here.
Divorce, do you ever see it coming...
- Thread starter 300stw
- Start date
belshawelk
Well-known member
my boss got divorced after many years and kids. He lost most of his retirement ( and he had a lot). Lost the house, cabin and basically got cleaned out and started over at 55 years old. I still remember what he told me.
“ you know why divorces are so expensive..... because they are worth it. Happiness has no price“.
I have been married 30 years and hope it never happens.
“ you know why divorces are so expensive..... because they are worth it. Happiness has no price“.
I have been married 30 years and hope it never happens.
devon deer
Well-known member
Really sorry to hear that 300stw, I remember my wife sitting at the top of our stairs saying after 2 weeks of marriage 'I've made a terrible mistake!' I think my words were 'grow up and get over it', treat em mean keep em keen, actually that last statement couldn't be further from the truth, 34 years later we are still going strong (I think and hope so
) whilst we have had arguments (who hasn't?) I know when I have over stepped the mark, we are good communicators, I think that does help.The most difficult thing I have found is when the kids leave home, that took some adjusting to for both of us, there is a big void, and now my son has found the love of his life, my wife has something new to adjust to!
Dave N, that sucks mate, I know the place in Alaska was your dream, keep your chin up buddy.
Richard
PA deer hunter
Active member
Had the rug jerked out from under me after 7 years. Focused on hunting and work. Spent time with good friends and family. Raised my daughter alone. Found my soul mate in the process. Been together 25 years now. It does get better, trust me. Plod along, things do happen for a reason. Best wishes for you. You always have friends here !
TheGrayRider
Well-known member
Hire a good lawyer and CPA as soon as possible. They will help you from getting raped by the opponent’s counsel. Unfortunately, in a divorce, you have to treat the financial aspects the same as splitting up a business. Separate the business aspects from the personal and emotional aspects.
Sorry to hear about your situation. I have been lucky. I got married later in life. (Late 30’s.) We signed a prenuptial agreement. My wife threatened to leave me once, years ago, and I told her “Don’t let the door hit you in the ass!” She never tried to pull that stunt again. I love her too death. I am blessed! Good luck, TheGrayRider.
Sorry to hear about your situation. I have been lucky. I got married later in life. (Late 30’s.) We signed a prenuptial agreement. My wife threatened to leave me once, years ago, and I told her “Don’t let the door hit you in the ass!” She never tried to pull that stunt again. I love her too death. I am blessed! Good luck, TheGrayRider.
Scrappy
Well-known member
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2017
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300stw
Well-known member
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2008
- Messages
- 863
amazed at 20 years of kids, great times, no real fighting ever, numerous discussions about future, retirement, life, Montana prairie is a desolate place, never really needed many friends as I had my greatest friend and partner for all aspects, family 1100 miles away , my boy in military for 5 years, tuff road at the moment,,,,
anyway I needed a place to vent, look for advice, ect,,,, thanks everyone
anyway I needed a place to vent, look for advice, ect,,,, thanks everyone
MN_Bowhunter4
Well-known member
My first one ended in divorce after 4 years, so not anywhere near the equity you'd built. I didn't see it coming, until she started seeing someone on the side. Things got bad for a year or two as we tried to work through it but things weren't salvageable. What really helped me was counselling. I learned that relationships are a choice and you can't make someone choose it, period. She chose otherwise, and that was not my fault.
Fast forward a few years and I'm engaged to a woman with whom I am deeply in love and absolutely adore. We compliment each other in every way. I can't imagine being happier than I am right now.
Moral of the story is it sucks, certainly. But stay strong and know that good things will come for you and your emotional scars will serve you well at some point. My divorce was literally the best thing that ever happened to me.
Fast forward a few years and I'm engaged to a woman with whom I am deeply in love and absolutely adore. We compliment each other in every way. I can't imagine being happier than I am right now.
Moral of the story is it sucks, certainly. But stay strong and know that good things will come for you and your emotional scars will serve you well at some point. My divorce was literally the best thing that ever happened to me.
Lots of good advice here. So sorry that both of you guys are going thru this! I was totally blindsided by my wife having an affair, even though I should have seen the signs. Spent a year trying to keep her and keep the family together (3 young children). She just kept choosing her new fun lifestyle and I kept trying to hold it together and play detective every day so I could bust her in another lie. It consumed me. I finally had to end it. It was a relief and a sad day at the same time. We get along OK now and the kids got through it, but admit they still have scars. I have a wonderful wife now who loves me but I still wish it all had never happened for my kid's sake. Point is, life is gonna suck, for quite a while, you have a lot to get through, but never give up! Always take the high road and think of how your kids will see you. Don't be that evil person that part of you wants to be so that you can get even, or "win". You will now find out what things in life matter and what things don't. I'm glad you reached out, keep doing that here or with family, or with counselors, but especially with God! Peace be with you!!
Schaaf
Well-known member
300stw, Let me know if you’re up for a beer and someone to talk to.
npaden
Well-known member
Sorry to hear. My wife and I talked about this last night. We have been married 26 years and several of our friends that have been married about the same amount of time have gotten divorced in the last few years.
Seems like the kids leaving the nest is a trigger in many of the divorces that we've seen. I always wonder if there was something wrong all along and they stuck it out for the kids, or if the sudden emptiness from the kids leaving caused them to realize that they really didn't have much in common other than raising the kids.
I'm sure there are hard times ahead, but the sun still comes up and the world is a beautiful place. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?
Thoughts and prayers are headed your way.
R
rwc101
Guest
Unfortunately, I'm going through one at the moment. I saw it coming for a few months. I was so focused on trying to provide a decent life for a disabled partner on one income that I didn't realize how the stress of that turned me into a really unpleasant person to be around. I have been going to therapy despite my reservations. The best thing I've learned is to actively gauge how I am feeling, how I react to those feelings, and how my reaction affects others. Recognize and correct any unhealthy reactions to all the feelings that come with a divorce. It would have saved my marriage had I learned it earlier, but it is also beneficial in getting through the divorce as healthily as possible. The void that's left when someone you love walks out is indescribable.
Addicting
Well-known member
I’m praying for both of you.
I am hopeful that it stays adults and the childishness stays out of the process.
Dave my heart really goes out to you. There were a lot of us on here that were very jealous of your new place in Alaska. Hopefully when this is over you can recover and get back up there for the stuff you love.
I am hopeful that it stays adults and the childishness stays out of the process.
Dave my heart really goes out to you. There were a lot of us on here that were very jealous of your new place in Alaska. Hopefully when this is over you can recover and get back up there for the stuff you love.
This is solid advice and exactly what I did to get over a cheating wife. As stated, it does get better! Let us know what you need.
Thanks.
Crazy. I don't know the details and nuances, so I won't even try to comment. We are coming up on 25 years this year. It amazes me how many people we know who have divorced, sometimes in situations like you've described.
My prayers to you.
kylemcintyre67
Well-known member
My first wife left me at the 6 year mark. Told me the uncompromising manner that I lived my life is what gave her the courage to be her true self and come out of the closet. I was still in the Army at the time and had been in Korea for almost a year. Had to make the move to El Paso a month later not knowing anyone. It was a very dark time. I did not handle it well and it took years to rebuild myself. I felt so much shame and embarrassment that I was reluctant to reach out to friends and family from back home. I spent a lot of time thinking about suicide. I still deal with anxiety left over from it that effects my new marriage. It was well over ten years ago. I was able to claw my way out with the help of my new wife and her endless patience. I know a lot of folks think it's better coming out of the blue, but it can be very hard. Utilize your support network don't push them away. Also don't be afraid to see a professional counselor. I eventually found my way out of the darkness, there was no reason for me spend so much time in it. It was my own cowardice that prolonged the pain. This is going to be rough for a while, please don't go down the same road I did.
kylemcintyre67, good advise there! It has been 10+ years since my divorce and I too can still catch myself wallowing in the sadness from it. All it takes is for something from that time to come back to mind, or find something I wrote during those dark days. We can choose to stay in that place for the day or more and feel like chit, or we can choose to go outside, mow the yard, go to the gym, a walk in the woods or go fishing. Point is when you guys see yourselves headed down that road, break yourself away from it literally and go do something positive. Nothing good will come from staying in that mental place, shed your tears, then dust yourself off and go fishn! It's amazing how many of us have been down this road. Peace be with you all !
Steelsearchin
Well-known member
Great advice there. 30+ years ago I grew up in Emerson’s small Michigan church, before he and Sarah decided to leave the church, write a book, and begin doing speaking tours/conferences. Great guy who had a hard childhood, but I guess iron sharpens iron.
Thank God I’ve got no personal experience with it, but I’ve had some of my closest friends and family go through it- some with kids, some without. Each one was unique, and all of them sucked. In all but two of the instances, the husbands saw it coming. People say marriages are like a second job, but my argument to that is you can quit a job and find a new one without it ruining a portion of your life.
Prayers sent for all involved. If you’re past the point of reconciliation, lawyer up and just know the process will go slowly and take a toll on your emotional and financial wellbeing. If it comes to it, your new “normal” may take a while to get to. Good luck.
Irrelevant
Well-known member
My grandma, at 93, married for 72 before my grandfather passed away, said a marriage is the hardest and more rewarding thing you'll ever do in your life. She put it above raising kids because of the shorter time frame, and while frustrating, relative ease in her mind.
I can say that for us it gets easier with time, but only if you continue to make the time and find the effort to resolve issues instead of kicking the can down the road. But it's never easy. I highly recommend marriage counseling, there's no shame is asking for help.
