Elkhunter
New member
Very good QD. That was well put. Thanks!
Dear Pets
- Thread starter Elkhunter
- Start date
Quick Draw
New member
Dear Pets;
When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not switch positions
with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I
fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your
comfort.
Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a
ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched
out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails
straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize
space used is nothing but sarcasm.
My cd's and dvd's are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open. When I exit this room, I will
come out the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using
bathrooms for years. Canine/Feline attendance has never been necessary.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other animal or your
butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for
you.
In return for your following these simple rules, I have posted the
following message on our front door:
Our Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our
Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for
money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never
drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or
drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your
clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get
pregnant, you can sell the results.
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you've decided to
see beyond the imperfections.
Quick Draw
When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not switch positions
with each other so there are still two of you in the way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in
the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming
your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I
fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your
comfort.
Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a
ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched
out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails
straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize
space used is nothing but sarcasm.
My cd's and dvd's are not miniature Frisbees.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open. When I exit this room, I will
come out the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using
bathrooms for years. Canine/Feline attendance has never been necessary.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other animal or your
butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for
you.
In return for your following these simple rules, I have posted the
following message on our front door:
Our Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our
Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who
is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for
money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never
drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or
drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your
clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get
pregnant, you can sell the results.
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you've decided to
see beyond the imperfections.
Quick Draw
Quick Draw
New member
Some emails I get i just ahve to post. And this one I've been trying to decide weather or not to post it. And I guess we all know which part of me won that debate...LOL
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New member
Mine too. My spoiled little babies...LOL
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