Dad Joke thread

[Huntkook]

Had a dog once that drank some gas, started spinning in circles running all over the place then just feel over and lay there. Kids: Did he die? Me: Nope just ran outta gas.

 

[LuketheDog]

My wife: "I need to run to the store to get some groceries"
Me: "It would be faster if you drove"

...That slays my kids

 

[44hunter45]

Had a dog once that drank some gas, started spinning in circles running all over the place then just feel over and lay there. Kids: Did he die? Me: Nope just ran outta gas.

Mrs45 says her uncle owned a gas station in the 1950's and loved to spring this joke on people.

 

[44hunter45]

A Priest, a Minister, and a Rabbit walked into a bar.
The Rabbit says, "I'm pretty sure I'm a typo."

 

[44hunter45]

My wife: "I need to run to the store to get some groceries"
Me: "It would be faster if you drove"

...That slays my kids

My grandmother was from West Virginia and never learned to drive. She used to ask us, "Would you ride me over to the store?"
We all just died over that.

 

[TheGreek]

Did you hear about the bad accident Willy Nelson was in?
He got hit by a bus, playing on the road again.

 

[TheGreek]

You know those big round hay bales you see some places? They got outlawed in some states, horses couldn’t get a square meal.

 

[TwistedSage]

What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe

 

[Hilljackoutlaw]

Used to drive by this round barn like once a year going to a hunting store and my Grandpa would always say you know a guy died in that round barn. ..he couldnt found a corner to pee in.

 

[MarvB]

I tell dad jokes, but I don't have any kids. I'm a faux pa.

Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color? He had a reptile dysfunction.

I wanted to go on a diet, but I feel like I have way too much on my plate right now

 

[Bgriffith]

What did the salmon say when he hit concrete?...
Dam!

 

[2rocky]

 

[Irrelevant]

I hate it when my wife says "Are you listening to me?"
What an adversarial way to start a conversation.

 

[Treeshark]

What did the 0 say to the 8?

Nice belt...

 

[rwc101]

Me: We're out of toilet paper.
Dad: No shit?

 

[2rocky]

 

[fmnjr]

My son or wife: Look what happened! I cut myself, banged my knee, dropped a dish, etc.

Me: You shouldn't do that again.

My son or wife: Something really stinks.

Me: That's just your upper lip.

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her.

 

[WildWill]

 

[MThuntr]

 

[2rocky]