Ithaca 37
New member
Mature - Who Am I
One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.
"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the mailman comments.
Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 AM Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing, "WHO AM I?"
The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"
"Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."
"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four or five times."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sisters
"Mr. Avery, don't leave it too late. I have exactly the girl you need. Say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says the Matchmaker.
"Don't bother," replies Mr. Avery, "I've two sisters at home who look after all my needs."
"That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife."
"I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were mine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car."
-- Carrie Snow
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top 16 Country Songs
16. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long
15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
12. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well
11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
8. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here
7. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison By Now
6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him
5. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Was Pure
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer
1. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With Ugly Women, but I've Sure Woke Up With a Few.
My favorites: "I paid for those shoes you're walking out on me in" and "I worked my fingers down to the nubs, you took the money and bought gold plated golf clubs"
How about posting your favorites?
One Monday morning a mailman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.
"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the mailman comments.
Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 AM Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing, "WHO AM I?"
The mailman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"
"Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."
The mailman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."
"Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four or five times."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sisters
"Mr. Avery, don't leave it too late. I have exactly the girl you need. Say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says the Matchmaker.
"Don't bother," replies Mr. Avery, "I've two sisters at home who look after all my needs."
"That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife."
"I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were mine."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car."
-- Carrie Snow
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Top 16 Country Songs
16. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All Day Long
15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me
13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
12. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well
11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better
10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight
8. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here
7. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison By Now
6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him
5. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Was Pure
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer
1. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With Ugly Women, but I've Sure Woke Up With a Few.
My favorites: "I paid for those shoes you're walking out on me in" and "I worked my fingers down to the nubs, you took the money and bought gold plated golf clubs"
How about posting your favorites?
