Coffee at home

[Gellar]

My morning cup is a blend of melted glacier ice cut with the tears of emotionally distraught grizzly bears in a cryogenically sculpted diamond mug, stirred at an rpm of 50, with Stalin’s straight razor.

The beans are usually artificially flavored hazelnut. Medium roast. Either that or whatever brand is that green can on sale at Albertsons.

Add a little powdered French Vanilla Creamer and you have achieved the summit of coffee’s Mt. Everest.

How do you pull your pants on with balls that big?

 

[Gerald Martin]

How do you pull your pants on with balls that big?

Gen 2 Commando Kilt - Sport Kilt

Gen 2 Commando kilt from Sport Kilt. Rugged, stylish, and durable for camping, workwear, sports and leisure.

sportkilt.com

Why do you think the grizzly is crying?

 

[OntarioHunter]

I like to max out the percolator in terms of the coffee it will hold, and run it for 45 minutes until I basically have some sort of soup.

That blackest of coffee is strong and thick. So much so that it must be watered down with whiskey.

Coffee soup? Bet your dentures look like shit ... literally.

 

[OntarioHunter]

Folger's is OK... but as soon as the Canadian Border is open, it will be Tim Hortons for me !!!!!

Are you kidding? Tim Hortons coffee is absolute swill. The crap they sell in cans is worse. TH had passable coffee back in the days before Burger King took them over. I think there's too much tree bark and mule turds in their blend these days.

 

[Otto Matic]

Does your FIL have nice hair? I'm finding it's often correlated to how long it takes someone to make coffee.

I'm bald and drink Folgers out of a 4 cup Mr. Coffee. Does that make ME a weirdo? !
My little el cheapo pot has a timer set for 6AM. When I hear it gurgling, I know it's time to get up!
....and I dang sure don't have to WAIT for my coffee!
My in-laws DID NOT drink coffee! !
If I wanted coffee in the morning, I had to bring my own fixin's!
...and if I left pot and coffee for next time, when I returned, it had been relegated to some obscure corner and covered with my semi-hoarder mil's crap until i didn't want to to use it!
At my house, the fil would stand around and sniff my coffee maker and say how much he loved the smell, then turn his nose up when offered a cup.
Never did get used to my morning caffeine out of a soft drink!
Even in the dead of summer, I "still" want hot coffee in the morning!

 

[Otto Matic]

Coffee soup? Bet your dentures look like shit ... literally.

What difference does it make to you?
You don't have to kiss him in the morning!
That's just rude.

 

[MarvB]

Well I talked to the “barista daughter” and evidently this is how she’s got her old man set up- I grind the beans she sends me myself and the carafe thingy is a “pour over” type. I then follow her rules (again this is home, when hunting all coffee needs to be to qualify is hot!):

* Use good cold filtered water (if you don’t like drinking your home water, don’t make coffee with it)
* Measure your coffee- use 2 tablespoons of ground coffee for every 6 ounces of water
* Water temperature needs to be between 195 degrees – 205 degrees.
* Pour just enough water over the grounds (wet not saturated) to let them bloom (they get puffy). After 30-45 seconds continue the pour over. This will get the most flavor from your coffee.

She’s currently feeding me this out of Portland:

But the last stuff she sent at Christmas which was REALLY good was this:


That’s as far a journey down the rabbit hole as I’ve made....

 

[davinski]

French presser here too. I grind my own, add salt, cinnamon, ginger to the grounds and butter into the coffee cup. Nothing I can buy out in foo-foo coffee land tastes any better. A local shop air-roasts their coffee beans in this big copper-plated rube goldberg air roaster thing that spits the husks out the side so you don't get any of their bitter taste. Their winter blend is so good we drink it all year. NM pinion coffee is pretty darned good too.

On the trail or in a real hurry, the starbucks instant sticks make a hot, black, caffeinated beverage that keeps away the caffeine headache. It's a taste that's distant enough from MRE instant coffee it doesn't produce flashbacks from Army days.

 

[OntarioHunter]

What difference does it make to you?
You don't have to kiss him in the morning!
That's just rude.

I was just kidding. Obviously. Note the emoticon. I'm sure no one was offended. Unknot your shorts.

 

[OntarioHunter]

Here's my coffee grinders. The wooden one came from the old country with my late wife's great-grandparents when they homesteaded the Sask prairie in 1900. My mom and dad gave me the blue one as a PhD graduation gift. They thought it was antique ... but it's not. Still, the better of the two because it has a hopper that can be closed. Bean pieces pop out of the old timer. It is also pretty much worn out. Difficult to get consistency in the grind. Getting whole coffee beans of any sort here is not easy.

 

[noharleyyet]

Maxwell House..Tom Petty's recipe. Might hafta try Gerald Martin's next....sounds spendy tho

 

[Gellar]

Maxwell House..Tom Petty's recipe. Might hafta try Gerald Martin's next....sounds spendy tho

It sounds like the commando kilt is a pretty integral part of the recipe.

 

[noharleyyet]

It sounds like the commando kilt is a pretty integral part of the recipe.

Plaid robe'll hafta do...

 

[Gerald Martin]

Maxwell House..Tom Petty's recipe. Might hafta try Gerald Martin's next....sounds spendy tho

Genuine artifacts to replicate my recipe are cheaply and conveniently procured from Amazon.

Shipping is from China though, so you will need to be patient.
Nothing truly great comes quickly or easy. Isn’t that what we all learned as kids?

 

[noharleyyet]

Genuine artifacts to replicate my recipe are cheaply and conveniently procured from Amazon.

Shipping is from China though, so you will need to be patient.
Nothing truly great comes quickly or easy. Isn’t that what we all learned as kids?

I'll simply add the items to my current China Leupold @94% off Facebook order....what could go wrong

 

[Otto Matic]

I was just kidding. Obviously. Note the emoticon. I'm sure no one was offended. Unknot your shorts.

It's rubes like you that think they can smooth over their crass statements with the addition of a "emoji". !

 

[Gerald Martin]

It's rubes like you that think they can smooth over their crass statements with the addition of a "emoji". !

Inclusion of emojis is part of communication. They provide vital clues to the tone of the written word to convey the writer’s intent.

Grow thicker skin, boomer.

 

[Otto Matic]

Started drinking coffee in east Texas.
My mom could brew a pretty good cup of coffee. Same thing every time.
Then I moved to New Orleans, LA!
Waitress asked, "Light or dark?"
Huh? "Uhh...light I guess."
EGADS! DID YOU POUR MY COFFEE OUT OF A ROOFERS TAR POT????
Great Caesars ghost am I glad I didn't say dark!
A couple of months in NOLA, I visit back in east Texas!
"Mom, this isn't coffee. It's just warm, light brown water!"
Two years later, I leave NOLA!
I discovered that what I thought made you tough in Texas, Lone Star beer, Camel cigarettes and plain black coffee can't hold a candle to Dixie beer, Picayune "lung crushers" and Sea Port chicory coffee!
I tried a total of 2 (TWO!) cups of "dark" coffee. Never got the nerve to try demitasse and was way too broke to get away from the Dixie beer (pour it back in the horse!).

P.S. - though I tried, could NOT handle the Picayune smokes!

 

[Otto Matic]

Inclusion of emojis is part of communication. They provide vital clues to the tone of the written word to convey the writer’s intent.

Grow thicker skin, boomer.

How did we ever communicate pre-emoji's? Hand signals? ?

Boomer?
HA!
No "boomer sooner" here!
Just a relocated Texican!

Q: Ever wonder why Texas doesn't slide out into the Gulf of Mexico?
A: Oklahoma sucks!

 

[Otto Matic]

GerMar,
Some people also use emoji's in a not so nice way.
Like a can sometimes be substituted for a...well, you know!