2024 - A Restless Brain

Smiling big at what just happened. But also a bit of shock, not bad shock, just really did not expect to find what I just found after already watching for some time what I just found (don't lecture me on better glass. I freaking know I need to upgrade!)

Did not expect to be doing any trigger pulling on this day and the regrets are zero. A lot of work to do and a lot to do quickly if I'm gonna make it home in time to help out with the toddler when he wakes up from his nap at 4 pm.

I really felt that this was a godsend. An incredible blessing and a gift to some hard times and the beginning of a journey to some mental healing on my part. I know that my mental health problems pale in comparison to some and some on this very website. I want to be very clear how often I think about that and how I feel for those people. And, not that i'm trying to minimize in relevancy or seriousness what i'm dealing with and other folks who dealing with similar things, but in some respects I feel like I'm dealing with the "first world problems" in mental health compared to the magnitude and debilitating nature of what others have to deal with, and I feel for them.

For many reasons, this is a pretty special deer.

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Great story, deer, smile, and rifle.

Refreshing to hear a story with purpose!
 
It’s interesting how we all convince ourselves we’re the only one that suffers through these things. Turns out just about everyone can identify with it in some way, shape or form. Glad you chose to take action, are on a positive trajectory, and are able to really appreciate that hunt and buck. Congratulations!
 
Nice buck @TOGIE !

I had a period of extreme anxiety after my first kid. It was debilitating. Never really had much sympathy for it till I experienced it myself. She was a surprise and my wife and I weren’t mentally prepared for what we were getting ourselves into. Looking back, I realize now I was just way over analyzing everything. Now I just try and focus on what’s in front of me one day at a time.

 
A great buck that will hopefully remind you of your journey towards the one day you had to chase him every time you see him on your wall or enjoy a meal with your wonderful family. Excellent write up!
 
That's a nice forked forkey.

Your hunt last year really related to me and for a couple years now my wife has told me she thinks I have a form of ADHD. A lot of similar characteristics shown as how you described, I don't think I have much on the depression side but the constant mind discussions can be exhausting and debilitating.

It has gotten better since within the last year I've talked to the wife more about the things I've kept silent and that has helped a lot now that someone else is in on my thoughts and struggles.

Another thing that has helped is changing the purpose of which I do things. If I go out to hunt with the purpose of enjoying being outside and not about killing then I feel a lot better than with the purpose of I have to kill something because I don't know if I'll have time to go again or what if the dog hunters run through my piece of property and run the deer off, and countless other thoughts that would only bring anxiety that would be compounded if I didn't get anything.

Thanks for sharing and being open to the community for us all to learn and aspire to be.
 
A lot of similar characteristics shown as how you described, I don't think I have much on the depression side but the constant mind discussions can be exhausting and debilitating.

My therapist and I spent a chunk of time discussing that Wyoming elk hunt last year. And it's those mind discussions that she really keyed in on. I kept telling her how different it is when I'm with someone. Her response to that was having someone with you provides interruption and distraction; allows your mind to move on from things, or never even start in the first palce. Alone, I have no interruption, no off switch, no natural way to move one from the discussion in my mind and down the toilet they continue to swirl.

I think the nature of and the nuance in what is sparking the mind discussions can be a differentiator between ADHD and depression. Interestingly, the elk hunt discussion actually occurred after my official diagnoses, and what I could gauge from my therapists reaction (cause we haven't finalized this discussion yet) is she see's more depression symptoms in what she hears me tell her about my solo hunting. But, depression symptoms also commonly manifest in folks with ADHD, apparently. So, we're still teasing that apart.

Nonetheless, I would like to add something to this story regarding meds. I feel my story kind of implied that I found the ticket with meds. I have not.

I have found something that certainly seems to provide a bit of relief but absolutely no silver bullet. The most noticeable difference I ever felt was on that day of hunting and getting that buck. I had never felt such ease in decision making, such a lack of anxiety about adding complexity to the situation to get it right, and even though I'm a fit guy who ran a trail marathon this spring (and doesn't do too bad at them), I've never felt such ease in plodding about the hills. That said, in day to day life, the benefits are less obvious, but they are there. We're also on a low dose and we'll see what happens when we ramp up a little here shortly.

Another thing, I want to do some MD shopping for these discussions on meds. My primary care is being helpful, but, and no offense to those many internal medicine/primary care type MDs, he's a stereotypical doctor. Little interest in long discussion, quick appointments, get in toss a new bottle at ya and get out, tell me how ya feel in a few weeks.

That's not to say he's not been helpful. But, I'm about to go psychiatrist shopping to find someone that is steeped in the nuances of psychiatric medication and really interested in sitting down with me a long the way.

Now, got a couple cow tags left. Here's to hoping one of them gets notched.
 
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My therapist and I spent a chunk of time discussing that Wyoming elk hunt last year. And it's those mind discussions that she really keyed in on. I kept telling her how different it is when I'm with someone. Her response to that was having someone with you provides interruption and distraction; allows your mind to move on from things, or never even start in the first palce. Alone, I have no interruption, no off switch, no natural way to move one from the discussion in my mind and down the toilet they continue to swirl.

I think the nature of and the nuance in what is sparking the mind discussions can be a differentiator between ADHD and depression. Interestingly, the elk hunt discussion actually occurred after my official diagnoses, and what I could gauge from my therapists reaction (cause we haven't finalized this discussion yet) is she see's more depression symptoms in what she hears me tell her about my solo hunting. But, depression symptoms also commonly manifest in folks with ADHD, apparently. So, we're still teasing that apart.

Nonetheless, I would like to add something to this story regarding meds. I feel my story kind of implied that I found the ticket with meds. I have not.

I have found something that certainly seems to provide a bit of relief but absolutely no silver bullet. The most noticeable difference I ever felt was on that day of hunting and getting that buck. I had never felt such ease in decision making, such a lack of anxiety about adding complexity to the situation to get it right, and even though I'm a fit guy who ran a trail marathon this spring (and doesn't do too bad at them), I've never felt such ease in plodding about the hills. That said, in day to day life, the benefits are less obvious, but they are there. We're also on a low dose and we'll see what happens when we ramp up a little here shortly.

Another thing, I want to do some MD shopping for these discussions on meds. My primary care is being helpful, but, and no offense to those many internal medicine/primary care type MDs, he's a stereotypical doctor. Little interest in long discussion, quick appointments, get in toss a new bottle at ya and get out, tell me how ya feel in a few weeks.

That's not to say he's not been helpful. But, I'm about to go psychiatrist shopping to find someone that is steeped in the nuances of psychiatric medication and really interested in sitting down with me a long the way.

Now, got a couple cow tags left. Here's to hoping one of them gets notched.
A good plan. It took 2 specialists three years to get the right mix for our daughter. At one point she was on 4 different meds - 2 just to mask side effects of one of the others. Now she is down to one. And that one seems to be the answer (at least for now). Getting someone who really understands how all these things interact and when meds are needed and when not is a key step.
 
ADHD + Depression. Is that what they call it when one checks out for about 2 months, buys 30 vintage fishing reels off ebay and spends every waking moment taking them apart down to the last screw and refurbishing them one after another after another for no real reason? After spending hundreds of hours each year planning western hunts, successfully drawing tags, then dreading one’s upcoming elk and deer hunts enough to just send them back? Not picking up a bow or rifle or shotgun most of the summer and fall and not hunting even once by mid Nov, or caring to? Leaving a pile of landscaping river stone and mulch in the driveway half unspread for months, amongst many other half completed or unstarted jobs around the house?

Asking for a friend! LOL.

Yeah, much of what you said is VERY relatable, and each of us doing the relating will have to navigate it as best we can. Socializing and talking about it helps. Being alone too much, or overloaded with too many stressors at home or work hurts. I think it’s part of the pendulum of life at times, and some parts of the swing are tougher than others. So long as one doesn’t get stuck for too long in one spot, everything should work out, but getting some help to get unstuck, if and when needed, is brave and wise. Keep at it!
 
Congratulations, @TOGIE . You’ve done a lot more than taken a great buck. You’ve shared a story that will help many gain confidence to take the same steps forward you have made.

Thank you for sharing your story here. Great members sharing valuable insights is what adds value to Hunt Talk. I greatly appreciate your willingness to share your path here, even with the vulnerability of doing so.
 
My therapist and I spent a chunk of time discussing that Wyoming elk hunt last year. And it's those mind discussions that she really keyed in on. I kept telling her how different it is when I'm with someone. Her response to that was having someone with you provides interruption and distraction; allows your mind to move on from things, or never even start in the first palce. Alone, I have no interruption, no off switch, no natural way to move one from the discussion in my mind and down the toilet they continue to swirl.

I think the nature of and the nuance in what is sparking the mind discussions can be a differentiator between ADHD and depression. Interestingly, the elk hunt discussion actually occurred after my official diagnoses, and what I could gauge from my therapists reaction (cause we haven't finalized this discussion yet) is she see's more depression symptoms in what she hears me tell her about my solo hunting. But, depression symptoms also commonly manifest in folks with ADHD, apparently. So, we're still teasing that apart.

Nonetheless, I would like to add something to this story regarding meds. I feel my story kind of implied that I found the ticket with meds. I have not.

I have found something that certainly seems to provide a bit of relief but absolutely no silver bullet. The most noticeable difference I ever felt was on that day of hunting and getting that buck. I had never felt such ease in decision making, such a lack of anxiety about adding complexity to the situation to get it right, and even though I'm a fit guy who ran a trail marathon this spring (and doesn't do too bad at them), I've never felt such ease in plodding about the hills. That said, in day to day life, the benefits are less obvious, but they are there. We're also on a low dose and we'll see what happens when we ramp up a little here shortly.

Another thing, I want to do some MD shopping for these discussions on meds. My primary care is being helpful, but, and no offense to those many internal medicine/primary care type MDs, he's a stereotypical doctor. Little interest in long discussion, quick appointments, get in toss a new bottle at ya and get out, tell me how ya feel in a few weeks.

That's not to say he's not been helpful. But, I'm about to go psychiatrist shopping to find someone that is steeped in the nuances of psychiatric medication and really interested in sitting down with me a long the way.

Now, got a couple cow tags left. Here's to hoping one of them gets notched.
Prescribing psych meds is less exact than what your PCP is used to. Neurochemistry does not have a check engine light and code reader. There can be some trial and correction as your prescriber hones in on results you want. Also there are physiological variables that are affected by meds and lifestyle. Sleep is a prime example. Most people have more stable moods when their sleep is adequate. Some antidepressants improve sleep in some people. The stimulants typically used to tread ADHD can interfere with sleep. It can feel like Whack-a mole. Psychiatric prescribers are better educated and trained in these nuances than PCPs. In CO, psych prescribers are psychiatrists, nurse practitioners and some psychologists. If your PCP is not getting you the results you want w psych meds, most are happy to refer to a specialist in psych meds. Starting treatment is the highest hurdle, it gets easier and more effective as you progress. Kinda like hunting, for a calmer mind.
 
Keep up the good fight, man. Putting stuff out in the open, the struggles do lose some of their power. We realize how much we really are not alone, and the response from others is so often supportive, and not so judgmental and second-guessing that we quietly endure within our own minds.

Meds are a long game. Not uncommon to take a few years to land on the right combo for depression since every individual’s response to them can be so different. I had a couple missteps w/ providers until I landed a fantastic MD psychiatrist who really knows their stuff and can zero in on the nuances of combining different medications.

Last year for me was quite the rollercoaster on meds. This year I haven’t made any changes but had to deal with weight gain side effects. Next year who knows what is coming.
 
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