2024 - A Restless Brain

[Addicting]

Letting the smoke dissipate is a good analogy. Along this journey you will learn your triggers. Identifying them helps tremendously, when you feel them coming in you can shift or try and change the script.

I was on meds for 3-4 years before I felt comfortable weaning off. Things are a lot better now but I still have to do regular maintenance. My doc said even the best cars need a tune up every so often. I make it a point to talk about when I feel it’s needed.

I applaud you for starting down this road and being open about it. It’s a tough decision but one that IMO the rewards outweigh the cost.

 

[TOGIE]

I gain the point in the ridge that is a local low with a small cliff and looking directly down on the deer. I drop my pack and inch forward rifle in hand until I can just barely see over it. I can see deer milling about. I see a big one standing broadside about where I left the big forky and pull out my binos and take a look.

Oh *&^%... that......

is not a forky.

Everything just changed and changed quickly. I'm pulling out my rangefinder, trying to put in my ear plugs, and rack a round basically all at the same time.

170 yards. Inch forward and rest the rifle across the cliff edge.

Settle the cross hairs and I squeeze the trigger. There was no hesitation here.

He doesn't go far, a bit of saunter, you could tell he wasn't right. Then lays down.

 

[VikingsGuy]

I read a marriage book once that made an interesting analogy as to why marriage is such a challenging relationship for everyone that enters into it. The author described every individual as being filled with small cracks, these cracks being character flaws. Getting married is like driving an overweight truck across a bridge with all these cracks in it and they widen and deepen. Marriage didn't cause the cracks, but it made them impossible to ignore.

I've realized mental health is very similar. The issues may have always been there but been a functional non-issue. But as life becomes more challenging the mental health cracks widen and deepen, becoming impossible to ignore.

A flash point in this was my General elk hunt in Wyoming last year, a hunt plagued by anxiety and worry. Particularly anxiety and worry about nothing in particular and especially nothing in particular that warranted such worry or anxiety. A daily mental spiral that paralyzed my ability to do the job I set out to do, literally and figuratively. This culminated in me bailing on going after some nice bulls I found in some hell holes and settling on a spike elk in a much easier spot. I don't regret how that turned out. But the degree to which my brain continually fell apart last fall while out there alone and the magnitude of my inability to enjoy myself on many days gave me pause in retrospect.

It wasn't the elk hunt alone that made me wonder more about what might be wrong, it was all over my life. I was constantly feeling fatigued regardless of how much i slept, intense restlessness in my brain, rampant forgetfulness, and anger. The anger was interesting. I'm described by everyone I know as a very calming quiet presence and rather patient. But it was the way I would randomly snap and just be so angry about either trivial things or things that didn't warrant the response.

I talked to my doctor many times over the years thinking there must be something wrong with my thyroid or other hormones. My blood tests were always immaculate and every doctor visit resulted in nothing of concern.

So, this summer I decided (with the prodding of my wife) to start seeing a therapist. Never thought I would sign up for therapy, but again, last years elk hunt was still a bit of flashpoint and the increasing stress of life was making my problems impossible to ignore. The worst of it, I felt, at least in my mind, I was not the husband and father I always want to be.

It didn't take long, my therapist had some hunches right out of the gate. A few sessions and some formal tests later I was diagnosed with ADHD and Depression.

A brave man looks inside himself and seeks help. Congrats for showing the courage to engage in something that for too long men have been lied to about and fooled into believing it shows weakness. It is the weak man that hides his true self in fear of the judgment of other weaker men. It is strong man, a loving man, that seeks to understand himself to make himself a better man, father and husband. And thanks for leading other men (and women) to new learnings by sharing your story. Stay safe and shoot straight when you have a tag in your pocket.

 

[TOGIE]

Smiling big at what just happened. But also a bit of shock, not bad shock, just really did not expect to find what I just found after already watching for some time what I just found (don't lecture me on better glass. I freaking know I need to upgrade!)

Did not expect to be doing any trigger pulling on this day and the regrets are zero. A lot of work to do and a lot to do quickly if I'm gonna make it home in time to help out with the toddler when he wakes up from his nap at 4 pm.

I really felt that this was a godsend. An incredible blessing and a gift to some hard times and the beginning of a journey to some mental healing on my part. I know that my mental health problems pale in comparison to some and some on this very website. I want to be very clear how often I think about that and how I feel for those people. And, not that i'm trying to minimize in relevancy or seriousness what i'm dealing with and other folks who dealing with similar things, but in some respects I feel like I'm dealing with the "first world problems" in mental health compared to the magnitude and debilitating nature of what others have to deal with, and I feel for them.

For many reasons, this is a pretty special deer.

 

[noharleyyet]

Good buck...

 

[MT_elk]

Congrats!

 

[longbow51]

Wow, nice buck. Congrats.

 

[npaden]

Not a forky...

 

[SwaggyD]

Congrats, @TOGIE

 

[seeth07]

From forky to that is quite the step up! Congrats!

 

[Addicting]

That’s a 4 forkie. Congrats, it’s a great deer.

 

[Nick87]

Solid buck. Nice job.

 

[MTGunner]

At times a person may need a break from stress albeit
it can never be a total break nor should be when it comes to family. I find that reading stories here on HT from really good people is therapy from this old man. Thank you all.
I did not get to hunt much season ‘23 as my wife had some serious health issues. Quite frankly my desire to hunt didn’t equate to my desire to see my bride of 53 years get healthy as possible. Now, season ‘24 she needs a hip. My hunting takes a back seat to her needs. I can hunt locally but not each day. She is my priority.
Stress has a way of making each day a cluster “F” at best. But, nothing is as important than family. My bride is my life! My family is #1.
Do I have a restless brain? Oh hell yes! If I could turn my restlessness into sleep would be a god send. But, I am a realist. Got to square my shoulders and bear the weight of such. March on honorable soldiers. MTG

 

[TOGIE]

A brave man looks inside himself and seeks help. Congrats for showing the courage to engage in something that for too long men have been lied to about and fooled into believing it shows weakness. It is the weak man that hides his true self in fear of the judgment of other weaker men. It is strong man, a loving man, that seeks to understand himself to make himself a better man, father and husband. And thanks for leading other men (and women) to new learnings by sharing your story. Stay safe and shoot straight when you have a tag in your pocket.

Thank you, VGuy. Appreciate those words.

 

[VikingsGuy]

Thank you, VGuy. Appreciate those words.

My very best friend, a friend I would take a bullet for, struggled with mental health demons much of his life. His mother mocked any suggestions from my mother or me that my friend seek help. When he had cratered much of his life he final sought help in his late 30s. There was an immediate turn around. Over the course of the next few years he was able to right the ship and actually become quite successful at work and with his wife/kids. He was the best of himself - the him I always valued as a friend but saw too infrequently as the years added up. In a moment of optimism he shared with his mother the root of his turn around -- a counselor and anti-depressants. She again mocked him and did so fairly frequently after that at family things. At some point he actually stopped going to counseling and taking the meds due to her never ending disapproval. He slowly started to darken, started to make bad choices again, things started back down a road those who cared for him had seen before, we feared for the worst. Thankfully his wife finally convinced him to trust the path. He went back to healthy choices and again was on the right side of life. But he never spoke to his mom again about the topic.

We have to get the word out to men that anger, disappointment, anxiety, resentment and depression are not the normal state of affairs. Life isn't always rosy and it can be damn tough for the best of us at times, but being permanently "gray" is not how god intended you to live. There is help. There is treatment. Seek it out. It can change your world. It can save your family.

 

[CRJR45]

Great buck !

 

[CPAjeff]

Congrats on a great buck!

Most of us, whether we'll admit it or not, have our own little demons and/or issues. Facing the demons/issues and doing whatever it takes to conquer them is something to be proud of, not ashamed of. May your future be full of happiness as you continue to conquer!

 

[VikingsGuy]

My very best friend, a friend I would take a bullet for, struggled with mental health demons much of his life. His mother mocked any suggestions from my mother or me that my friend seek help. When he had cratered much of his life he final sought help in his late 30s. There was an immediate turn around. Over the course of the next few years he was able to right the ship and actually become quite successful at work and with his wife/kids. He was the best of himself - the him I always valued as a friend but saw too infrequently as the years added up. In a moment of optimism he shared with his mother the root of his turn around -- a counselor and anti-depressants. She again mocked him and did so fairly frequently after that at family things. At some point he actually stopped going to counseling and taking the meds due to her never ending disapproval. He slowly started to darken, started to make bad choices again, things started back down a road those who cared for him had seen before, we feared for the worst. Thankfully his wife finally convinced him to trust the path. He went back to healthy choices and again was on the right side of life. But he never spoke to his mom again about the topic.

We have to get the word out to men that anger, disappointment, anxiety, resentment and depression are not the normal state of affairs. Life isn't always rosy and it can be damn tough for the best of us at times, but being permanently "gray" is not how god intended you to live. There is help. There is treatment. Seek it out. It can change your world. It can save your family.

And sorry for flogging the horse - but this goes triple for our men and women who have served in uniform in harms way for our benefit. If you see a vet in pain - help them find help - it's out there - they have earned it.