Ithaca 37
New member
One day my housework-challenged husband
decided to wash his Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry
room, he shouted to Me, "What setting do
I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it
say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Alabama."
And they say blondes are dumb...
-----------------------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the
world"
The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
--------------------------------
"It's just too hot to wear clothes
today," Jack says as he
stepped out of the shower, "honey, what
do you think the neighbors would think
if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your
money," she replied.
_______________________
He said - Shall we try swapping positions
tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you
stand by the ironing board while I sit
on the sofa and fart.
_______________________
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good
looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
_______________________
A man and his wife, now in their 60's,
were celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary. On their
special day a good fairy
came to them and said that because they
had been so good that
each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the
world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had
airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30
years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
__________________
A PRAYER....
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat
him to death.
AMEN
________________________________
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
__________________________________
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
________________________________
Q: What does it mean when a man is in
your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
_________________________________
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill
their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
___________________________________
Q: Why do men whistle when they are
sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they
need to wipe.
_____________________________________
Q: What is the difference between men and
women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her
every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy
his one need.
________________________________
Q: How do you keep your husband from
reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction
Manuals"
__________________________________
decided to wash his Sweatshirt.
Seconds after he stepped into the laundry
room, he shouted to Me, "What setting do
I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it
say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Alabama."
And they say blondes are dumb...
-----------------------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the
world"
The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
--------------------------------
"It's just too hot to wear clothes
today," Jack says as he
stepped out of the shower, "honey, what
do you think the neighbors would think
if I mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your
money," she replied.
_______________________
He said - Shall we try swapping positions
tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you
stand by the ironing board while I sit
on the sofa and fart.
_______________________
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good
looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
_______________________
A man and his wife, now in their 60's,
were celebrating their
40th wedding anniversary. On their
special day a good fairy
came to them and said that because they
had been so good that
each one of them could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the
world with her husband.
Whoosh! Immediately she had
airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30
years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
Gotta love that fairy!
__________________
A PRAYER....
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat
him to death.
AMEN
________________________________
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
__________________________________
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
________________________________
Q: What does it mean when a man is in
your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
_________________________________
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill
their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
___________________________________
Q: Why do men whistle when they are
sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they
need to wipe.
_____________________________________
Q: What is the difference between men and
women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her
every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy
his one need.
________________________________
Q: How do you keep your husband from
reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction
Manuals"
__________________________________
