Spending Habits

[MNDeerHunter]

I have a question for the married guys out there.

For those who have a wife that has a passion for decorating the house and furnishing it with things she loves - how do you explain that the excess things that she buys are really for her and not for "us"?

For example, if a couch is purchased for $1000, but I would have been perfectly happy with a $500 couch - how do you explain that the $500 excess is really related to her happiness?

It seems lately when I try to explain that I would like to cut back on spending so I can save each month for a trip next fall (or for new hunting gear), the rebuttal is "I am buying these things for "our" home for "us"". We are a very happy couple, I'm just wondering how you fellas with some more experience handle these discussions without creating more issues...

 

[blb078]

Explain to you that a $500 couch(or whatever) would be for "us" too and it will do the same as the $1000 couch, maybe try to do a comparison of a BMW to a Toyota, both will work one is just nicer and that $500 is just more frills and doesn't add any practicality. Then maybe try to split it with a 750 couch leaving you 250 to save. So I guess try to find out what the bare minimum is for the item you are buying in this case if it's a $500 couch that will do the job and you're fine with that and she's wants the 1k couch split the difference and you have to come up and deal with something fancier and she has to come down but will still get something better than a $500 couch. If that don't work then I don't know what to tell you, she's just not being reasonable maybe, explain that both of you need to be happy but that doesn't mean one of you gets to buy fancy things all the time, that goes for both sides not just her wanting a nicer couch.

 

[Speeddmn]

Easy, happy wife, happy life.


Also just stash a little here and there in the sock drawer!

 

[Big Sky Dreamin]

I have a question for the married guys out there.

For those who have a wife that has a passion for decorating the house and furnishing it with things she loves - how do you explain that the excess things that she buys are really for her and not for "us"?

For example, if a couch is purchased for $1000, but I would have been perfectly happy with a $500 couch - how do you explain that the $500 excess is really related to her happiness?

It seems lately when I try to explain that I would like to cut back on spending so I can save each month for a trip next fall (or for new hunting gear), the rebuttal is "I am buying these things for "our" home for "us"". We are a very happy couple, I'm just wondering how you fellas with some more experience handle these discussions without creating more issues...

Explain things, to my wife, with logic? Blasphemy! I've explained to her for years her makeup and clothes are for other women not me. And she still claims its for me. Like a dog to a fire hydrant, she's just marking territory.

All I could think to do is tell my wife that if its for "us" then she should listen to my input. By the way the couch in our living room is 12" too short for me and is contrary to my recommendation.

Good luck. Let us know if you find a legit rebuttal to her desires for "you."

 

[LopeHunter]

Having a budget system gets buy in overall for the household including your hunting trips. Fighting a battle over how each $100 us spent puts you in the position of nagging kid (if spouse wins these disagreements) or of domineering parent (if you win). Take away the battles and have one war per year as build the budget for the following year. Is hours of work to build a realistic budget since need to see what you actually spent on items that in total are significant but in passing do not seem so. Heck, gifts for wedding, birthdays, anniversaries, etc, can add up over a year but not seem that significant as are deciding what to get the nephew for his birthday.

Build a realistic budget. Do expect that if you want $3000 a year for hunting gear, tags, ammo, etc, that the spouse will have a similar amount for spa treatments or whatever. She may never fully understand why you want to pay $50 a pound for deer meat and you may never understand why anyone needs to spend $300 on a purse.

Get the budget down and you can spend your energy on things that build up your relationship rather than weaken it with resentment and regret.

Anyway, what works in my household may only work in my household. I drop no less than $2500 a year on applications, tags and licenses. Most of the hunts I draw are out of state and I usually draw 2 - 4 hunts each year. This year was about $12K out of pocket as hired guides on two hunts and had two critters shoulder mounted and one as a Euro. Had to buy some gear. Have travel costs on all four hunts. Just finished my Coues hunt so hunted 4 tags, got 3 animals and about 220 pounds of meat. You can figure out the cost per pound but the best steak in the grocery store would be a bargain in comparison.

 

[Gerald Martin]

1. Sell your $250 Remington Wingmaster locally in the classifieds.

2. Splurge on a new Benelli (http://www.benelliusa.com/shotguns) that is way more expensive than what you need.

3. Unwrap the gun in front of her and explain that even though it is more expensive than your previous shotgun, it really is an investment in us since it makes you happy to shoot an expensive shotgun.

4. Duck whatever she throws at you.

5. Enjoy your night sleeping on the $1000 couch. (do not cuss the guy on Hunttalk that gave you marriage advice.)

6. Return the Benelli. Spend the money you got from selling the Remington Wingmaster on red roses and chocolate.

7. Never again ask for advice on Hunttalk where women, finances, and happiness are involved.

8. Thank your wife for buying such a comfortable couch for us.

9. Figure alternative ways of raising money to fund your hunting needs. I hear plasma donations are a good way to raise cash. Donating a kidney can raise quite a bit of money. You only need one to survive.

10. Good luck. When in doubt re-read #7.

 

[sneakypete]

Read #7 again and again!

 

[Bambistew]

Explain to her, that your happiness is for both of you as well. There is a line of equality, help her see it. She is looking at it from the same perspective as you. The couch makes her happy much the same a hunting trip/gear would make you happy. If that doesn't work, get a side job, or save your lunch money for a few months. Cut out habits that waste money.

What I find works the best is to sack away a couple hundred a month or more, and by the time hunting season rolls around I have all my bases covered.

Don't buy crap you don't really need, i.e. high dollar hunting cloths, backpacks, rifle scopes, expensive rifles, etc. You can get by fine with less expensive stuff, much the same you can get by with a $500 couch vs a $1000. It goes both ways.

If that doesn't work, just play stupid when new guns show up in the house. After about 6-7 she won't know if there is a new one or not.

 

[Timberhawk]

My wife and I go with the allowance system. We take care of the bills, investments, etc. then decide how much each of us gets monthly for our own purchases based on the leftover expendible income. We usually tweak that number once/year or when a life event happens. Then comes the important part: we stay out of eachother's business. I don't want to know how much the spa packages cost or how much we have invested in the wine cellar collection and she doesn't want to know how much my new bow or a Lake of the Woods ice fishing trip costs. We both saved up and can spend it as we please. It works for us!

 

[Sawtooth]

I think you should ask Dinkshooter, because his views on how to keep marital bliss is always a good read.

 

[the nikster]

I earn a paycheck and my wife stays at home. She does the finances. I get $100 a week to do whatever I want, and I do. Sometimes I take her to dinner and sometimes I go hunting. She does not complain. I see new things around the house frequently. She bought my silence for $100 a week.

 

[genesis273]

I haven't read the replies, so yhis may have already been used, but there is no way I would tell my wife that I'm just as happy with a $500 couch as a $1000. Remember, she can play that game. I mean, to her a $75 rifle scope is no different than a $500 rifle scope!

 

[tarheel]

Nest building can turn into a sickness with some women. Forget logic, that gene is missing in most of them; they're animals of emotion and response. My wife loves dishes and pottery pieces; I think it's that 16% Native American ancestry which drives her to accumulate it. Aside from all the Wedgewood, English teapots, and an endless litany of odd pieces, she at one time had 7 sets of dishes running the gamut from utility every day through Christmas through Oriental through fine dinner stuff and topping the collection off with a large set of older English china. We rarely entertain, our kids live out of town, why do we need this????

Good luck, 53 years of marriage has taught me to pick my battles and go in well armed.

 

[mtmander]

just plan a vacation with her on a diy hunting trip , but maybe just enjoy what she buys for the 'house' , you will better off in the home front that way

 

[mdhunter]

If your wife is a kind soul you may find there is extra "benefits" for you as she decks the house out in the manner she desires.

When in doubt, re-read rule #7 posted by Gerald Martin.

 

[mixedbag]

Your never going to win this battle.I use to tell mine that I bought expensive stuff once for hunting because it last or had lifetime warranties.That worked well.I suggest working overtime and keeping the extra for your stuff and some for her.Once your married,whats yours is hers and what hers is hers;remember that.There really is worse things in life then having nice stuff in your house though

 

[Walkathon]

It's easy! Just find her a second job to pay for all the stuff !

 

[Nameless Range]

Don't buy crap you don't really need, i.e. high dollar hunting cloths, backpacks, rifle scopes, expensive rifles, etc. You can get by fine with less expensive stuff, much the same you can get by with a $500 couch vs a $1000. It goes both ways.

Your family's finances are unique to you and I'm sure if they are anything like mine they can fluctuate and be complicated. I don't know how many people really budget and plan month-to-month, but if you do give every dollar you earn a destination, it can be very difficult to justify the diminishing returns of high-end hunting gear. My wife is frugal as hell, and the sole reason I am not broke. She challenges every expense. I have found that by following Bambistew's above advice, that for a little comparable discomfort and for a little less flare, I get to hunt 3 times as much as a lot of guys with $350 pants and a $1500 gun and one reason is there is very little friction in my household due to the cost of my hunting habit. I'll take the days in the field over "fancy stuff" any day. Maybe someday I'll have both.

When it comes to the couch it may be better to just let it slide, as I believe Randy has said in one of his podcasts:

"The key to a long marriage is to value peace over justice."

 

[shootbrownelk]

Nameless, what you have described is an argument you can never possibly win, nor should you try. Hers is Hers, and OURS is hers is the way it works.

 

[putm2sleep]

Celebrated 11 years - not all that many, but amazing and wonderful !
Be patience my friend. Imagine you are;
Recently married
No kids.
Keep her happy,practice love and give her the world = that's why you married her !
Borrow stuff. Find stuff on sale , get by and do the best with what you have sir.
Saving for hunting gear etc ended with kids. College funding.