Republican Platform 2004 finalized!!

[Ithaca 37]

REPUBLICAN PLATFORM 2004


1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary
Clinton.


2. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest
national priority is to enforce U.N. resolutions against Iraq.


3. "Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their
jobs to India.


4. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but the
government has no place interfering with the right of multi-national
corporations to make decisions affecting all mankind.


5. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
conservative radio host, in which case it's an illness and need our
prayers for your recovery.


6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in
speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.


7. Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for
Governor of California as a Republican.


8. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.


9. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then
demand their cooperation and money.


10. HMO's and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart
and require protection against lawsuits from greedy policyholders.


11. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, while providing
health care to all Americans represents socialism.


12. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.


13. It is okay that the Bush family has done $millions of business with
the bin Laden family.


14. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's
daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a
bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find bin Laden" diversion. John Kerry
is a flip-flopper.


15. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable
offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands
die is deeply patriotic and questioning it makes you an ally of terrorists.


16. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the
Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the
Internet.


17. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but
George Bush's Harken Oil stock trade are none of our business.


18. You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft
can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.


19. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest, but
what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.


20. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade
with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.


21. Affirmative action is wrong but it is OK for daddy and his friends to
get GWB into Yale, the Texas Air National Guard, Harvard Business School,
part ownership of Harken Oil, part ownership of the Texas Rangers , the
Governorship of Texas and then have the US Supreme Court appoint him
President of the USA.

 

[FAIRCHASEBEN]

100% fiction.

 

[pawclaws]

Must have been written either by some Democrat or possibly Satan!

 

[feclnogn]

Sounds good to me.

 

[Ithaca 37]

I like this one: 12. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.

 

[Tom]

Our New Texas Platform

Thought you'd all get a kick out of this one - Texan or not (and Republican or not)....

Texas has given all those complainers plenty of time to get used to the results. After seeing the whiners along the inauguration route, maybe us folks from Texas should decide that we might just have to take matters into our own hands .

Here is our solution :

#1: Let John Kerry become President of the United States (all 49 states).

#2: George W. Bush becomes the President of the New Republic of Texas.


So what do us Texans have to do to survive as a Republic? Not much !!!!!

1. NASA in Houston, Texas (we will control the space industry).

2. We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States.

3. Defense Industry (we have over 65% of it).

4. The term "Don't mess with Texas," will take on whole new meaning .

5. Oil - we can supply all the oil that the New Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry about that .

6. Natural Gas - Again we have all we need and it's too bad about those northern states. John Kerry will figure a way to keep them warm....

7. Computer Industry - we currently lead the nation in producing computer chips and communications: Small places like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, Applied Materials, Ball Semiconductor, Dallas Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel, Alcatel, Etc,Etc. The list goes on and on.

8. Health Centers - We have the largest research centers for Cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world and other large health planning centers.

9. We have enough colleges to keep us going: U.T., Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Rice, SMU, University of Houston, Baylor, UNT, Texas Women's University, etc. Ivy grows better in the south anyway.

10. We have a ready supply of workers (just open the border when we need some more).

11. We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc.

12. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard, the Texas Air National Guard and the Confederate Air Force. We don't have an army but since everybody down here has at least six rifles and a pile of ammo, we can raise an army in 24 hours if we need it . If the situation really gets bad, we can always call Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over one or two Texas Rangers .

13. We are totally self sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs and vegetable produce and everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good . Don't need any food.

This just names a few of the items that will keep the New Republic of Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need and don't have .

Now to the rest of the United States under President Kerry :

1. Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only President Kerry will be able to drive around in his 9 mile per gallon SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes .

2. You won't have any TV as the space center in Houston will cut off your communications.

3. You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes but since Mr. Kerry has predicted global warming, you will not need the gas will you .

Ya just gotta love everything about and in Texas - the New Republic of Texas that is

 

[pawclaws]

Where can I get a Texas visa??

 

[Ithaca 37]

Our New Texas Platform

Plus, you can hunt all kindsa cool exotics on Texas game farms!

 

[Tom]

Some of them, you can ride an ATV too. We don't call them game farms though, we call them wildlife ranches. Here's two of the best ones to look at,

www.777ranch.com and www.yoranch.com

Plus, there's many other places to hunt about 3.5 million whitetail, 2 million waterfowl, 0.2 million exotics, and 1.5 million hogs. We do well with quail, doves, and turkey too, I just don't know the numbers.

This place supported a lot of the research and developement needed for exotics here. They have a large herd of free ranging Nilgai, the blue bull to hunt. They got about a 250 B&C whitetail there a few years back too.

www.king-ranch.com

You can go hunt there, any time of year you schedule it, for Nilgai. That's down where quality wildlife management started, especially for whitetail, but other species, big time too.