sheCat
New member
>>>
>>>MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES
>>>
>>>SICK DAYS:
>>>We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If
you
>>>are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
>>>
>>>SURGERY:
>>>Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need
>>>all
>>>of your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you
>>>intact. To
>>>have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
>>>
>>>BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
>>>There is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
>>>friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have
>>>non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee
>>>involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late
>>>afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour
>>>and
>>>subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is
>>>enough
>>>to keep the job going in your absence.
>>>
>>>YOUR OWN DEATH:
>>>This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two
weeks
>>>notice, as it is your duty to train your replacement.
>>>
>>>REST ROOM USE:
>>>Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the future,we
>>>will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For
>>>instance,those
>>>whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:10; employees whose
>>>names
>>>begin with 'B' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you're unable to
>>>go
>>>at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your
>>>time
>>>comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a
>>>coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this
>>>exchange.
>>>In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the
>>>stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm bell will sound, the toilet
>>>paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.
>>>
>>>PAYCHECK GUIDE:
>>>The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees
better
>>>understand their paychecks:
>>>
>>>ITEM / AMOUNT
>>>Gross pay $1,222.02
>>>Income tax $244.40
>>>Outgo tax $45.21
>>>State tax $11.61
>>>Interstate tax $61.10
>>>County tax $6.11
>>>City tax $12.22
>>>Rural tax $4.44
>>>Back tax $1.11
>>>Front tax $1.16
>>>Side tax $1.61
>>>Tic-Tacs $1.98
>>>Thumbtacks $3.93
>>>Carpet tacks $0.98
>>>Stadium tax $0.69
>>>Flat tax $8.32
>>>Surtax $3.46
>>>Corporate tax $2.60
>>>Parking fee $5.00
>>>F.I.C.A. $81.88
>>>T.G.I.F. Fund $9.95
>>>Life insurance $5.85
>>>Health insurance $16.23
>>>Dental insurance $4.50
>>>Mental insurance $4.33
>>>Reassurance $0.11
>>>Disability $2.50
>>>Ability $0.25
>>>Liability $3.41
>>>Unreliability $10.99
>>>Coffee $6.85
>>>Coffee Cups $66.51
>>>Floor rental $16.85
>>>Chair rental $0.32
>>>Desk rental $4.32
>>>Union dues $5.85
>>>Union don'ts $3.77
>>>Cash advance $0.69
>>>Cash retreats $121.35
>>>Overtime $1.26
>>>Undertime $54.83
>>>Eastern time $9.00
>>>Central time $8.00
>>>Mountain time $7.00
>>>Pacific time $6.00
>>>Time Out $12.21
>>>Oxygen $10.02
>>>Water $16.54
>>>Heat $51.42
>>>Cool air $26.83
>>>Hot air $20.00
>>>Miscellaneous $113.29
>>>Sundry $12.09
>>>Various $8.01
>>>
>>>NET TAKE HOME PAY $0.02
>>>
>>>Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
>>>positive
>>>employment experience. All questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
>>>frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
>>>accusations,
>>>contemplation's, consternation's, or input should be directed elsewhere.
>>>MEMO TO ALL EMPLOYEES
>>>
>>>SICK DAYS:
>>>We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If
you
>>>are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
>>>
>>>SURGERY:
>>>Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need
>>>all
>>>of your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you
>>>intact. To
>>>have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.
>>>
>>>BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
>>>There is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead
>>>friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have
>>>non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases, where employee
>>>involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late
>>>afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour
>>>and
>>>subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is
>>>enough
>>>to keep the job going in your absence.
>>>
>>>YOUR OWN DEATH:
>>>This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two
weeks
>>>notice, as it is your duty to train your replacement.
>>>
>>>REST ROOM USE:
>>>Entirely too much time is being spent in the rest room. In the future,we
>>>will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For
>>>instance,those
>>>whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:10; employees whose
>>>names
>>>begin with 'B' will go from 8:10 to 8:20 and so on. If you're unable to
>>>go
>>>at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your
>>>time
>>>comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a
>>>coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this
>>>exchange.
>>>In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the
>>>stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm bell will sound, the toilet
>>>paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.
>>>
>>>PAYCHECK GUIDE:
>>>The following helpful guide has been prepared to help our employees
better
>>>understand their paychecks:
>>>
>>>ITEM / AMOUNT
>>>Gross pay $1,222.02
>>>Income tax $244.40
>>>Outgo tax $45.21
>>>State tax $11.61
>>>Interstate tax $61.10
>>>County tax $6.11
>>>City tax $12.22
>>>Rural tax $4.44
>>>Back tax $1.11
>>>Front tax $1.16
>>>Side tax $1.61
>>>Tic-Tacs $1.98
>>>Thumbtacks $3.93
>>>Carpet tacks $0.98
>>>Stadium tax $0.69
>>>Flat tax $8.32
>>>Surtax $3.46
>>>Corporate tax $2.60
>>>Parking fee $5.00
>>>F.I.C.A. $81.88
>>>T.G.I.F. Fund $9.95
>>>Life insurance $5.85
>>>Health insurance $16.23
>>>Dental insurance $4.50
>>>Mental insurance $4.33
>>>Reassurance $0.11
>>>Disability $2.50
>>>Ability $0.25
>>>Liability $3.41
>>>Unreliability $10.99
>>>Coffee $6.85
>>>Coffee Cups $66.51
>>>Floor rental $16.85
>>>Chair rental $0.32
>>>Desk rental $4.32
>>>Union dues $5.85
>>>Union don'ts $3.77
>>>Cash advance $0.69
>>>Cash retreats $121.35
>>>Overtime $1.26
>>>Undertime $54.83
>>>Eastern time $9.00
>>>Central time $8.00
>>>Mountain time $7.00
>>>Pacific time $6.00
>>>Time Out $12.21
>>>Oxygen $10.02
>>>Water $16.54
>>>Heat $51.42
>>>Cool air $26.83
>>>Hot air $20.00
>>>Miscellaneous $113.29
>>>Sundry $12.09
>>>Various $8.01
>>>
>>>NET TAKE HOME PAY $0.02
>>>
>>>Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
>>>positive
>>>employment experience. All questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
>>>frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations,
>>>accusations,
>>>contemplation's, consternation's, or input should be directed elsewhere.
