Marriage advise

[Irrelevant]

My favorite episode yet. I laughed constantly. I will say you didn't focus nearly enough on the pre-marriage aspect which in my mind is way more critical than most people think. So much of the actual marriage friction is based on a lack to time, effort, and attention in the pre-engagement phase. You have to suss out who you're actually dealing with, where those side boards are now, where they'll be in the future. As part of that I don't encourage guys to go above and beyond during the courting phase. I like to say I set the bar low, real low. Then once your married all you can do is over-achieve. So far it's worked for me.

I will also add that you, Big Fin, clearly treat you wife like a queen, and rightfully so. I know I'm more than guilty of not doing this from time to time. It was a great reminder to up my game, all it takes is a little more effort and remembering how much I care.

 

[JTHOMP]

Just finished listening to it as well. Very much enjoyed it.
Suggestion for Part 2.....can yall go into more detail on introducing your spouse to hunting especially with bringing in the woman's prospective?

I took my ex girl friend hunting once. I learned since then that consistently ssssh-ing and tell her not to drag her feet when slipping through the woods was NOT the way to start things out.
Current girl friend loves to fish. I'll have to keep her on the water over the summer to keep her happy. When it comes to eating meat she isn't big into it unless it's coming from a known source or she has a part in obtaining it which I love and respect about her. So I introduced her to squirrel meat and now she likes it so much she is ready to kill some next season. When it comes to other animals and even squirrels to some degree she still has a soft heart and doesn't want to kill. All kills deserve respect, and I'm glad some remorse is there, but you have to be able to pull the trigger and witness death to hunt. Her particular idea behind not being able to kill a deer is because the eyes resemble horses too much and she loves horses.

Questions for the next discussion
1) Tips of what to do, what not to do, other things to consider when taking your partner hunting? Do you really lower your expectations and decrease the intensities of your hunt everytime they are with you?
2) She having a soft heart is common among many women. Does that trait go away as you become more experienced in hunting?

 

[dmrbigeshott]

Great podcast that I would imagine just about everyone listening could relate to....therefore it was VERY HELPFUL. At 27 years old, I've been with my Lady for 7+ years and we're getting hitched in May.

Something that may be worth touching/spending more time on during part 2 is the importance of not pushing someone too much to go hunting; especially if you are trying to introduce them to it. That is a tactic that, from what I've seen, almost always backfires and pushes the person more away from hunting/fishing than the desired result of bringing them closer.

It should never be a point of contention in the relationship if your Lady or Fella doesn't want to go.

Again, very valuable advice given and am looking forward to part 2. A good podcast would be about best practices getting kids involved and adults involved in hunting who aren't familiar.

 

[Wilderness_56587]

Anyone have a link to this podcast?

 

[Big Fin]

Anyone have a link to this podcast?

You can listen or download from here - https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/hu...rg-unfiltered-hunting-conservation/e/58703105

 

[aws1963]

Got a chance to listen with headphones at work today while doing some tedious follow up emails. My coworkers think I'm nuts since I burst out laughing several times. What a great podcast. Being married for 31 years, I completely relate to everything that was said.

If you are newly Married or if you are in a committed relationship, take the advice given as TRUTH.

"If I only knew 31 years ago what I know now" is so true!

 

[HoytHntr4]

Agree with everyone else that this was a great podcast that gave me a good amount of laughs listening to it. Randy, any chance your wife would come on and do a follow up podcast about marital advice after being married to you for 30 years? I know you have said many times that she will not be on camera, but maybe she would be willing to be on a podcast?

 

[Evion63]

Probably too late! But maybe you can put this in with episode #2. My advise.....Don't let a sacrifice go unnoticed! Your significant other won't know what you are sacrificing or giving up to make hunting possible if you don't inform her. I have a failure example, and a success example. Failure; My wife and I used to go to "The beer and wine festival" every year. It's $50 per ticket, all inclusive beer, and wine, and food, and silent auctions. I decided that I would rather join and go to the RMEF banquet one year. I failed to tell my wife that I was giving up the Beer and wine festival in return for the banquet. Now I don't get to go to either. Success; In conversation I had mentioned to my wife that some friends were meeting up for some beers. A few days later she asked why I didn't go? I told her that hunting season was coming up, and that I should spend time at home. Now she lets me spend more time out hunting.

 

[R.K.]

Will you be adding this one to YouTube? Got some friends who prefer that platform and need to listen to it.

The rebuttal (Marriage 2.0) is uploaded there, but I'm not finding the original.

 

[Big Fin]

Yeah, they'll both be there. I'll look to see what the crew did with these on YouTube.

 

[OliveTree]

I need some marriage advice from hunting men. My husband and I got into the idea of hunting a couple years ago, specifically bow hunting, it didn’t take me long to decide it wasn’t for me, but he loves it. I feel like I’m pretty lenient meaning he can go hunting for what he wants when he wants with two conditions: (1) leave me a few vacation days and (2) take a buddy. He’s been planning his first hunting trip of the year for the last couple months and he’s excited that he’ll be one of the first on the property (we are apart of wilderness unlimited). His friend cancelled yesterday and now he wants to go alone. I think it’s way too risky because (1) he’s only gone hunting 3 times, (2) has never made a kill, (3) hasn’t dressed an animal in the field, and (4) is hunting boar in an area with bears and mountain lions and with a bow so he’ll have to get in close for the kill. I realize there is a man’s virility that needs to be nurtured especially when you live in the rat race of a big city. I’m all for letting a man be a man, but this seems unnecessarily risky and a lot to ask me to be okay with. Am I asking too much for him to bring a friend?

 

[----]

Am I asking too much for him to bring a friend?

Yes.

 

[OliveTree]

Yes.

Do you mind giving me some insight as to why?

 

[----]

Do you mind giving me some insight as to why?

Humans have been walking around the woods with sharp objects for at least a million years. We've gotten very good at it. The only odds more microscopic than him getting seriously injured in the woods, are the odds that his hunting partner would be able to prevent it from happening.

 

[Big Fin]

Do you mind giving me some insight as to why?

Why? Lots of reasons.

Hunting is not the dangerous activity some might view it to be. The relative risks are probably less than going to play a round of golf. Would you require that he take a friend with him to play a round of golf to make sure he is safe?

I suspect it has nothing to do with "male virility." Probably more a function of perceived risk and real risk. Bringing someone with is a huge roll of the dice. Who? Is the person helpful or a boat anchor? Do they slow down the hunt? Are they snivelers? I, and I suspect most here, would rather go alone than bring some deadbeat, even if I was hunting the most grizzly-infested areas of MT or WY.

Why not buy him a personal locator beacon with an SOS feature, such as an inREACH. It will allow for text messaging to cease the worry. It will allow him to hit the SOS button if a life threatening situation arises. Probably give both of you more comfort.

And, if you get him a personal location device, good marital protocols would suggest he get you something 2-3X in value.

 

[Paul in Idaho]

Do you mind giving me some insight as to why?

Welcome to HuntTalk! Here are my thoughts as a hunter married more than 20 years. Nearly all of my hunts have been solo for the past several years.

Likely, I am at the highest risk of injury or death on my trips when I'm in a vehicle, not while hunting. At least some statisticians would support that view.

The only two times I have ever been in significant danger while hunting were when I was with friends. One of those incidents was because of a friend's poor judgement.

I second Randy's suggestion of buying him an InReach, and if you're concerned about the bears, get him a canister of bear spray too. I carry both, and have never needed either.

 

[OliveTree]

Why? Lots of reasons.

Hunting is not the dangerous activity some might view it to be. The relative risks are probably less than going to play a round of golf. Would you require that he take a friend with him to play a round of golf to make sure he is safe?

I suspect it has nothing to do with "male virility." Probably more a function of perceived risk and real risk. Bringing someone with is a huge roll of the dice. Who? Is the person helpful or a boat anchor? Do they slow down the hunt? Are they snivelers? I, and I suspect most here, would rather go alone than bring some deadbeat, even if I was hunting the most grizzly-infested areas of MT or WY.

Why not buy him a personal locator beacon with an SOS feature, such as an inREACH. It will allow for text messaging to cease the worry. It will allow him to hit the SOS button if a life threatening situation arises. Probably give both of you more comfort.

And, if you get him a personal location device, good marital protocols would suggest he get you something 2-3X in value.

Thank you for the insight. I really do appreciate the thoughtful response. I think the inReach is the compromise I wasn’t willing to see in my prideful state I’m aware my fear comes from the ignorance of the less informed regarding the dangers of hunting along with my fear of abandonment from losing my parents, and try though I might I often leave that burden at his feet. He carries it like an amazing husband would, but I never want it to be at the detriment to his own happiness, which is why I turned here for help! We both listen to your podcast and respect your experience and appreciate the advice. Though without statistical data I’m never going to believe golf is more risky than hunting.

 

[OliveTree]

Welcome to HuntTalk! Here are my thoughts as a hunter married more than 20 years. Nearly all of my hunts have been solo for the past several years.

Likely, I am at the highest risk of injury or death on my trips when I'm in a vehicle, not while hunting. At least some statisticians would support that view.

The only two times I have ever been in significant danger while hunting were when I was with friends. One of those incidents was because of a friend's poor judgement.

I second Randy's suggestion of buying him an InReach, and if you're concerned about the bears, get him a canister of bear spray too. I carry both, and have never needed either.

Thanks for taking the time to respond. I appreciate the insight and forget that sometimes a buddy can be more harm than help.

 

[Big Fin]

Though without statistical data I’m never going to believe golf is more risky than hunting.

Link here - https://www.nssf.org/hunting-is-safer-than-golf-and-most-other-recreational-activities/

Hunting with firearms has an injury rate of 0.05 percent, which equates to about 1 injury per 2,000 participants, a safety level bettered only by camping (.01 percent) and billiards (.02 percent). For comparison, golf has an injury rate of 0.16 percent (1 injury per 622 participants), while tackle football topped the list of activities with an injury rate of 5.27 percent (1 injury per 19 participants).

Though 86% of statistics are made up on the spot, probably higher with men, I'm not that kind of guy.

 

[Khunter]

Good thread and glad the OP brought the question. solid responses.
I went through similar dialog with my wife way back when. InReach was a great addition to our mutual appreciation of each other and alleviation of concern when I am solo hunting, often in a state are area I may have never visited prior to the hunt.

Most hunters, I think, do not go to escape their spouse, but rather to fulfill a passion for hunting. Many, including me, would rather their spouse come along....So maintaining communications lines is no big deal for most and resolves 90 % of the issues.

And before asked, no I do not have a study to defend that statistic