1 one year before butcher date, buy a dried up broken down range bull.
2 feed bull only buckbrush, sagebrush, treebark, and pine needles.
3 about 2 hours before "the big hunt" have a friend chase the bull around with a truck to get the blood and adrenaline levels peaking.
4 shoot the bull immediately, making sure of a clean kill. Quickly aim 2nd shot to pass thru the guts and hindquarter.
5 drag beef to a coulee and field dress it in the mud. make sure to get sufficient grass, weeds, and pine needles in the carcass for flavoring.
6 drag the carcass at least one half mile across summer fallow or for extra flavor, through a heavily used pasture.
7 load the carcass in the back of a pickup with leaking gas can. next drive a gravel road as fast as possible to add dirt, grime, and bugs to taste.
8 stop at all bars on the way home. celebrate inside while carcass cures in the afternoon sun.
9 hang beef in garage low enough so the dog can chew on the good hind quarter, vomit and then mark his territory.
10 at least once a day have your wife idle a vehicle at least 5 minutes in the garage.
11 when the carcass smells so bad the dog won't sleep in the garage, the meat is ready for cutting and wrapping.
PROPERLY FOLLOWED, THESE SHORT STEPS WILL INSURE THAT YOUR BEEF IS MISTAKEN FOR WILD GAME BY EVEN THE MOST AVID SPORTSMAN, YOU WILL BE COMPLIMENTED ON HOW MUCH MEAT YOU HAVE AND HOW WILD IT TASTES. YOU CAN BOAST HOW INEXPENSIVE IT IS, AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HUNTING SEASONS, SPECIAL PERMITS, GAME WARDENS, OR "OPRAH".
YOU WILL NOT ONLY BE SUPPORTING YOUR LOCAL LIVESTOCK PRODUCER, YOU WILL BE CONSIDERED ENVIRONMENTALLY CORRECT...
2 feed bull only buckbrush, sagebrush, treebark, and pine needles.
3 about 2 hours before "the big hunt" have a friend chase the bull around with a truck to get the blood and adrenaline levels peaking.
4 shoot the bull immediately, making sure of a clean kill. Quickly aim 2nd shot to pass thru the guts and hindquarter.
5 drag beef to a coulee and field dress it in the mud. make sure to get sufficient grass, weeds, and pine needles in the carcass for flavoring.
6 drag the carcass at least one half mile across summer fallow or for extra flavor, through a heavily used pasture.
7 load the carcass in the back of a pickup with leaking gas can. next drive a gravel road as fast as possible to add dirt, grime, and bugs to taste.
8 stop at all bars on the way home. celebrate inside while carcass cures in the afternoon sun.
9 hang beef in garage low enough so the dog can chew on the good hind quarter, vomit and then mark his territory.
10 at least once a day have your wife idle a vehicle at least 5 minutes in the garage.
11 when the carcass smells so bad the dog won't sleep in the garage, the meat is ready for cutting and wrapping.
PROPERLY FOLLOWED, THESE SHORT STEPS WILL INSURE THAT YOUR BEEF IS MISTAKEN FOR WILD GAME BY EVEN THE MOST AVID SPORTSMAN, YOU WILL BE COMPLIMENTED ON HOW MUCH MEAT YOU HAVE AND HOW WILD IT TASTES. YOU CAN BOAST HOW INEXPENSIVE IT IS, AND YOU WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT HUNTING SEASONS, SPECIAL PERMITS, GAME WARDENS, OR "OPRAH".
YOU WILL NOT ONLY BE SUPPORTING YOUR LOCAL LIVESTOCK PRODUCER, YOU WILL BE CONSIDERED ENVIRONMENTALLY CORRECT...
