Lawyer Jokes...

[danr55]

Appropriately enough, a friend in California just sent some to me..

Here are several that I think are funny..

*Q.* What do lawyers use for birth control?
*A.* Their personalities.

*Q.* What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
*A.* A tick falls off of you when you die.

*Q.* Why does the law society prohibit sex between
lawyers and their clients?
*A.* To prevent clients from being billed twice for what
is essentially the same service.

*Q.* What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried
up to their neck in sand?
*A.* Not enough sand.

*Q.* What's the difference between a dead skunk in the
road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?
*A.* There are skid marks in front of the skunk.

*Q.* What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
*A.* A Doberman.

*Q.* What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
*A.* One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a
human being.

*Q.* Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled
their latest stamps?

*A.* They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and
people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Lawyer's creed:
A man is innocent until proven broke.

*Q.* What's the difference between a female lawyer
and a pit bull?

*A.* Lipstick.

*Q.* Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer
and an old drunk are walking down the street
together when they simultaneously spot a
hundred dollar bill. Who gets it?
*A.* The old drunk, of course; the other three are
mythical creatures.

*Q.* It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?)
*A.* I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.

*Q.* A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired
about the lawyer's rates.
"$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.
"Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"

*Q.* Do you know what happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
*A.* He gets taller.

Got a good one?? (Joke not lawyer!!) Post it here..

 

[whitedeer]

A lion in the London zoo was lying in the sun licking its arse when a visitor turned to the keeper and said, "that's a docile old thing isn't it?"

"No way," said the keeper, "its the most ferocious beast in the zoo. Why just an hour ago it dragged a lawyer into the cage and completely devoured him."

"Hardly seems possible" said the astonished visitor, "but why is it lying there licking its arse?"

"The poor thing is trying to get the taste out of its mouth."

 

[JoseCuervo]

Looks like Danr's professional envy is showing through again....

 

[Elkhunter]

LOL Dan

 

[whitedeer]

A lawyer walked into a bar and sat down. The bartender looked up and noticed what looked like a frog growing out of the side of the side of the lawyer’s head. The bartender looked at the lawyer and said "Oh, my goodness -- how did such an awful thing happen?" Before the lawyer could say anything, the frog spoke up and said, "Well, it started off as a small wart on my fanny and it grew into this awful thing."