"Killing Animals Helped Me Make Peace With Death" by Nicole Qualtieri

[Salmonchaser]

I'm living the flip side of this. Not fun.

Yes you are, some of your days must be excruciatingly difficult, yet you persist. Living a life of honor and integrity when the final tally is done, that is what a man does! Thank you for standing up, being an example.

 

[ismith]

It also helps tie death to life; women being the givers of life. I think it’s appropriate and a good choice for this essay.

I’m not saying it’s inappropriate at all, just interesting and not the way I’ve personally looked at it in the past. I’ve been around death a fair bit and have had several very close near misses myself.

 

[Benfromalbuquerque]

Man, that’s some heavy shit to process. It’s difficult for me to refrain from transference reading through this. I lived there at the same time. My father’s ashes are also in Ohio. The Columbus Zoo really isn’t like the others. I too have met hunters who would be dismissed as sociopaths by someone who is not a hunter trying to comprehend what they said. Nicole’s childhood cult didn’t seem to be equipped to help a child process grief. Maybe that was somehow a silver lining as grief drove her to transcendent situations that might not have happened if she was just fine and comfortable with life.

 

[Pucky Freak]

“Here is a death that I get to touch, to see, to feel, to be fully present with. This is a death that I can hold, grieve, feel the warmth and energy the life the body holds onto when no longer breathing. Bear witness to that film over an eye, bear witness to muscles twitching and moving as I pull hide and skin back, revealing internal memories of speed equaling survival in motion.

…Something here assures me that death is not to be feared, but honored as a transition from one energy to another. A stepping back from life and into another realm.”

I can definitely relate. Experiencing the immediacy of death in real time, with all my senses, lifts the shroud of mystique and the unsettling unknown away. What happens when I die, when loved ones die? Something a whole lot like the steaming carcass in my hands.

 

[NDGuy]

Yes you are, some of your days must be excruciatingly difficult, yet you persist. Living a life of honor and integrity when the final tally is done, that is what a man does! Thank you for standing up, being an example.

Any day could be your last, an alley encounter, a car accident, or an immediate health problem. The mindset and belief about your true purpose in life are fundamental and differ for everyone. Fear is powerful and will limit your true potential.

Calculated risk.

"Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway."

 

[Rzrbck918]

Thats the first decent thing Ive read on here since Tom Terrific and Stay Sharp left.

 

[Rzrbck918]

Joyce said, "in the particular is contained the universal." She certainly found some of that in this piece.

 

[LousyResident]

Didn't she used to post here?

She appeared briefly and then disappeared into the night. . .

NKQualtieri

www.hunttalk.com

@NKQualtieri

​

 

[Nameless Range]

I just read this piece by Nicole Qualtieri:

https://thewestrn.substack.com/p/killing-animals-helped-me-make-peace?utm_source=/browse/literature&utm_medium=reader2

Pretty interesting stuff; some great writing and some good (and some challenging) observations. The things that really stuck out for me were:

1. The central idea; that hunting can help you to see death differently. I can relate to this. I feel like I'm constantly struck by how negative people's view of death is. Like each death is a little evil, whether it's a human, or some other animal. As a hunter, it's hard for me to see things that way.

2. Her challenge to the idea that 'hunting is conservation.' I think my own opinion would be that hunting is conservation, but that for too many hunters, that's incidental. Interesting topic and one of the places I think we can do better.

3. Her own personal healing of her father's death and the unique way in which hunting helped that.

In any case, throwing it up here in case others would like to read.

Thanks for sharing that. What a beautiful piece.

To 1. I have mixed feelings. Though I have led a privileged life, I have seen a bit of human death - both violent and quiet - and it has affected me. Because I am speciesist of the Homo-Sapien-favoring variety, I have regarded the deaths in my presence as something acutely evil, but if detached from the personal, broadly necessary. The latter is only available in moments, as living a life detached from the personal is a freefall that eventually hits an immovable object.

Hunting has shown me that animals, like me, will do everything in their power to resist and fight against death - and it is perfectly reasonable to do so, though I suppose at some point, it's not.

Really enjoyed reading that.

 

[Derek44]

She appeared briefly and then disappeared into the night. . .

NKQualtieri

www.hunttalk.com

@NKQualtieri

​

Pretty sure she used to, or maybe still does, actually work for the @Big Fin team. Could be wrong though.

 

[Big Fin]

Pretty sure she used to, or maybe still does, actually work for the @Big Fin team. Could be wrong though.

She did work for us in 2023. She got a job offer she couldn't refuse and took that offer. She's still a great friend for all of us.

 

[Derek44]

Great writing. Definitely enjoyed that.

 

[MinnesotaHunter]

Interesting read. I am not 100% sure where I stand on the idea though. I have seen a lot of death, and there are two deaths that hit me harder than any others, a 5 month old girl in AFG in 2005 and my last dog Jack. I cannot tell you why, but they did. I have lost friends, grandparents, seen streets awash with blood from dozens of innocent dead bodies, pulled dead bodies from vehicles, surveyed sites of war crimes/torture/executions were committed, but while it was all terrible for some reason those two caused me to breakdown. Death is certainly complex and effects everyone differently, and I think circumstances have an effect as well.

That said, for me taking an animals life is on a different plane. I don't take it lightly, and have a lot of respect for their life and what they provide, but I don't try and develop an emotional connection with them. Dave Grossman wrote some interesting things about the emotional distance of killing and the psychological effects it has on us. I don't think anything can prepare you for the unexpected loss of someone you are close with.

 

[noharleyyet]

It's beautiful writing. I suppose my own journey with loss is defined in comparison to losing my father. I realize the chances of surpassing the grief of that particular event are all around me. I only hope I go first.

I do not philosophically intertwine hunting with personal loss.

 

[brymoore]

Somber article.

I’m glad to know I’m not the only person who has encounters with dead relatives in my dreams.

 

[Elky Welky]

I've said it once on here, and I'll say it again: "Her First Elk" by Rick Bass is one of the best short stories I've ever read, and this essay echoes the exact same things: meditations on how we fit in with the broader cycles of life and death, and how hunting can bring us closer to that understanding.

Thanks for sharing; this was very well done.

 

[Deleted member 48080]

I've said it once on here, and I'll say it again: "Her First Elk" by Rick Bass is one of the best short stories I've ever read, and this essay echoes the exact same things: meditations on how we fit in with the broader cycles of life and death, and how hunting can bring us closer to that understanding.

Thanks for sharing; this was very well done.

Is that the one where she accidently shot it on private property? And the landowners helped her out?

 

[thomas89]

Dave Grossman wrote some interesting things about the emotional distance of killing and the psychological effects it has on us. I don't think anything can prepare you for the unexpected loss of someone you are close with.

Read a couple of his books before my deployment to Afghanistan. Think it needs to be mandatory reading for all those in that line of work with exposure.

I had a thread on here a while back titled something the effect of "Do you REALLY not enjoy the kill?". Similar thoughts, certainly not as eloquently put.

 

[Elky Welky]

Is that the one where she accidently shot it on private property? And the landowners helped her out?

Yessir.

 

[Nicoli7153]

I just read this piece by Nicole Qualtieri:

https://thewestrn.substack.com/p/killing-animals-helped-me-make-peace?utm_source=/browse/literature&utm_medium=reader2

Pretty interesting stuff; some great writing and some good (and some challenging) observations. The things that really stuck out for me were:

1. The central idea; that hunting can help you to see death differently. I can relate to this. I feel like I'm constantly struck by how negative people's view of death is. Like each death is a little evil, whether it's a human, or some other animal. As a hunter, it's hard for me to see things that way.

2. Her challenge to the idea that 'hunting is conservation.' I think my own opinion would be that hunting is conservation, but that for too many hunters, that's incidental. Interesting topic and one of the places I think we can do better.

3. Her own personal healing of her father's death and the unique way in which hunting helped that.

In any case, throwing it up here in case others would like to read.

Thanks for sharing this. She renews my faith in humanity!