Is the spit wad cannon enuff gun

[feclnogn]

I am thinking of hunting elephants in Africa. I will be using some straws I stold from McDonalds and some toilet paper from K-mart. Is this an appropriate caliber?? I will keep my range to around 4 feet and will soak the toilet paper in a mixture of fecl and gas, I will also be aiming for the eyes. Should I carry something to hide in, I was thinking of using a lion decoy or a wounded gazzelle suit. I am a little worried about the gazzelle suit as a lion might decide to eat me. Once I have the elephant down I was going to skin him with a razor blade. Thanks for any info.

 

[josh]

I hear Burger King straws are longer, so mby using those you cold pick up a couple of inches per hour on velocity.

It has also been my experience that you should shave before the skinning is to be done. Gillett makes a very high quality razor specifically designed for elephants.

Good luck

 

[Moosie]

Feclnong, i have a Booking Agent that Can Hook ya up wit hElephant sin The Artic. They are a Little Slower there but you might HAve a better chance then Africa.... If ya do Go to Africa, Use the Emu-Dung outfitt that you ware last year for My HAlloween PArty..... ANd do that Cool trick ya did With the Toilet seat Hitting ya in the back ofthe hear after Drinking 2 Bottles of To-KILL-ya

Good luck and Keep us Posted!!!!!

 

[Calif. Hunter]

I may get flamed for this, but I strongly feel that anything less than a #2 rubber band with a modified jumbo paper clip is just asking for trouble. Aim for the dimple in the right cheek and you'll be fine. Those who advocate the use of straws of any sort on pachyderms are just plain reckless. Just ask Bcat how many times they've failed on elk!

 

[DKO]

fecl, josh has a good point but, the steak n' shake straws are equvillant to a .50 cal. dia. and by using "bounty" paper towels in place of toilet paper youll have an unmatched "PACHYDERM POUNDER"!! at a distance of 4' the "bounty" should hold together giving you much better penetration, the jumbo paper clip would be a good back-up projectile in case the zoo keeper catches you before you have a chance to shave,cape,quarter and get him packed-out to the car before visiting hours!

After beating the "duck" incident ya might have a little trouble with this one, but remember you have the law firm of W.B.A EQS !

GOOD LUCK! we will keep checking the local paper to see if you get arrested again, and if so we will send the boys after ya to bail ya out!

 

[jiggy]

not to get into the "slow & heavy" vs. "light & fast" arguement, but....

i would have to say that on eles, light and fast is the only way to go. penetration is definately the key.

having said that...

i prefer the coffee straw approach rather than the milk shake straw. and if i have my choice, i prefer the double straw rather than the single straw. i also do all my own rifling. i have a specially modified paper clip that i use for this. my twist rate is 1 in 24. the double barreled coffee straws are okay, but i prefer to have at least three machined, okay it's really super glue but go with me on this, as a single piece.

my elephant load consists of a 2.75gr pearl tipped stick pin with 1gr of sparkle paper towel. the 1gr is pre-soak weight. i also don't soak in water, i soak in simple green. this seems to give the papertowel better engagement with the rifling. but this may be different for your make and model of straw.

as always shot placement is key. but seeing as how being in the "field" staring down one of these behemoths with nothing but a papermache rock on one's head can be intimidating and a little daunting. so your first shot might not hit the exact mark. the second "barrel" on my straw rig comes in handy for this, especially if the ele has the urge to, well, flatulate imediately previous to the intial shot. quick follow ups aren't usually necessary, but can save your life.

anyway, good luck on your "safari", feclnogn.

 

[JASON LEE]

These post have to be the funniest ones that I have read in a long time...I was laughing so had that my side hurts

GS how long did it take you to write that?
Your too funny!

 

[Gun Smoke]

I'm sorry to have to be the one to bring some kind of intelligence to this thread, but without it, I'm afraid somebody's going to get hurt.
Take it from someone who knows by experience. I almost lost a perfect rhino last year, after a very expensive, and disappointing trip. Foolishly, I depended on a Wendy's reversable straw (suck or blow) that the 16 year old manager at the time guarenteed to be the best rhino straw on the market. I didn't get a chance to test it before the trip, because I didn't want to have any added broken straw expenses, as we all know how expensive these straws can be.
In retrospect, I now realize it was better to be safe than sorry, but strawsight is 20, 20. Anyway, I was sizing up a rather nice rhino, at about 7 feet, quite a distance, when straw hunting, and my PH told me to wait on the shot, until old big horn got closer. The big rhino took another step, and now he was at 3 feet, giving me a perfect broadside shot. I loaded my charmin soft point tissue, (I prefer soft points over solid bounty towels), and out of the corner of my eye, I saw my PH turn white, (no racist remark intended), and he screamed not to fire. Apparently the hot, arid, African temperatures, had taken their toll on my rhino straw, and it was now melting, and pointing at my genitals. Unable to hold my breath any longer, because of all the excitement, I blew with the force of a street hooker, driving the wet tissue into my groin, and dropping to the ground screaming in pain. Fortunately, the rhino hadn't bolted, and I quickly yelled to the PH for another straw. I'm sorry he replied, as he began to run, "That's the last Straw"!
Miraculously, keeping my cool, I tried to straighten out the melted straw, as I loaded another tissue. The rhino, leaned forward, bringing him to within two feet of me, and startled me. Trying to fire from a sitting position, and afraid he would charge, the last two feet, I did the unforgivable straw sin. I SUCKED, when I should have BLOWN.
The tissue drove into my trachia, sending shock waves thru my whole body. I tried to dislodge it, using the straw, but to no avail. The rhino took another step, and put his big smelly foot on my stomach, exploding the tissue from my throat, with tremendous force, and hitting him in the right eye. He bellowed in pain, and dropped to his knees. My PH now found his courage, and returned to help me. He handed me a # 2 pencil, which I drove into the rhino's thick hide, into his heart. He took one last breath, and was dead. Fortunately, I had been writing a letter to my wife the previous night, and had sharpened the pencil. MY GOD, what luck! Had it been a bic pen, who knows what would have happened?????
So, you can now understand my frustrations, when I see you inexperienced straw hunters, taking on even bigger game, such as elephant. Straws are definitely not going to hold up in the hot, arid temperatures of Africa. Please, please, do not make the same mistakes that I made, thinking your straw will take care of everything. Even the mighty 16 inch straws are fallible, when hunting big game. If you insist in pursuing this deadly straw game, for pachyderms, at least have the fore thought, and wisdom ( if not for you, than for your families) to carry at the very least, three # 2 pencils, with or without eraser, and a pair of tweezers, for throat tissue removal, and for absolute safety sake, cap the blow end, when not in use. The life you save may be your own. For those of you that think that this could never happen to you, BE WARNED! In the split second moment, it takes to blow, sh*t happens! ( another reason I prefer charmin)
I heard of one poor bastard, accidently putting the straw in his nose, instead of his mouth, causing internal hemmoraging. His poor wife had to bury him that way, when it became evident, it could not be dislodged, and they had to tell the funeral mourners, he was a cocaine user, to save the embarrasment, of telling the real story. THESE ARE FACTS!!!!!
Regards
Gun Smoke

 

[feclnogn]

Gunsmoke,

Thanks for the info. I just postponed my hunt. To scared to go after reading that.

 

[Gun Smoke]

Jason: Just trying to keep my fellow straw hunters safe.
Fecl: I'm not trying to talk you out of your elephant straw hunting trip. I just want you to be careful bud. Too many folks on this board would miss you and your posts, including me.
Regards
Gun Smoke

 

[bcat]

ANother outragously funny topic by Brother Fecalnogn!! You and Gunsmoke make a real good pair!!!! Glad ya canceled your trip !!! bcat

 

[Big Sky]

What a bunch of wussy's or is it wussies? Real hunters don't use straws they just spit'em (the spit wads) right out of their mouth. This puts a real challenge in it unlike using a straw which is just too easy. It's called Traditional Spitwadding.